Monthly Archives: April 2008

Random Panel: Captain Chekov

In the USSR he’s CAPTAIN Chekov …

The Sounds of Bondage

James Bond scores with so many women, even his sound effects are filled with sexual innuendo. I think it's pretty clear that "Swut" is really "Slut":

Swut

"Skankt" is just plain ol' "Skank":

Skankt

And while James probably doesn't speak Yiddish, I think it's clear what this sound effect is all about:

Stup

James Bond, License to Love.

I really must learn to control my urges, mustn’t I

Yes, James, you really lust. Must!

(All images and characters from James Bond 007: Serpent’s Tooth, No. 1, ©1992, Acme Comics Ltd., Dark Horse Comics, Inc., and Glidrose Publications, Ltd.)

HeroMachine 2.5 New Components!

I am pleased to announce that the full set of Expansion items comprising HeroMachine 2.5 is now complete and available on UGO.com, absolutely free! This release includes all of the bug fixes reported previously as well as 28 new component genres available for your use. I have copied over the most popular components into other slots so you can now have two items from the Coat component, or two from Undershirts, two Companions, etc. Here is the complete list of new component options:

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Random Panel: Next on Dr. Phil!

I turned my own brother into a blood-sucking vampire!

Face Maker

With the HeroMachine 2.5 Expansion nearing completion, I am starting to think about the next big project I should work on. After a bit of back and forth, the one that has me most excited is the idea of a Face Maker, a HeroMachine-powered applet that would focus on the face and head. One site that does something similar is "Ultimate Flash Face", to give you an idea of what I am talking about here. I've got a rough draft wire frame model and some other thoughts after the jump.

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Random Panel: Uh, dude, that's not a woman …

Heaven forgive me, woman, I think I DO love you!

The BatiPod

When Bruce Wayne goes jogging around the darkened alleys of Gotham, you can bet your Batarang that some face-punching, groin-kicking mugger action is going to go down at some point during his exercise routine. And yet that level of violence would surely result in the destruction of his hand-held personalized iPod. The solution? Batman's brass-knuckle steel-reinforced iPod carrier:

Batman iPod

Blue-tinted and personally engraved, this is the ultimate MP3 player accessory for any crime-fighting super-hero. Now you can carry your iPod in your hand while on patrol without needing to fear its destruction when you punch your arch-villain in the face thanks to the steel cage and reinforcing struts. Order your very own BatiPod Carrier Mark IV from Wayne Industries today! (Note: iPod sold separately.)

I guess Steak and Ale was taken?

I'm not going to claim that Jack Kirby got his ideas by looking at stuff on his desk, or from the remains of his hastily-heated discount noodle lunch. But I do wonder how much of his time was spent at bad steak joints while coming up with his scripts, because this:

Sizzler

Is "Sizzler". Yes, that's right, this electrically-charged flying slab of grill grease is named after a nationwide purveyor of seared cow flesh. Luckily, he's a villain. Hopefully after his thrashing at the hands of Silver Star he can get back to home base, the "Sirloin Stockade", and kick it old-school with his sidekick Shoney Big-Boy.

I can't get that scene from "White Men Can't Jump" out of my head, when Wesley Snipe's idiot friend keeps chanting "We goin' Sizzler, we goin' Sizzler!" after they win some money. This is a good case of a pretty decent looking character betrayed by a lame name. Would "Rocky" have been successful with the same script and actors if it were titled "Jackrabbit P. Fusslepott"? Certainly not!

And so Sizzler, despite springing from the pen of the great Jack Kirby, I mock thee.

Random Panel: To Celine Dion on behalf of any man at her concert

Leave him alone woman, can’t you see he’s a creature in torment?

Frank Miller's Spirit?

I would guess that I am the last person in the free comics world to know about this, but Frank Miller has written and is directing a big-screen version of Will Eisner's "The Spirit"?!

Frank Miller’s “The Spirit”

Cool! I really enjoyed Darwyn Cooke's adaption, and of course Will Eisner (for you young whippersnappers out there) is one of the seminal figures in the history of the comics medium, both as a creator and as a thinker. Match that up with Frank Miller, one of the towering names of the modern comics industry, and I have real cause for hope that this movie will rawk.