Monthly Archives: December 2011

College Admissions

When last we left our Highway Holocaust warrior, we were debating whether or not to explore the local college grounds looking for inebriated college students survival gear. Thus we clench our kegger close and:

Now look, I'm not waiting another week just to decide whether or not to keep doing what we already decided we were going to do. The results of that last poll were so lopsided, I'm going to take it as a mandate to forge ahead and keep exploring.

How the heck did these previous looters overlook "a large wooden crate"? I mean, put yourself in the mindset of a looter. Not an intrepid explorer trying to preserve civilization, as in our case, of course, there's a huuuuge difference, but one of those people who trespass on property not belonging to them looking for stuff to take. See? Not the same thing at all.

Anyway, look, you're a feckless looter wandering around the grounds, smashing and taking whatever catches your fancy. You see a big wooden crate, the kind used to store valuables, and you just go "Meh"? I think not. The door I can understand, it's big and steel and might take tools to get past. But a crate of wood? If this is the level of accomplishment achieved by the typical post-Apocalyptic looter in Texas, I weep for our future.

So what's it going to be, boys and girls?!

[polldaddy poll="5763739"]

Phrases you never want to hear from a guy in tights

(From "The Green Mask" number 10, 1944.)

Goldbug, yo!

Goldbug had a problem. He enjoyed running around town in his gangland bandana, but he also wanted to be a super villain. His brilliant solution proved he belonged in the upper echelons of crime -- fashion crime, that is:

The integrated bandana look lets him retain his street cred while still allowing him to wear spandex. Not an easy achievement, believe me.

Even better, this sartorial revolution led to another great innovation, namely patterning your chest to look like you're armored, even if you can't afford armor! It's brilliant. Imagine the intrepid heroic adventurer facing Goldbug for the first time. Assuming he or she can get over their immediate fear of the bandana -- "Will his Crip or Blood mates be jumping me if I stop him?!" -- they still might hesitate wondering if their blows will have any effect against his awesome red-and-gold, "No, it's not an Iron Man ripoff" faux body armor.

The squiggly lines in the arms and calves further serve to confuse the enemy. Is he some sort of gold-meister, or is that lava? Do I wear my asbestos underwear or do I need to rush off and double the guard at Fort Knox? That kind of hesitation can kill you in a super battle if you're not careful.

And so we salute you, Goldbug, and your combination Firestar/Spider-Man Eyes/Iron Man Armor homage. Peace out!

All it takes to become a super-hero is to get aroused?!

(From "The Green Mask" number 12, 1944.)

Aliens vs. Sith. Who wins?

Two primal, dark forces pitted against each other in an epic battle to the death! Who do you choose?

{democracy:212}

First, if we're talking a head-to-head matchup between one alien and one Sith fighter, I'd go Sith. The Force tricks, the speed, the intelligence, the fact that Sigourney Weaver beat one, all make me lean that way.

But the real power of the Aliens is when they swarm. So if we're talking about an Alien invasion of the Vader-era Empire, that gets a lot more interesting. Take the Death Star -- that thing has ducts and little hidden corridors all over the place. The Stormtroopers would, obviously, be meat. But then you've got a few Force-adepts running around, who can more than hold their own against some. But a whole ship full of gape-jawed, razor-taloned killers genetically designed to be the ultimate hunt object? I'd pay to see that!

Which would you choose in those scenarios?

This one time, at super-hero band camp …

(From "The Green Mask" number 10, 1944.)

Caption Contest 113: Aerial Super-Dickery

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

Character Contest 78 Winners!

"Lissom" was a tough contest concept. You had to not only make a lissom character, but a good illustration too, and while a lot were able to do one or the other, I only settled on eleven that did both. Here they are!

Continue reading

META: Site updates

Today I submitted a request to my hosting company to move to a different type of service that is metered by memory usage instead of the flat rate I have been using up till now. I want to resolve the temporary outages once and for all, as well as prepare for the future. Hopefully this won't break anything and you won't even notice a difference, but there's always the chance it will all melt down into a steaming pile of digital goo.

Just a heads-up in case you notice funkiness.

Santa was a lot more serious about the Naughty List in the old days …

(From "The Green Mask" number 10, 1944.)