I thought it was about time we returned to some good old-fashioned monkey violence in these Caption Contests. And that we throw in some robots, too, because super-heroes dammit! So your challenge is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:
The rules are simple — submit as many entries as you like (within the bounds of good personal editing), appropriate for no worse than a late-night broadcast TV show, by next Monday. The winner receives their choice of a) any item they like to be included in HeroMachine 3; b) any portrait they like to be included in HM3; or c) any subject (within reason) for a Sketch of the Day style custom black and white drawing.
Good luck everyone!
(Original panel from "Agents of Atlas" number 1, ©2006, Marvel Comics.)
It’s time to bust caps like banana’s!
1. It was either this or poop–and I’m all outta’ poop!!
2. That’s right! I AM badder than ol’ King Kong!
3. This is the new face of “monkey business”!!
4. Ain’t no one spankin’ this monkey!
“MONKEY BOY?!? i’ll show you!”
Now look what you made me do! Stop Grabbin my Ass!!!!!!!
“You’re right! This IS a great way to collect brass for the recycling program!”
Hey Chuck Heston! From this damn dirty ape’s cold dead hands!
I told you not to put your hand up there!
“You can keep your shoes!”
1. You damn, dirty humans!
2. Four times the kill rate! I love pwning n00bs!
3. Hold me steady, Inspector Gadget.
4. Bring me all your bananas!
5. Don’t tell me you’re out of bananas.
“Help, I’m being spanked and he’s taking my shoes away!”
“Enema’s make me VERY ANGRY!”
“Sure I can fire a lot of rounds but I can’t hit anything.”
This is what happens when you pay peanuts!
“Yes I have 4 different guns and none of the ammo is interchangeable. So what?”
“Yes, we have no bananas!”
“You spin me right ’round, baby!”
“FEAR the Deadly Muppet!”
“The Ventriloquist has upgraded!” [Gotham City only]
And the ever-popular:
“Look, ma! No hands!”
1. Take this, Dancing With The Stars!
2. Curious George grew up and found 4 fully automatic AK-47s! Don’t ask me what happened to The Man in the Yellow Hat.
3. I’m Donkey’s 3rd cousin half-removed, Brakka Kong!
1. Last time I go to a cut-rate proctologist!
2. Mine is tapped, but yours is gettin’ capped!
3. Colonoscopy!
4. Nothin’ but monkey!
5. You’d think all this recoil would shatter my bones, but this… is… Marvel!
1. “Monkey!? I’LL SHOW YOU MONKEY!”
2. “Yeah, I’m a gun welding ape held aloft by a robot, what of it?”
3. “GOODALL!”
4. “DAMN YOU JANE GOODALL! DAAMN YOU TO HEEEEELLLLLL!
1. Now THIS is Guerrilla warfare!
1. “Evolution my ass this is called adaption!”
1.feel the wrath of my poop you humans
2 holy crap a monkey with a gun
3.here king Kong smashing some banana
4.Curious George was Curious so he pick up a gun
5.holy crap king kong gone banana
6.chuck Norris [ape mode]
7.this what happen to the ape when chuck Norris hits him
“Screw the barrels, Take this Mario!”
1) “Say hello to my little friends!!!”
2) “I AM NOT OVERREACTING!!!”
3) “You need more cowbell!!!”
Watch those pinchers, RoboCop-a-feel!
Oppose the thumb!
“Denzel ain’t got ^%$# on me!”
BANANA SLAMMA!!
I love playing Terrorist!
Go go Gadget Lethal Ape.
Whoops I pooped!
HESTOOOOOON!
Toss this ya metal moron!
Where the crap am I aiming?!?
Get your hands off of me you damn dirty robots!!!
Donkey Kong ain’t got shit on me!
Shooting with my feet talk about multitasking!
1. “Monkey? I’m an ape, dammit! An AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!”
2. THIS IS FOR DIDDY!
3. You don’t even wanna KNOW what’s gonna be flying atcha when I run outta bullets!
4. Welcome to this week’s episode of Robots, Gorillas, and Machine Guns!
5. My aim may suck, but with four of these things I’m bound to hit SOMETHING!
6. THIS is my CRANKY face!
7. Change my Pampers before I shoot someone important!
This is what happens when Donkey Kong plays to much Call Of Duty!
These are way better than some coconut shooter.
WOW I thought they were going to shoot coconuts.
DIE you stupid Crocodiles!
“no one expects the heavily armed monkey firing robot!”
“what kind of farmer is Dr Zaius? A lead farmer Mother F*%#@r!!!!”
“Aim me towards that group of Creationists!”
“CANNONBALL!”
o/~ I did it my way! o/~
Monkey see, monkey shoot!
Wolverine and Colossus make this look so much easier.
2. Donkey Kong, eat your heart out!
3. THIS is how I’D kidnap princess Peach
4. Quick, if we hurry, we can still make a clean getaway with Batman’s utility belt!
1. You ought to see what I use my tail for!
2. Evolution in action, boys! Poop to bullets!
I would do sign language but my hands are full.
I don’t care if I’ve seen too many John Woo movies!!!
