Herr D's CFLs

[Herr D]

This is a shot from round 27 of a local dance-off. Zobey makes a twisting thirty-foot ‘jetais’ toward the next glowing panel. Zobey is one of a three-armed, three-legged, three-eyed, three-gendered species. They always do well in these competitions–the name doesn’t translate well, but it’s essentially like ‘Dance, Dance, Revolution’ in a free-form, basketball-court-sized stadium.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/Round27_zps5ac74f47.png

The light bill per round could run a city block for a day.

[Herr D]

David Birnham was unfortunate enough to be born with osteogenesis imperfecta, a very serious condition. (Mr. Glass in “Unbreakable” had that.) Not to be outdone, he grew up to be a software designer and hardware inventor. He invented a brand-new device that repels biohazard waste like blood and saliva electrostatically. This invention brought in enough money for his entire family’s medical bills for life, and a small lifelong income. He promptly started adding the ‘StayClean’ to all of his latest work.
He’d always loved country line dancing and fantasized dancing the ‘Boot Scootin’ Boogie’ but never dared even practice once. He suddenly realized one day that VR gloves could be reversed. VR gloves could always be padded–but they could be IRL gloves! If maglevs can hold up entire trains, then they could repel and attract boots from and to gloves. So all he needed was a program to convert footage to computer directions to a wireless network within magnetic emitters sewn into padded, mechanized gloves and boots. He made them himself. Just because he could, he added the ‘StayClean’ module to it. Then he got a friend to stream footage of all the dances he wanted onto a tablet, networked it to the ‘DanceSet’ prototype, and arrived in the underground parking garage for a country dancing club. He was all ready for a risk-free, non-embarrassing, perfectly-danced night with no broken bones. He HAD included in the software modules showing the computer to keep the same distances from others shown in the footage . . . so no problems, right?
Ahem. Well. It all would have gone fine if a local hacker hadn’t at that very moment illegally streamed a Jackie Chan movie. At the EXACT SAME frequency as the prototype’s wireless network.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/PrototypeAccident_zpse2d88f2e.png

There were no survivors in the parking garage. A week-long investigation figured out what happened. The ‘DanceSet’ is still just as clean as ever. The hacker has been arrested on charges of voluntary manslaughter.

[Herr D]

I woke up from an unplanned nap convinced that Freud, Dali, and Picasso had once shared a dream and ‘dream-mailed’ it to me across the ether. It looked a lot like, well . . .

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/HerrD-FreudDaliPicassoDream_zps57765b43.png

I may need to cut down on the candy JUST a bit.

[Herr D]

After the historic massacre of the visiting scientists in Cuba, the wrecked and neglected labs allowed such migrations as the Lace Dragons. Eastern Lace Dragons got a lot of attention because their eyes were thicker than their skulls were wide and all three of their eyes could rotate to look out either side of their faces. Debates about their origins and whether to exterminate them went on unusually long. Scientists agreed they were a product of a lab but couldn’t agree whether they were developed to consume toxic waste or learn how to survive septic shock. Both schools of thought were believable, as their wings were made of practically bare bone covered with basically a kite made of dried septic mucus and they had a taste for embalming fluid. It got to the point where funeral directors in Florida had to employ shooters.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/EasternLaceDragon_zpsec2e5a1d.png

Of course, they were fast enough to dodge bullets from twenty feet away, but they could only spit their acid venom about twelve feet. Lower-caliber Glazier rounds were usually the most successful for the money and inherent safety issues. *OPMC

[Herr D]

Papa Vendetti had never been very bright. When told he wasn’t smart enough to be considered ‘family,’ he decided that the Italian Mafioso was too snobbish. He recruited his own multicultural criminal enterprise, the only requirement being that no one had ever called a prospective member smart.

There were a few . . . issues.

*also entered in Kaylin’s contest without story.

[Herr D]

[tv-surfing babysitter suddenly hears] “-stopher Farnsworth, CEO of Yums Baby Food had this to say: ‘I don’t know how the contamination occurred yet. Our website WILL be posting lot numbers and likely locations within the hour. Preliminary reports suggest that it isn’t actually serious, that the beef in question merely had human growth hormone in trace amounts mixed in with steroids in the cattle feed. Until I discover who is responsible all I am ready to say is that people who care about our organic baby food will have refunds for the market price of all contaminated product. We HAVE had a perfect safety record so far–“

[click]

“Was that Yums baby food I gave him earlier” [gets up, walks to hallway]

[runs back to living room, grabs cell, dials] “9-1-1?”
*

[Jeimuzu]

awesome stuff! Zobey stole my heart though, Zobey is totally gonna win that dance competition.

[Herr D]

Awh, J! It’s two intended spouses aren’t for the open thing. Zobey DID win in a record-breaking Round 32. I missed getting an autograph, but I saw some great highlights.

[Herr D]

A special blind-fighting competition was held recently. All each contestant was told before being blindfolded was that they would make the move their coach selected for them the instant the buzzer went off. Then they were blindfolded, led to face another contestant, and observed. Then, when the buzzer went off, they were rated on how well their move affected their opponent.

By far, the winner of the first round was Dave Kovacs. He affected his opponents more than anyone else did. HE’S A VOLLEYBALL PLAYER. Diving Bump Fu–he’s not looking forward to the second round.

*kf-b

[Herr D]

A certain federal contractor sold a weapon to the government that was so advanced, it could tell them why not to use it–AFTER they bought it.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/GeneralMayhemsMistake_zps1dfc1db2.png

*jqsc

[Jeimuzu]

That blind fighting competition sounds like a cool idea. Love that classic volleyball pose, wish I could learn Diving Bump Fu.

[Herr D]

@J: I would recommend that if you do, you have some lovelies teach it to you on a beach. Sand in the teeth is unpleasant, but the sympathy and she-shenanigans can make up for it.

It looks like I’m entering SantaSwap2.

Lola Leilani’s lovely luau looked zany as Zuni the Zombie Pig practically pillaged the whole place. Then Pineapple Joe, the wackier whacker of Waikiki wiped him out.http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/PineappleJoe_zps92dcad0d.png

I’m not touchin’ that apple.

[Herr D]

um? You might say having the wrong perspective is a problem with tattoos.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/TattooProblem_zpsfc563572.png

Who’s the oldest editor?

*KTc

[Herr D]

Some pix aren’t as much fun for the portrayed.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-ThreeAges_zps5d25c6bc.png
*ages*

[Herr D]

The Industrial Ballet is staged for production–
Costuming for the Crane Dance was difficult, but is done.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/CraneDance_zpse812bd41.png
We need a few more investors . . .

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