Monthly Archives: February 2008

The French are famous for their fashion sense, which makes "Crimson Fox" a surprise inclusion in the "Bad Super Costumes" log with her ridiculous cape hat:

Is she a cobra or a fox? Maybe a fox in the process of getting eaten by a cobra? Either way, some villainous brick type character is eventually going to grab that irritating long hat tail and use it to smash her into a handy brick wall.

Stealth in the jungle can be achieved in many ways, from The Phantom's dark purple to Tarzan's flesh and simple loin cloth, but B'Wana Beast's approach, which I call "exploded flight of parrots", is certainly the most unique:

I sense the costume designer had an issue of National Geographic in front of him while watching Mexican wrestlers on TV and enjoying the company of Mister Jim Bean. Or, as I suggested above, his car was hit by the cargo of a jackknifed semi full of tropical parrots and he sketched the results.

I can't decide which part of this costume I like best. Is it the bright red bullet helmet with the fabulous leopard-skin trim? The loincloth ripped directly from the table of the nearest Italian restaurant? Or the combination of Iron-Man boots with paw-print toppers? I just wish I could be there when the local tribe finally tells him that "B'Wana" in their language is not, in fact, "Revered White Hunter" but "Runs Around in Dishtowel".

I probably ought to put Jimmy Olsen under the "Legion of Substitute Heroes" clause of the "Bad super costumes" by-laws considering the number of insane things he got involved with during the Golden Age of Superman, but I just can't pass this up.

Look, if you're so pathetically unknown as a super-powered individual (and have no reasonable hope of ever becoming famous) that you feel forced to write your entire name across your chest ... well, that's just sad. If you find yourself in that situation, do us all a favor and just hang up the tights before you embarrass yourself with a scene like:

"Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's ... " (squints) "I can't quite make out the name on the chest ... Elephant something? Eloping Llama? Oh, there's a sale at Macy's on another plane's banner, let's go there instead!"

(Image and character©1985, DC Comics Inc., "Who's Who" Volume III.)

Picture the scene, a hard-up comic book creator desperately seeking a new character for his struggling book. The deadline is looming, and his job is on the line -- he needs help, and quick! Frantic eyes dart around the room, hoping against hope for some sort of inspiration. Nothing on the book shelf, he's already done something with the clock, ditto for the calculator and calendar, no way "Staple Remover Guy" is going to work, there's my leftover bowl of Top Ramen ...

And BAM! Just like that, the day is saved! See, his name is Prince Ra-Man and he has mental powers. Get it? He messes with your noodle. Brilliant!

(Image and character ©1986, DC Comics, Inc., from "Who's Who: The Definitive Directory of the DC Universe", Number 18.)

(Edited to change a couple of words in the post and title, as Prince Ra-Man is actually a hero, not a villain. Apologies to him and the deceased soul of Merlin which lives in him.)

Memo to all super-powered individuals contemplating logos:

Painting a target over your heart makes you -- wait for it -- a target! And while Frank Miller's Dark Knight can get away with claiming the heavy Kevlar vest he wears is the reason for his bright yellow insignia (draw fire to the most protected area), you and I both know most modern super-heroes couldn't hide a sheet of paper beneath the skin-tight spandex of their costumes, much less body armor.

Looking specifically at Geo-Force's costume here, I have to worry particularly about the red line pointing down from the target insignia, as if to say "Hey, if my heart isn't a tempting enough target for your super ray beams of death, take a look at this fantastic alternative!"