Gotta get that thing fixed.
This one’s for Dian Fossey!
“You could help me better if you were with some guns!”
“Mokey are still less evolved?”
“Primate RAGE!”
4. They took Koko’s kitty! Koko want blood!
5. Robot got Kitty, Puppy, Fishy, and ice cream. Now, Robot got Gorilla and is kicking ass.
[Look up “Robot wants Kitty” games on Newgrounds.com for reference. Fun games.]
And THIS is what happens when DIDDY KONG gets the fire flower!
“Feet, don’t fail me now!”
“Monkey Ball Special!”
“Grape Ape! Grape Ape!”
WHO ATE MY BANANA?!?!?!?!!?
GET TO DA CHOPAAAA!!!!
The name is Furious George!
“I’ve got your second amendment right here!”
“Welcome to the gun show! this time, it’s for real!”
“I said, no more elevator muzak at work!!”
“Tropic Thunder sucked! Take that Netflix”!
“What? More fb changes”??
6. [sings] You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up, to blow out all their knees.
1. GUNS!!! WE NEED MORE GUNS!!!
2. They laughed at me when I said to prepare for the Zombie Apocolypse. WELL WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?!
3. There is strength in numbers, and I am threee or four at least!
4. Jesus Saves! But Satan scores on the rebound!
5. I told you that if you played that Owl City Fireflies song one more time that I’d fill you so full of lead you’d be using your prick for a pencil. Well, guess what?!
1. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil? What about shoot all evil?
2. Should have went with that tail gun too!
3. How do I reload?
4. Robot, stop calling me Simba!
5. Don’t hold me up so high. I’ll crash right into the “BRAKA”.
Not a word about my weight, or I’m pointing these AT YOU, tiny robot.
They told me “do not run with a gun”. But I found a loophole.
“Hey, watch the fingers tin can!!! You’re riding up my simien undergarment!!!!”
“Madam, I knew Jane Goodall, and you are NO Jane Goodall.”
“Oh, hey robo I forgot to mention I HATE HEIGHTS!!!!!”
I programmed you to hold me up, not to run while doing it! Messes up my aim!
“I got one!”
5. “I don’t need barrels anymore you sonofabitch!”
“Keep running. We’re almost at the front of the line. I LOVE Black Friday.”
‘You think these pouches are useless, Jeff Herbert? They’re full of extra bullets!”
“I’d like to see you Weismuller your way out of this one, Tarzan.
6. Full-autofire wedgie!
7. Stupid robot, that’s not the safety! That’s my trigger!
6.”Help me! I’m stuck in a pouch on a insane monkey!”
1. Worst cheat code. Ever.
2. This does not make me your sock monkey, ya hear me!
3. I warned you about the Gorilla Grodd jokes, damnit!
1: Monkey see, monkey shoot!
2: TAKE OFF THAT DAMN YELLOW HAT!!!!!!
1. You want to call me chimpanzee again ?!
2. Give me back my bananaaa !!
3. This is a stick up folks, hand over your bananas
4. U have just been Gorillafied !! HUOAH !!
1. I said “RoboCop”, not “RoboColonic”!
2. I’m getting carried away!
3. I came here to kick ass and eat bananas and I’m all out of bananas!
4. Who put blanks in my guns?!
5. No, to the left! I said “LEFT”!
6. SCREW YOU TIM BURTON!
THIS is what happens when you steal my Wheaties!
1 “CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKAAAAAAA?!?!?
2 “GETCHO HANDS OFF MY BUTT!”
3 “I wanted a BANANA, not STUPID PLANTAIN!”
4 “WHERE’S MARIO?!? I’MMA KILL THAT BITCH!!”
“And now for my next trick, I’ll make the monkey talk and shoot guns while I drink a glass of water!”
1. This is what happens when you let the creators of Rambo make the new King Kong movie.
2. The first evolution of man, and the first to use a gun.
3. This is the new actor for Chewbacca?
4. I won the Nobel Peace Prize, but this is how it turned out.
ENDANGERED!!!! I’ll show you who’s “ENDANGERED”!!!!
This is soooo more lethal than flinging poo!!!
“That’s right, I’M the one who blew it up!
Do you really think climbing the Empire State Building is more impressive than what I can do? Well, DO YOU?
Monkey see,Monkey do,Monkey unleash hot automatic death on you!!!
Monkey pinwheel of death,GO!!
1)Ring Ring…Banana phone….It’s for you
2)I am a God fearing ape and say no to the theory evolution…Death to all the non-believers
“Would someone explain the significance of ‘Brakaka’ overhead?”
Keep running! I’ll clear the buffet line!
I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I’m useless, but not for long
The future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
– “Name’s not DONKEY!”
– “I’m going Primal!”
Oh **** i forgot to pu the bins out
apologies i meant ‘Oh **** I forgot to put the bins out’
“I told all you jerks ‘one more Donkey Kong refrance i’m going postal!'”
This scene is to awesome to be disgraced by a caption.
“WHERE’S MARIO?!?! LET’S SEE HIM JUMP OVER THIS!!!!!”