Sometimes when inspiration strikes from your immediate surroundings, it strikes you upside the head and knocks you silly. This is particularly dangerous for comic book creators, who work in a fairly silly field already and whose immediate environment is pretty much their desk:

Yes, you’re reading that right — this is “The Calculator” and “Calendar Man”, deliciously featured on the same DC “Who’s Who” page. I anxiously await the introduction of “Blotter”, “The Stapler”, and the ever-intrepid “The Mouse”, usually found in his secret hideout, named (inevitably ) “The Mouse Pad”.

(All images and characters ©DC Comics, Inc., from “Who’s Who: The Definitive Directory of the DC Universe” #4, 1985.)

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a rock singer dressed like a hippie became endowed with the power to scream people into horrifying visions and occasional amnesia, then go to a White Snake concert. I kid! Seriously, if you’ve ever wondered that, then the odds are fairly good that you have at least one thing in common with said hippies, and I’m not talking about wearing a peace symbol.

Regardless, Marvel Comics has beaten you to the punch, my brownie-munching friend, because Daredevil #100 brought us the sonic aweseomeness that is …

ANGAR THE SCREAMER!

The description of Angar (get it? Angar=Anger!) accompanying this image in “The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe #1″ says he was a rock singer, but come on, clearly this is a hippie. I live in Austin, Stoner Capital of the South; I know me some hippies, and Angar the Screamer would be right at home on Sixth Street.

And if there’s one thing hippies don’t do, it’s scream. At least, not in angar. Anger. Whatever. If he were named “Melloe the Crooner” I could buy that, because this guy seems more likely to be sitting in the middle of the street, staring at his hand saying “Dude, the colors are so intense“. As for leading a life of crime and trying to duke it out with Daredevil, I don’t think so. I could see him trying to crash on Daredevil’s couch and making a move on his “old lady” after an all-nighter with a peace pipe and “The Doors” playing on the wi-fi, but not all-out fisticuffs.

Still, Daredevil’s about the only super-hero in the Marvel universe I could see lasting more than a page with Angar, because a hero who wasn’t literally blind would immediately know he’s just a lonely hippie, bring him to a head shop, and be done with it. But then, Daredevil always has had Angar management issues …

(Image and character © Marvel Comics, from “Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe #1″, 1983.)

Apparently being consumed by your costume causes your toes to melt. If you’re a Marvel super-villain, that is. Exhibit A is Man-Ape:

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I love Dave Gibbons’ art and Len Wein’s writing, and I actually think the Demolition Team’s costumes are perfect for what they are, but this particular illustration made me stop and wonder:

Has any other villain in history worn a beer hat into combat? Granted, a cold beverage might be just the ticket when things heat up, and I bet her backpack functions as a refrigerator, but still, don’t drink and rivet, you know what I mean?

(Demolition Team image © 1984, DC Comics, Green Lantern #174)

Bad super-hero costuming isn’t limited just to complete outfits. It’s entirely possible to have a pretty decent uniform that contains one or more ridiculous components, as I think this panel featuring Marvel bad guy “Blackout” can attest:

Apparently Blackout goes to the same haberdasher as “Electro”. A steep discount in off-the-rack super-villain accouterments is the only explanation I can come up with for this mask/headdress; I imagine the conversation went like this:

Electro: Dammit, I told you I only wanted FIVE lightning bolts on this mask, not SIX!
Haberdasher: Right away, sir, my apologies. snip snip There, all better!
(Several weeks later, Blackout walks into the shop.)
Blackout: Haberdasher, I need a mask! Something with lightning!
Haberdasher: Certainly, I’d be happy to make one up for you, only $1,000.
Blackout: Crap, I only have fifty on me.
Haberdasher, thinking: Hm, I can give you a one-bolt mask out of a remainder for that.
Blackout: Sold!

I bet that thing gets caught on the top of the car door frame every single time. On the plus side, if his electrical powers should ever fail him, he can always lower his head and charge like Rhino, so there’s that.

(All images copyright Marvel Comics)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Specifically, it was the worst of times for super-hero costume design, aka “the 1980’s”. As proof, I give you “Truk”, a villain from the pages of DC’s “The Green Lantern Corps” circa 1986:

I find myself rendered almost speechless by how incredibly lame this character is. If bad were a scale that went to ten, “Truk” would be an eleven. At first I assumed this incident resulted from some sort of Marvel-led takeover of the DC offices in an effort to drive them out of business. Or perhaps it was a bad April Fool’s joke.

But no. This is an actual, bona-fide, yes-they-really-meant-to-do-it super-villain. And thus I am legally required to unleash the mockery.
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