Herr D's CFLs

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    Herr D

    A belated thank you to Keric for reminding me to make this card for my wife.


    A human without love is like a . . . a . . . a sociopath? Nevermind. If you’re a human, be sure not to skimp. If you’re one of those ‘visitors’ to the human experience, make sure you’re registered for it on your itinerary.



    Sweet Smile


    Herr D

    [click, static, odd beeps]–and thank you, Weilyn, for that kind word. Been doin’ some healin,’ some travelin,’ and some miscellaneous things the MIB’s wouldn’t want me yammerin’ on about, so–sorry for the long station break.
    Before I met the wife, a former fellow performer of mine known to some as Todd the Pterodactyl said at a function that he believed there is someone for everyone. I blurted out: “Even for me?”
    To his credit, his faith was only tested for seven or eight seconds before he said, “Yes, [timely stage name redacted,] even for you.”

    But enough about me.

    W-H-A-T radioooo.
    All participants in the Hairbrush Nebula? It’s YOUR turn to guess which one of these four is NOT a title of an Earth song, but rather a common reaction to seeing an Earthling for the first time. Is the fake title: What You Need, What I Want, What’d I Say, or What Is THAT?!

    . . . And congratulations go out to Sister Cecilia Sputnik The Psychic, for correctly identifying the artist and title of the song we’re just about to play–“What’s Your Malfunction” by Kahnman on the Keric label.



    Herr D

    [BONG BONG BONG] Woohoo! In celebration of my 1000th view, I hereby declare the next requestor on this thread the winner of a blurb. Any hm participant with their own pic thread simply post “I request a blurb for” and three to four character names with their block numbers. I must have at least three choices. Only demons, devils, or other supreme evils are ineligible.

    One blurb, most likely zany, will be delivered to your thread and possibly copied here. I tend to backstory, irony, surprise, reversals, and attempted wit. . . GO!

    ***edit: Blurb delivered to Weilyn, from post #76 now to #322. Embarassed She really DID call me a muse!



    Crap! What is a block number!?


    Herr D

    Eeww. I hope I didn’t make that up. This is block #126. 20 blocks to a thread page.
    (is there a more correct name? I am much less used to the virtual world than the so-called actual one.)



    Post is the term I’ve heard.


    Herr D

    Doh! Yah, okay, post number. So I can find your pics. Sheesh.

    Moving on . . . Some contests it IS better to lose. I’ve never been into reality t.v., but something tells me the appeal is far-flung.
    Glrt had better be careful, too; he might break his suit.



    Herr D

    Some days OTC pain relievers aren’t enough. Robin Williams once declared there was a med named ‘F***itol.’ It might be nice to temporarily not be capable of CARING about excessive pain . . . Some of us aren’t lucky enough to have a physiognomy that falls within the bell curves of standard medicines anyway.


    And anyone who reacts so badly to meds as I do and has a 10-million megaton imagination, the illegal choices would be an even worse idea than they would be for perfectly ordinary, perfectly healthy people who are safe taking the regulated stuff. Meditation, anyone? Comes in five levels of effectiveness: ADHD, Bungler, Mediocre, Veritable Expert, and Zen. Dosage PRN. [as needed] The above pic is entitled ‘Simultaneous Migraine And Toothache.’


    Herr D

    Another hero. [checks temperature]

    Don’t ask Banner the obvious question. I managed to capture this moment when she faced off against a brutal tough. His head WAS found . . .



    Herr D

    Rick said he went to cut down that old tree with a chainsaw he got secondhand on Mojner Avenue downtown. (I know, there isn’t a Mojner Avenue–he must have been drunk.) Anyway, he got half through the trunk, and two eyes began to glow. The limbs rearranged themselves, and the two biggest reached down and pushed till the whole thing broke free. It did a handstand, rolled to it’s, well, feet, and started down Main Street. It stopped at the salvage yard and tore off part of an old truck at a woman’s urging to cover itself. Officer Coy led it to the National Forest. It said it’s name is Oaker.


    Rick is making such a big deal. He won’t tell anyone what he did with the chainsaw or ANYTHING.


    Herr D

    It stopped at the salvage yard and tore off part of an old truck at a woman’s urging to cover itself. Officer Coy led it to the National Forest. It said it’s name is Oaker.

    Judge Ghent: You understand you are under OATH, Miss Jersey?
    Jersey: Yes, your honor.
    Prosecuting Attorney: Miss Jersey, you testified that you hit a tree in the road.
    Jersey: Yes, that’s right.
    PA: and that the tree “left unhurt.”
    Jersey: Yes.
    PA: and that you advised it to “cover itself?”
    Jersey: Yes. Well. He had these really big, KNOTS, you know? Not very appropriate in public. And so I told him to cover himself. He said he didn’t understand, because he would still be ‘knotty.’ He didn’t understand that I meant ‘NAUGHTY,’ you know? But he reached into the salvage yard and tore most of the side of a truck off. He bent it around himself while Officer Coy took my statement and followed Officer Coy to the national forest. He said he was named ‘Oaker’ because he was an oak and he should rhyme with a color. Officer Coy said he was jaywalking but couldn’t charge him. He’s not human, you know? Anyway, he wasn’t hurt and doesn’t have money or an owner, so Officer Coy said he didn’t know what kind of a ticket to write me.
    PA: [mopping forehead] Your witness.


    Herr D

    The passenger had to step up her game. She really didn’t do too bad, considering–


    –that she had no training AT ALL. The pilot was sick.

    **Note: This is also submitted to “Kick it!” in the blog. The backgrounds are right shoes at 999%. The pretty young thing is made of male right feet. The wreck is made of most of the tech right feet. The ideas came from all the pretty young things I could have had an accident over, and this piece is therefore dedicated to my wife, who helps me keep my insurance premiums down.


    Herr D

    Dr. Schlotz gives a great lecture on theoretical physiological experimentation and the practical results. He seems to be one of the greatest predictors of advances in genetics, biology, and biophysics. It’s a pity about his recent tragedy. Apparently someone broke into his home while he was away and torched his private laboratory. Destroyed all his records!


    I mean, that’s the second time this YEAR.


    Herr D

    A representative of the Bureau of Indian Affairs and a buyer’s real estate lawyer sat down for a meeting about a parcel of land that might be dis-included from a reservation based on a questionable deed of prior ownership. A peculiarly dressed, humpbacked man walked right in, unannounced. He wore a crude, burlap, two-piece garment and a crude PLASTIC-looking mask with a veil. He held up an odd-looking flute and said, “Everyone who thinks this deal should NOT be made–STAND UP AND WALK OUT OF THE MEETING!”
    He began the worst playing any of the witnesses had ever heard, and began prancing out.
    Stunned, no one else moved. But you’ll never believe what the security cameras saw leaving the meeting and disappearing into the desert . . . the deed is now missing. And oil has just been discovered on that very parcel of land . . .


    One of the witnesses, while drinking heavily later, said that the worst part of the whole thing was hearing brass claws on the hard floor. I’m just glad nothing was made of alligator skin.

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