I wonder

Stand witness, friends, as I commit a major act of sacrilege by declaring that one of the Holy Trinity in the DC Universe has a bad costume:

On one level, obviously, this is a perfectly fine costume, as it has helped elevate Wonder Woman to the upper echelon of recognizable and bankable heroes. It's not ridiculous like Calendar Man or hideous like Lightstar or in an obnoxious color like Paladin. It's in primary colors, it shows a lot of skin, and it has a consistent identity, so it satisfies the bare minimum standards for a competent outfit.

But what jumps out at you when you look at Wonder Woman (and don't go with the reflex schoolboy answer)? For me, it's this overwhelming sense of the United States. Red, white, and blue, white stars on a blue field, hints of an eagle in the chest piece (depending on the era). It screams "American Flag".

What's missing is any sense of this person as an Amazon, as a warrior from another culture, as someone who is, fundamentally, not American. I get that she was developed during a time when being pro-Americas was a prerequisite for any character, and that her buddy Superman pretty much cornered the market on that angle. But Superman's costume isn't so blatantly American as Wonder Woman's, which frankly would not look out of place on a female Captain America.

Its badness, therefore, is of a higher order. I would argue that it fails because it says nothing whatsoever about the person wearing it. Furthermore, I think this is a great example of a failure arising not so much from the costume designer as of the character herself. Wonder Woman doesn't have any real reason for existing on her own as anything but a female Superman analogue. And yet grafted onto that is this patriotic shell that makes no sense from the character's perspective.

Setting aside the "meta" aspect of character influencing costume, though, the specifics of her outfit are also strange. The top is usually drawn as metallic, yet (as usual with fantasy females), such armor would be useless in an actual battle, leaving most of her body completely exposed. And if she's invulnerable, as the modern incarnation seems to be, what's the use of metal armor in the first place?

Star spangled underwear always struck me as a bit absurd. Which, given the fact that they're wearing their underwear on the outside in the first place, is quite the trick. You can see in the live-action version just how ridiculous it plays out in real life, however -- it just looks like she rolled out of bed in a seventh grade slumber party.

The basic concept of the bustier is fine, and I actually like the way it translates in the live version, but in the comics I always wonder just how that works. They draw it (as here) sucked onto her breasts like wet plaster, but no metal would work like that. Or if it did, there's no way she'd be able to shove those things in there.

I just think the design misses the mark badly, forced to borrow a patriotic identity out of fear of giving the character herself any real heft or weight. I'd love to see her in something that brought out her Greek origins, or reflected more of a warrior princess motif, or really anything that wasn't warmed over Captain America.

I look forward to your evisceration of my feeble thought process in the comments!

SOD.140

Sometimes even super-genius gorillas get grumpy.

RP: I don't think that's his heel he's reaching for …

(From "America's Best Comics" number 22.)

SOD.139 – Black Adam

Lone Wolf Begins

After playing through quite a bit of the Fabled Lands "Fighting Fantasy" style choose-your-own-adventure module, I decided it was not a good choice for our collaborative effort.

So instead I special ordered a copy of the old "Lone Wolf" series of similar games, the very first in the cycle, called "Flight from the Dark", by Joe Dever and Gary Chalk. So break out your nightlights, check under the bed, and get ready to flee the night, my friends.

You are the sole survivor of a devastating attack on the monastery where you were learning the skills of the Kai Lords. You swear vengeance on the Darklords for the massacre of the Kai warriors, and with a sudden flash of insight you know what you must do. You must set off on a perilous journey to the capital city to warn the King of the terrible threat that faces his people. For you are now the last of the Kai -- you are now LONE WOLF.

Apparently when you graduate to being a Kai Lord you get to have your name appear in all caps. Which is quite the honor, believe me.

Using the random dice roller provided by Wizards of the Coast, I've randomly outfitted us for adventure. Our "Kai Disciplines" are Camouflage, Sixth Sense, Weaponskill: Spear, Mind Blast, and Animal Kinship. I suspect we were a rough-and-tumble frontier kid, trained as a poor but elite warrior with both weapons and psionics, a link between the gross material world of animals and men, and the more refined world of the mind.

Or something like that.

We've got an axe and a mace (apparently all that mental wizardry didn't lead us to picking up our chosen weapon of a spear, but whatever), a map of the general realm, a belt pouch with a whopping One gold crown (hence the poor part), and enough food for one meal. We're good with combat and somewhat hardy.

Here's "The Story So Far":

In the northern land of Sommerlund, it has been the custom for many centuries to send the children of the Warrior Lords to the monastery of Kai. There they are taught the skills and disciplines of their noble fathers.

The Kai monks are masters of their art, and the children in their charge love and respect them in spite of the hardships of their training. For one day when they have finally learnt the secret skills of the Kai, they will return to their homes equipped in mind and body to defend themselves against the constant threat of war from the Darklords of the west.

