Random Panel: Dating buzz-crushes

Relax. Nothing you’ve got can hurt me.

Random Panel: Not really helping the rumor mill here, guys

Either we take this outside or we get me a catcher’s mitt!

Good onomontoPOWia — the ice cracketh

I tend to mockery on this blog, but I only kid because I love comics so much. Oh, and I'm a jerk. BUT I do think it's important to recognize examples of good work from time to time, and it's in that spirit that I offer up this page from "The Flash" #116:

kk-kk-koom!

A giant glacier sheet has begun moving on Central City, and has just breached the dam. I love the chosen onomontoPOWia; the "kk-kk" immediately brought to mind the sound of ice cracking and creaking. The colorist has complemented this nicely by using a cool whitish purple for the letters, reinforcing the idea that something cold is making the noise. The KOOM! brings home the sharply different effect of a concrete dam finally exploding, again strengthened by the color choice of red and yellow.

This is a great example of onomontoPOWia done well. Everything works together -- the lettering, the actual art, the coloring, the panel layout -- to give the reader that uniquely comics experience of dynamic action frozen in time (no pun intended) while still moving forward.

I want to expound on that for a moment. A friend of mine once told me that music is an art form that exists only in time. Movies are the same way. They are art only so long as they are moving forward; once they stop, the artistic experience stops except in the memory of the person who experienced it. Yes, you can see music written on a sheet, or study individual film cells, but it's not living, breathing art at that stage.

Comics, on the other hand, exist independent of time. You can hold it in your hand, look at an entire page all at once, put it aside and pick it up later, and it's still the same coherent art piece. You don't have to experience it as it plays out, you can stop, go forward or back, skip around, and do whatever you like with it. Even while you're consuming a panel your eye can jump to the next one, or you can leaf back to the previous page.

That uniquely comic effect -- that ability to exist both in time and outside of it as an art form -- shows clearly on this page. We're very much in the moment of action with the dam exploding, the sound echoing about us, and we're pulled into a close-up of two characters experiencing it along with us. But we're not limited to that reaction shot, our attention can bounce back and forth between them and the frozen explosion, setting up a wonderful sensory experience.

Which is really amazing considering that all of it is just ink on paper.

(Image and character Ā©1996 DC Comics, ā€œThe Flashā€, #116.)

Random Panel: Bad moments in criminal-henchman relations

How you became a master criminal with THAT thing I don’t know.

Screamers

From the pages of ā€œThe Butcherā€ No. 4 (Ā©1990, Mike Baron and Shea Anton Pensa), we learn that all characters in comic books must scream all dialog at each other, whether that be while flying a plane ...

Plane screamy

... while calmly discussing what the situation does or does not call for ...

I don’t think the situation calls for screaming, either, bro.

... while asking a polite question after getting your jaw accidentally unhinged ...

Is your mother a snake, or what?!

... while getting so frustrated watching two pilots shout everyday dialog at each other that your eyes explode into lightning bolts (I'm speaking from personal experience here) ...

Dreads and vampire fangs, just like we did it in the old country.

... while either piloting or co-piloting with your eyes closed and sitting in a chair made of squared-off cement ...

Seriously, doesn’t your mouth get dried out from leaving it open like that all the time?

... while getting groped by a stranger when you're a grandmother and poking him back with a Finger of Outrage ...

If she’s that old there’s no WAY he’s groping in the right place …

... while whispering for the love of Pete ...

Inside voice you fool!

... or just while using incredibly exaggerated gestures to show some doofus what this mysterious thing called a "bow" is.

Maybe if the Invisible Woman and Green Arrow had a child he’d be the Invisible Arrow, but till then, you just look silly.

I'm pretty sure I know now why he's The Butcher -- that's the only way he could come up with to shut everyone the hell up and get some sleep.

Random Panel: I'm pretty sure I'd be moving. Or shooting.

Nobody move!

Caption Contest 8 Prize!

Coyote, the winner of Caption Contest 8, chose a "Vampire Pirate" as his winning illustration theme, and here the ol' swashbuckler is:

Vampire Pirate

If you want to win your very own professional custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason), get on over to "Caption Contest 10: A Hell of a Challenge" now and submit your entry!

Men of the DC Universe contest

Johanna Draper over at "Comics Worth Reading" (a great blog on comics) has a contest running for a male version of this awesome Adam Hughes "Women of the DC Universe" poster, seen here (featuring, from left to right, Catwoman, Oracle, Zatanna, Black Canary, Power Girl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batwoman, Vixen, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn):

Continue reading

Deliciously appropriate product tie-ins

In the history of bad super-hero costumes, I think the Joel Schumacher Batman and Robin Nipple designs have to take home the Oscar (pardon the pun). His fetishistic take on these iconic figures put a stake in the heart of the movie franchise, which made this product tie-in ad I found in one of the Great Random Comics Pile just about perfect:

Batman and Robin Fruit Snack

Batman's glare seems to be saying "Yes, I'm being called a fruit right here on this box, and because I have been given nipple armor (not shown), I am powerless to react. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And Robin, if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, get your left hand away from there!"

Random Panel: So does that mean we're cruising for women, drugs, or werewolves?

Do we or do we not score the dog?