Monthly Archives: December 2008

Killing good fashion dreams since 1993

His name is "Dreamkiller", and apparently the way he kills the most dreams is to draw pointed attention -- literally -- to his enormous crotch:

darkhawk-annual-2-dreamkiller

I can't fathom any other reason for that giant arrow squiggling down his chest to nestle gently yet irresistibly at the entrance to Man Town. It's not even a printed pattern on a shirt, that's a solid metal doohickey, presumably to ensure that it cannot be damaged easily in battle.

Taking that into account with the sleeveless tunic shirt, the blue skull cap/long flowing pony-tail hair combination (like a mullet gone terribly, terribly wrong), the rippling musculature indicating waaaaay too many hours in the gym, and the enormous glistening veneers on those chompers, I'm betting "Dreamkiller" really means "Ladykiller", the kind of guy who spends most of his time trying to convince anyone who'll listen that "It's not just padding in that metal dream hammock, honestly!"

I also love the big ol' honking metal boots with the spikes on the sides. How the hell do you walk in those things without the inside bars bashing against each other with every step? Answer: "When you look THIS good you don't have to walk -- they come to you."

(Image and character ©1993, Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc.)

Random Panel: Great moments in bad comic book pitches, "Tempest Jones, Goat Psychologist" edition

goat-1-drum

Caption Contest 42: Whispering sweet nothings

If you can come up with the best caption for this random comic panel, you'll win your very own custom black and white illustration (like these) of whatever you like:

namor-13-fantastibondage

I am not sure what exactly is going on here between these two ... I mean, I support "The Brotherhood" and all, but Reed's married for goodness' sake!

Anyway, as always there are only three rules. First, no more than three entries per person. Second, all entries must be left in the comments to this post. And third, try to keep it relatively clean, as if you were writing for a broadcast network sitcom.

Good luck, everyone, and Happy New Year!

Caption Contest 41 Winner

I am happy to announce that the winner of Caption Contest 41 is ... John D!

contest41-winners

Congratulations to John, who wins a custom black and white illustration of whatever he likes (within reason). I had to truncate the lyrics a bit to fit the balloon, but I loved the idea of Thanos appearing in a musical. Maybe if he did that more often he wouldn't be so grumpy and bent on universal destruction, you know?

The other Honorable Mentions this week were:

  • Kaldath: Five … Five Dollar Foot Longs!!
  • jude: “Spirit fingers!!!!!”
  • epochfox: join the dark side…. we have cookies and these lovely costumes
  • Bael: “Well aren’t you just the cutest little homicidal xenomorph in the whole wide universe! Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you are!”
  • Ballin' Boy: You’re an angry elf!
  • Rick: Ribbed… for your pleasure.

I apparently love commercial references, obscure movie quotes, cookies, baby talk, and lewd allusions. Me in a nutshell, pretty much!

Thanks to everyone who entered, and keep an eye out in a bit for Caption Contest 42 and YOUR chance to win a professional illustration!

Random Panel: Questions you never want to hear yourself ask …

goat-1-goatchest

Contest 37 Prize: Gravn Imaj

Halloween Jack and I have finished his very funny prize for winning Caption Contest 37. He wanted a parody of a character featuring as many 1990's-era Image cliches as possible, and here's what I ultimately came up with:

gravn-imaj3

(Click the image for a larger version.)

I tried to throw in everything I could, including:

  • Big wide chest and itty-bitty hands;
  • Headpiece at least as large as the torso;
  • Grotesque skull-head open-mouthed gaping grin;
  • Uncontrollable mane of hair;
  • Lots of braids flying in all directions;
  • Feet hidden by convenient bits of landscaping;
  • Weapons that don't quite fit in the hands if you really look at them;
  • Bristling bits of gear hanging from all over;
  • Pouches, pouches, and more pouches;
  • Unnecessary bits of costume fluffery like oversized shoulder pads, thigh bands, etc.;
  • Banded-metal body parts;

The thing about it is, I kind of like the drawing! That's the power of seduction that is Rob Liefeld. It all looks really hawt on first glance, until you look closer at it. But hey, that formula netted him millions, so who am I to bitch about it?

Unfortunately Halloween Jack is out of town on vacation until the end of January so I couldn't get this approved, but he told me to go for it and post it whenever I felt it was ready. It's a lot different than the last thing he saw, hopefully he'll still be pleased.

Don't forget, you can win your OWN custom black and white illustration of whatever you like if you win the HeroMachine Caption Contest 41, going on right now!

You also still have time to enter the UGO Games contest to design the coolest-looking modern warrior. If you win, your creation will be the featured character in an actual online video game, which is awesome. So get busy!

Poll Position: Giant atomic monsters = love

To celebrate the New Year, I thought we should tip our hat to our Asian neighbors and ... oh baloney, I just wanted to think about guys in tights beating the crap out of a giant laser-breathed lizard. Sue me.
Continue reading

Random Panel: QUANTUM goats, sure, but not regular ones

goat-1-paleontologist

Random Panel: Great moments in VERY specific blaster settings

But Captain, mine only has stun and kill!

Watchmen sequel announced!

This just in: "Watchmen" creators Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons have just signed Rob Liefeld to write and illustrate the sequel to their all-time great graphic novel! I was able to obtain a sneak preview of the upcoming cover:

watchbloodm

I feel the extra costuming elements really add something to the characters; I know I look forward to seeing what's in all those pouches, at least. And I got so tired of those Gibbons backgrounds, so full of detail and meaning. Give me good old-fashioned color gradients with lots of random lines hatching across it any day!

I also feel the change in writing duties bodes well, because who wants to spend all that time talking about history and relationships and blah blah blah? I say every page should be a splash page featuring The Watchmen jumping out of a helicopter in order to fight an opposing group of other super-powered characters, like maybe the zombie corpse of Moloch shooting laser beams from his undead eyes!!1!

This definitely is going to rock, I can't wait to read it.

(I wish I could credit the original creator of the image but I can't figure out who did it -- I found it through one of those random Google searches and it didn't have a source.)