Hammerknight’s Elven Recipes

My apologies for how long it took me to post these, but some time ago Hammerknight put out two recipe cards for making good elves in HM3, and I thought it was long past time to share them. Thanks HK!


RP: Worst. Pickup line. Ever.

(From "Ultimate Spider-Man" number 6, ©Marvel Comics.)

Killraven? Or Killfashion?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you what may be the worst costume in the history of super-hero comics:

As you can see from the cover, that's Marvel Comics' "Killraven", sporting a San Francisco Gay Pride Parade-worthy outfit featuring leather suspenders AND leather hot pants AND leather thigh boots AND a mini-corset string set AND an Eighties workout headband AND a mullet AND roll-top gloves.

That's a lot of suck to go into a costume that contains a total of, at the outside, three square inches of fabric.

Why would you even need suspenders to hold up those short-shorts? Did the copious use of alternate-future Nair-like hair removal products result in a man-region so slick it sheds clothing like water off a duck's butt?

I'll give him this, though -- he's a lot manlier than I am, because if I tried to wear leather suspenders with no undershirt, my nipples would be chafed absolutely raw. But not Killraven; sore man-nips or not, he's as bold in his fashion sense as he is in combat, what with his innovative "swords versus laser beams" strategy and all.

I said he was manly, not smart.

(Image and character © Marvel Comics.)

RP: Truly the most despised minority group

(From "UItimate X-Men" number 58, ©Marvel Comics.)

Poll Position: Yeeeaaah, I’m gonna need those TPS Reports …

We've all worked for a crappy boss before, the kind of guy who makes you wish your cubicle were soundproofed and invisible. Now imagine if that walking bag of hammers had super-powers. Yeah, scary. Which brings us to this week's Poll Position:

{democracy:161}

Discussion to follow!
Continue reading

RP: Bad blind date recommendations

(From "Ultimate X-Men" number 48, © Marvel Comics.)

Caption Contest 88

I thought it was about time we returned to some good old-fashioned monkey violence in these Caption Contests. And that we throw in some robots, too, because super-heroes dammit! So your challenge is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The rules are simple — submit as many entries as you like (within the bounds of good personal editing), appropriate for no worse than a late-night broadcast TV show, by next Monday. The winner receives their choice of a) any item they like to be included in HeroMachine 3; b) any portrait they like to be included in HM3; or c) any subject (within reason) for a Sketch of the Day style custom black and white drawing.

Good luck everyone!

(Original panel from "Agents of Atlas" number 1, ©2006, Marvel Comics.)

Character Contest 51 Winners!

With great delight and no further fanfare, I present the following exceptional entries to Character Contest 51: Alien Nation!

First up is Abominal401's "The Shadow of the Demon", which I don't think qualifies as an actual "alien", but which I wanted to show you for the great use of silhouette and posing here. The use of just red as the lone color makes for a very striking effect.

I don't love Asder's "Avatar" homage here, but I do love the background. At first I couldn't figure out how he did the background, but it turns out to be as simple as it is effective.

I thought MMI's "Arachni" was a little more "super hero" than "alien" but I love, love, love the patterning of the spider web onto the smoke trails. That's an awesome look.

AJW's "Equithan" is a nice blend of different body parts to create a nifty looking alien-type warrior.

Cliff went for the ever-popular "Alien Squid Tentacle Guy and Hot Girl in Bikini" motif in his "Sixty Seconds Before" homage, and I liked the alienness of the creature.

DiCicatriz had the best "alien mech" type of entry with "The Unseen". I love the glowing headlight and the simple but elegant arrangement of the body parts to make a convincing crab-like creature.

I figure if Millar and Hitch can turn Samuel L. Jackson into Nick Fury, Galahad should be able to make him an alien as he did with "Samuel L. Zaxmar".

Kaldath put together a nice ocean scene along with a cool looking aquatic alien to populate it with "Pyronling".

I thought Kingslaughter did one of the best "scenes" I've seen yet in terms of layout and creative use of posing. I wish the coloring had been more cohesive and not so ... jarring? Regardless, very well done.

Another MMI entry is the neat looking "Drop From Above Alien". I thought the background in particular was cool, but the creature itself is also excellent.

I really liked Mr. Vampire's "Brain Spider" for the concept -- zombie-making space aliens in EVAC suits is downright scary.

Sutter Kaine's leonine alien hunter came out great.

Rozenstal made a comment on his entry that he thought there were too many "humanoid" entries, and he wanted to do something not based on our basic build. I agree, actually -- I was hoping for some really "alien" entries. So when deciding which of the great entries would win, I ended up narrowing it down to the following batch of "non human" aliens.

First is Rozenstal himself, with a nasty looking reptilian beast.

Watson Bradshaw's "Alien" looks like a robot I've seen before but I can't quite place it ... Still, nice job!

Our First Runner-Up is from Tango, titled "Mynzithrum". I love the reflected face in the glass, the water effect surrounding the alien, and of course, the alien life form itself. The design, coloring, and overall layout are all exceptionally well done.

Finally, the Winner of this contest is, as far as I can remember, a newcomer to these endeavors, and I think he knocked it out of the park with all his entries. While stories or explanations aren't necessary -- this is 90% a visual competition -- but I absolutely loved his. I mean, take a look at his explanation for the "Tateroids":

Tateroids are potato shaped, silicon based life forms that spontaneaously change sex if suprised or frightened, often causing the unexpected release of a single, nerflike egg. Tateroids are, understandably, sociophobic and don’t get out much.

And here's the image:

A wonderful combination of imagination, writing, and art. I loved it. Here are a few more, but do yourself a favor and check them all out, they're just great.

So for embracing the challenge of creating aliens both visually and texturally, and for doing such a kick-ass job all the way around, I am happy to pronounce PapaKrok the winner of his choice of any item or any portrait to go in HM3, or a "Sketch of the Day" style illustration.

Congratulations to him and to all our Finalists, and thanks to everyone who took the time to enter!

RP: The difference between officers and NCOs

(From "1602" number 6, ©Marvel Comics.)

RP: Awesome is about right

(From "Incredible Hercules" number 132, 2009.)