- This topic has 405 replies, 44 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
.
-
Thanks guys!
I seem to be on a symbolic picture track recently, ’cause this is what I have this time around:
Thanks everyone!
I have a remake of a previous character that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time: Harriette, and this time with her Felis Ward Alyen!
Original Harriette:
Harriette Take 2 and Alyen
Harriette Take 2 close-up:
Alyen close-up:
Going back to Fantasy Force for one more character, this time Fox, who didn’t appear in the group picture I posted earlier. Thing is, I can’t decide whether she should have a tail or not. Any advice, guys?
Fox with tail:
Fox without tail:
And no, this isn’t my entry for the current pop quiz.
@ JR and luiz: Haha. You two’s foxy comments made my day
In the end, I picked Fox having a tail. Anyways, here’s her close-up and bio, plus her full picture again:
Fox:
Close-up:
Bio:
Name: Fox
Aliases: The Nafeling Fai Fox (Most common Felian nickname; “nafeling†means extraterrestial)
Age: 21
Alignment: Superheroine
Associations: Fantasy Force, AlterWatch (former member), escapees from Profgress Genetics Labs
Powers/Skills: Abilities of a fox (i.e., heightened agility, can run up to 45 mph, very clever, etc.)
Notes: Currently on Felinae as Oberon’s Terran counterpart.Fox is the Terran who swapped places with Oberon. Ever since she can remember, she was treated like an genetic experiment, which, in fact, she was. She was raised in Profgress Genetic Labs from a young child as a test subject for “mixed DNAâ€, a.k.a., before she was born, she was injected with red fox DNA, and grew up with the abilities of a red fox alongside the usual human traits.
Fox and the other mixed DNA test subjects were raised together in an inhumane environment and were treated horribly by the people experimenting on them. They were subject to difficult training regimes, as well as severe punishments for disobedience and rebellion. The only thing each individual test subject had that was unique to themselves were the names they were given that identified what animal they shared traits with.
Fox, alongside a couple of other Profgress test subjects, finally escaped from Profgress Genetic Labs when they reached the pinnacle of their physical abilities, around the same age most people are considered to be legal adults. Most of the escapees formed their own tight-knit community to learn about, and later become a part of, the outside world. Fox was with this group. Others, however, either set off to wreck loose revenge on Profgress, or struck out on their own. AlterWatch soon became a registered superhero group when their leader Lion deemed it was in their best interest that they show the world that AlterWatch was a force for good and that they were more than “freaks of natureâ€.
Fox left AlterWatch 2 years after the escape when she had major argument with Lion about something that only she and him know. She was roaming the United States in search of a place to call home when she bumped into the Fantasy Force while they were searching for prospective members. A demonstration and an application later, Fox joined the Fantasy Force as a recon specialist.
As time went on, Fox grew to be an integral part of the Fantasy Force, even to the point where Shieldrush, the most paranoid member of the group, trusted her with his life. But when the time came for the Fantasy Force to choose one member to represent them on Felinae, Fox volunteered herself for reasons known only to her. It was hard, though, for the ones in charge of maintaining the requirements of the Exchanged-Protection Clause to accept Fox as a suitable representative because of her dubious origins and her altered genetic make-up. Despite this, however, Fox was able to go to Felinae as the Fantasy Force’s, and to an extent, AlterWatch’s, representative.
Currently, Fox is on Felinae as acting representative of the Fantasy Force and is working as a mercenary-for-hire. One of her most common nicknames on Felinae is “The Nafeling Fai Foxâ€. That is, after she explains what exactly is a fox.
I’m just wondering, but can I get critiques on the bio’s? I’m trying to improve my writing abilities and I would like some feedback.
“As time went on, Fox grew to be an integral part of the Fantasy Force, even to the point where even Shieldrush trusted her with his life.”
As time went on, Fox grew to be an integral part of the Fantasy Force, even to the point where (TAKE OUT EVEN) Shieldrush, one of the most cynical/skeptical/xenophobic members trusted her with his life.
Better to avoid repeating the same word by being more descriptive. You seem complete enough. I would have to know more specifics about your goals (intended audience, intended tone/style etc.) before I could do much more–your grammar and spelling are obviously okay.
@Herr D said:
“As time went on, Fox grew to be an integral part of the Fantasy Force, even to the point where even Shieldrush trusted her with his life.”
As time went on, Fox grew to be an integral part of the Fantasy Force, even to the point where (TAKE OUT EVEN) Shieldrush, one of the most cynical/skeptical/xenophobic members trusted her with his life.
Better to avoid repeating the same word by being more descriptive. You seem complete enough. I would have to know more specifics about your goals (intended audience, intended tone/style etc.) before I could do much more–your grammar and spelling are obviously okay.
Thanks, Herr D. As for my goals with these bios, I’m writing them as a way to inform people about my characters’ origins and other additional info that I feel is necessary to understanding them.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
