Caption Contest 4: Roller skates and handgrenades

You can win your very own custom illustration (like this, or this) simply by exercising your wit and humor! In the comments below, enter dialog that should appear for the characters. Keep it suitable for prime time television, make it funny, and just win, baby!

Roller skates and hand grenades

As an example:

Rollerskater1: Yes, I am wearing a disco skating outfit and carrying a purse. Thanks for the directions and ...
Rollerskater2: ... here's your tip. Don't "blow" it all in one place, heh!
Shoe Shine Skater: Thanks!

Good luck everyone!

Caption Contest 3 Winner!

The winner of Caption Contest 3 is ... Leihaha, with a fashion-dominista GL! Leihaha will now get a free custom black and white illustration (within reason), for this witty dialog:

Only I get to wear green!

Well done, and many thanks for all the entrants. Caption Contest 4 will be up momentarily if you want a chance to win your very own professional illustration, so sharpen those funny bones.

Random Panel: Feed me

I give you Keystone City! And all you have to do is feed me!

Random Panel: Billy the Killer Whale

I'm starting a new feature here on the HeroMachine Blog -- a daily Random Panel culled from the pages of the Great Random Comics Horde. I'll be offering them up with no further explanations, for that perfect amount of mind-spraining Zen you've come to expect from me. I hope you enjoy them!

You came to see Billy the Killer Whale too, huh?

Mashup 4: Mr. Creepy and Baja Wally

This week's "Random Monday Mashup", wherein I take one (and only one) panel from ten randomly chosen comic books to try and make a story, features the adventures of Baja Wally, sex-ed teacher from the future. Plus roller skaters!

Continue reading

Bad Flash-back

In an effort to prove that bad fashion is indeed timeless, in 1996 DC saw fit to introduce yet another incarnation of The Flash (apparently a hundred and eleven super speedsters is just not enough) -- scientist John Fox from the year 2645:

Future Flash 1
Future Flash 2

His logo and those weird yellow triangles that replaced the wings from the original Flash's outfit are actually holographic projections that hover a couple of inches off his skin. I hate them. But not as much as I hate the weird jaggedy red vein/lightning bolts running through the blue and black parts of the uniform. It looks like he's either full of lava, or this close to bleeding out. I also hate his chin strap. I'm not a big fan of those in general, and this one just makes his long, lugubrious face look even more horse-like.

Most of all, though, I hate his huge, bulky, "speed-metal" gauntlets. The beauty of the original Flash costume was its simplicity, with the bold red making the yellow lightning bolt elements really leap out at you. Blue and black don't convey an impression of speed, and with the red cutting crooked lines through the whole thing, it all looks broken up and clunky. The bulbous gauntlets just make it worse.

Overall, this outfit doesn't make me think "oooo, speedy!", it makes me think "oooo, cheap knock-off from the future!" He's even smooching Wally West's girlfriend in this image, as if it's not enough to steal the poor guy's name, powers, costume logo, city, and MO! I wouldn't be surprised to find out he's also licked Wally's mouse, worn his underwear, and sat in his sports car while passing gas just to make the thievery complete.

(Image and character ©1996 DC Comics, "The Flash", #116.)

Wok!

Today's edition of OnomontoPOWia teaches us that when you're fighting assassins in the Far East, you get Asian-food sound effects:

Wok!

Next week The Djinn will be tackling Mexican banditos with a mighty "Fajeeeta-skillitt!" sound, before moving on to Rachel Ray, punctuated with a resounding "crock-POT!"

(Image and character from “Coyote”, Vol. 1, No. 7, ©1984, Stephen Englehart.)

Awesome crayon game

Courtesy of Slate, the most talked-about video game at the Game Developer's Conference is not Gears of War, but Crayon Physics Deluxe. Watch the video, and you'll see why I thought this was perfect for the kind of people who like HeroMachine:

If that isn't the most awesome thing I've seen in months, I don't know what awesome is.

Another winner

Would you like your very own custom drawing by Jeff "Professional Illustrator" Hebert, only you don't know how to get it? All you have to do is enter the "Create Your Own Caption Contest", just like Dan did, who now has this illustration of one of his characters, "Miss Music":

Miss Music

The description he gave me was:

If you're up for it, you could do a picture of Tammi in her Miss Music costume. Nothing special - she dresses like a drum majorette with the short frilly skirt, cowgirl boots, that fancy top with ties from side to side, and the big furry hat with the feather sticking up.

I think it turned out pretty well, hopefully you all will like it too. And then you'll get your butts over to Caption Contest 3 and enter yourself, so you can get your own drawing of whatever you like!

How do you like my new body?

To answer his question:

Bezial

I will now count the ways I like -- no, make that love -- his new body:

  1. Mange-ridden dreadlock ponytail flying the opposite way from his leap;
  2. Off-center tattoo (?) "X" on his face;
  3. Bizarre xylophone/washboard rock vest;
  4. Veins on the outside of his arms, which frankly doesn't quite seem medically wise;
  5. Two words: Zeppelin cape;
  6. Vampire goth chick arms pasted into his armpits;
  7. Gigantic, rubber-band-bound thighs atop dainty ballerina feet;
  8. Ability to speak without opening lipless mouth;
  9. Three-lobed right kneecap;
  10. Black fishnet for one set of arms -- apparently it wasn't stretchy enough for the massive upper man-arms.

Yeah, I think that about covers it. I think I'll use that line the next time I haul my disgusting body out to the local public pool and when the woman I'm speaking to recoils in horror, I'll whip out this image and say, "Hey, it could be worse!"

(Image and characters ©1993, Marvel Comics, UK, Ltd., from "Battletide II", No. 3.)