In olden times, during the Age of the Black Moon, the Darklords waged war on Sommerlund. The conflcit was a long and bitter trial of strength that ended in victory for the Sommlending at the great battle of Maakengorge. King Ulnar and the allies of Durenor broke the Darklord armies at the pass of Moytura and forced them back into the bottomless abyss of Maakengorge. Vashna, mightiest of the Darklords, was slain upon the sword of King Ulnar, called "Sommerswerd", the sword of the sun. Since that age, the Darklords have vowed vengeance upon Sommerlund and the House of Ulnar.

Now it is in the morning of the feast of Fehmarn, when all of the Kai Lords are present at the monastery for the celebrations. Suddenly a great black cloud comes from out of the western skies. So many are the numbers of the black-winged beasts that fill the sky, that the sun is completely hidden. The Darklords, ancient enemy of the Sommlending, are attacking. War has begun.

On this fateful morning, you, Silent Wolf (the name given to you by the Kai) have been sent to collect firewood in the forest as a punishment for your inattention in class. As you are preparing to return, you see to your horror a vast clopud of black leathery creatures swoop down and engulf the monastery.

Dropping the wood, you race to the battle that has already begun. But in the unnatural dark, you stumble and strike your head on a low tree brnach. As you lose consciousness, the last thing that you see in the poor light are the walls of the monastery crashing to the ground.

Many hours pass before you awake. With tears in your eyes you now survey the scene of destruction. Raising your face to the clear sky, you swear vengeance on the Darklords for the massacre of the Kai warriors, and with a sudden flash of realization you know what you must do. You must set off on a perilous journey to the capital city to warn the King of the terrible threat that now faces his people. For you are now the last of the Kai -- you are now the Lone Wolf.

You must make haste for you sense it is not safe to linger by the smoking remains of the ruined monastery. The black-winged beasts could return at any moment. You must set out for the Sommerlund capital of Holmgard and tell the King the terrible news of the massacre: that the whole elite of Kai warriors, save yourself, have been slaughtered. Without the Kai Lords to lead her armies, Sommerlund will be at the mercy of their ancient enemy, the Darklords.

Fighting back tears, you bid farewell to your dead kinsmen. Silently, you promise that their deaths will be avenged. You turn away from the ruins and carefully descend the steep track.

At the foot of the hill, the path splits into two directions, both leading into a large wood.

[polldaddy poll="3222700"]

Can't wait to see which way you all want to go!

(All quoted words, concepts, and art ©1984 by Joe Dever and Gary Chalk. I highly encourage you to go out and buy a back copy of these books for yourself if you enjoy the samples you're getting!)

Poll Position: Two-faced villains not named Two-Face

A couple of weeks ago we thought about what heroes we'd like to see as villains, so this week we're flipping the question around:

{democracy:134}

Discussion to follow.

Continue reading

RP: If Wikipedia ran The Nature Channel

(From "Amazing Man" number 21.)

Caption Contest 76 Voting — What the Whuck?!

I've selected what I think are the funniest replacement dialog entries for Caption Contest 76, and now the rest is up to you! Vote for as many as you like, click on the image to see the panel in a larger size, and whoever gets the most votes overall, wins. Good luck everyone!

[polldaddy poll="3218008"]

SOD.138

Character Contest 34: Adventure!

We're going to try something a little different this week, and instead of having a very general theme for the character design contest, we're going to get very specific.

For this contest, imagine that you are the chief illustrator for a comic book company, and the creative director has come to you with a new character they want to launch by the name of "Cavalier". Here's the background information you are given:

Cavalier hails from another dimension, whose denizens have achieved a kind of material utopia. Energy, food, and shelter are free and abundant. Death by disease is a thing of the past thanks to advanced medical tech. With freedom from want has come freedom from war, violence, and aggression, as everyone lives in harmony with their fellow humans.

Naturally, some people find this state of affairs to be unutterably boring.

One of those disaffected people is an inventor (very much a rarity!) who has developed a machine that opens very small portals into another world. Our world, to be exact. Unfortunately, the location of the portal in the new dimension is immobile, and by happenstance is directly above the "Action Movie" rack at the local Blockbuster store, and after figuring out how to play the primitive discs these films become the biggest cultural hit in generations to sweep the world.

Ultimately they decide that one of their citizens should be able to travel to this exciting new world full of adventure, explosions, rippling muscles, and scantily clad women, where good always wins and evil always dies to the accompanying soundtrack of a hail of bullets and a witty one-liner.

A global contest is held, and the winner is properly outfitted with a costume, weapons, and (most importantly) an auto-record brain implant so he can send back his adventures to a breathless population in his home dimension.

Your job, Chief Illustrator, is to design the look of this new character. The editorial board has decided they want the book and character to be called "Cavalier", but what does the costume look like, what weapons will be wielded, will the comic take on a dark or humorous turn? All of these decisions rest on your shoulders. So get out there and be creative!

The usual contest rules apply: Post your entry in the comments, with a link to an image hosted on a publicly accessible web site, by next Monday when I will choose a winner. The winner will receive the choice of either any item, or a caricature of themselves, to appear in the final HeroMachine 3 product. No limit on entries, just make 'em good.