He put the “Bumble” in “Bumble Bee”

The Forties and Fifties weren't all bad in terms of super-hero costume design; sometimes they were downright terrible, as proven by The Red Bee:

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Let's ignore the guy's pathetic "powers" -- he keeps a bee in a box on his belt buckle and no, I'm not kidding -- and focus just on the costume which is, frankly, horrible enough to stop criminals dead in their tracks all by itself. Which is lucky because, come on, otherwise he'd have to rely on the bee and clearly that's not gonna work.

The first problem is that The Red Bee has broken Cardinal Rule Number One of the Male Super Hero Costume -- he's wearing pink. Now I'm as fashion-forward a progressive fellow as you're likely to meet, but not in a super-hero costume. Honestly, can you name even one super-hero who's achieved prominence wearing pink? Can you imagine Batman jogging out in a set of pink bat-ears, or The Pink Lantern? And no, the Pink Panther doesn't count, because for one thing he used to pitch insulation and for another thing I'm not even sure he's a guy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Worse than the mere fact of wearing pink, of course, is that he's wearing pink that clashes with the red in his outfit. While I'm sympathetic to Robin Williams' point in "Good Morning Viet Nam" that "It's a war, uniforms should clash!" I don't think it applies to super-heroes.

But let's say for a moment that you're the kind of guy who can carry off a pink outfit successfully, and let's further pretend that the pink you choose doesn't clash with your other colors, and that you name yourself The Red Bee instead of the Pink Bee and no one complains. Even with all that, you don't put pink on puffy see-through sleeves! That's just wrong. I tell you, if I were that bee stuck in his belt buckle (does he have air holes or what?!) the first thing I'd do when the cry of "Release the Bee!" went out would be to sting this poorly dressed schmuck right in the eyeball for crimes against fashion.

Shockingly the outfit gets worse and worse the lower you go, with the awful red-and-yellow striped leggings and the blue boots. What kind of crack is he smoking that his world is populated a) by red bees and b) by red bees with stripes of yellow? Did they run out of black ink when they were building bees on his planet? And why blue for the boots? That just makes no sense. Maybe there was a law in the Forties that decreed that any super-hero had to have red, yellow, blue, and black in their costumes or they'd get a stiff fine or something. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

Finally, and nothing against the Golden Age here, but who decided that those masks could hide anyone's identity? Seriously. "Is that Bob?! I can't tell because of that paper-thin, inch-wide strip of cloth across his eyebrows, because like any right-thinking American I depend on eyebrow recognition to know who's who!"

Luckily The Red Bee figured all that out and made a costume so sphincter-clinchingly bad that surely no one is ever going to even see his face, much less recognize him.

Random Panel: OK, twice. Three times. Would you believe a hundred?

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(From "The Black Terror" number 9, 1945.)

Character Contest 11: The Black Terror

Imagine you're a comic book illustrator/creator/mad genius, and your boss gives you the kind of assignment you always dreamed of -- the company has acquired the rights to a classic character and they want you to be in charge of redesigning him! In the 1940's a dashing figure cut a swathe through the criminal comic book underworld, by the name of "The Black Terror". Your task is to update that character for a relaunch in the present day. You've got the name and you have access to past issues featuring his exploits, but how much or how little of his previous incarnation you keep is totally up to you. Your only mandate is that the name has to stay the same, "The Black Terror".

Are you imagining that? Well good, because that's the challenge for this week! Come up with the best character reimagining around the name "The Black Terror" to win. This week I'll be judging entries not just on their visual appeal but also on the overall concept behind your retcon; there's more to super-heroes than just the outfits, after all. If you want to bone up on his previous exploits, you can find past issues at "Golden Age Comics", although really that's up to you.

Otherwise the rules are the same as every week:

  1. All entries must be left as links to an image file hosted somewhere on the internet (ImageShack, PicasaWeb, UGO Forums, whatever) in the comments to this post;
    You must use some version of HeroMachine;
  2. No manipulation by outside programs like PhotoShop except for basic cropping and the like;
  3. The contest will run from now until next Tuesday.

Good luck everyone! I am looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

Character Contest 10 Winner!

I'd like to thank everyone for submitting new, interesting, and fun characters for this, the third "Patriot" themed contest I've held. I didn't realize it'd been that many, so while I apologize for overusing the idea, I have no apologies for the quality of the artwork submitted. So hats off to you all, nice job again this week!

As usual, after the jump I've assembled the Honorable Mentions and the overall winner. If you don't see yours listed it's not a reflection on you or your imagination, just a limitation of size and time. Now, onward!

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Random Panel: I guess that’s what the lipstick’s for …

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(From "The Black Terror" number 9, 1945.)

Poll Position: What puts the Super in Superman?

I've long wondered what exactly it is that made Superman the mega-star he is when so many other characters from the Thirties long since faded away into utter obscurity (many of them found right here on these pages being made fun of, and what kind of life is that for a guy in tights?). Sure, he has lots of powers, but so did those other guys. And yes, he had a flashy costume, but so did a lot of the other crusaders running around the funny pages. Is it as simple as he was first, so he had dibs on the popular imagination?

Beyond that, though, the character has been through more re-imaginings and ret-cons and re-definitions than I can count, and yet his core still remains unquestionably "Superman". So what is it that makes him who he is, with a seeming death-grip on the American public consciousness as "the" super-hero? So here's the question I came up with to try and grapple with that issue:

{democracy:90}

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Random Panel: Remember, bullets are only quiet if you use them as clubs

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(From "The Black Terror" number 9, 1945.)

HM3: Settings

I'm going to be moving on to various background or setting elements tomorrow, so if you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments here. I'm talking about various props such as chairs, tables, flooring, background walls, doors, fields of lava, that kind of thing, items that would surround your character and make it look as if there is an actual scene taking place. One such set will probably be word balloons, for instance.

Random Panel: Comic or Porn script? You decide!

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(From "Kid Eternity" number 2, 1946.)

Random Panel: Next week on “Lazy Criminal Minds”

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(From "The Black Terror" number 1, 1942.)