Category Archives: RPG Corner

Stuffing the bunny, if you know what I mean

Have you ever been a stuffed bunny out on a date when suddenly you realize your companion is a brain-lusting zombie? I think we all have, because in addition to the horrors of dating many of us started our latest Choose Your Own Adventure last week with "Zombocalypse Now"!

When last we left our intrepid Velveteen Lothario, we were deciding whether to try and stick it out with our date or flee to the bathroom. In the finest Lone Wolf tradition, we cut and run:

Ah, the age-old CYOA conundrum, whether to flee for help or stay and fight. Luckily we don't have an irritating "Try and dodge the oncoming biker truck" skill and you haven't had to rely on your friendly neighborhood blogger to roll any dice. It's just pure intellectual brainpower ... oh crap. We're hosed.

Have at it, my little duckies, make your choice and defend yourself in the comments.

I wonder what horny stuffed bunnies shout as they charge into battle with the undead?

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("Zombocalypse Now" copyright ©2009 by Matt Youngmark. You can buy this great book for your very own here and I highly encourage you to do so. I did, and believe me, you're going to want to experience the full story in a way these samples simply cannot.)

"Zombocalypse Now", now!

It's time for a new Choose Your Own Adventure adventure, choosers! For this installment we're going to put ourselves in the life of a stuffed rabbit trying to survive a zombie apocalypse.

So buckle your seat belts, kids, it's time for braaaaains!

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We spring like tiger. LIKE LASER BEAM MADE OF TIGER!

On our last episode, our ragtag band of plucky survivalists was about to be assaulted by a scraggly band of motorcycle marauders. We decided that rather than wading into battle on our shaking little chicken legs, we'd unlimber our trusty rifle and take aim at the vandals. Unfortunately it looks like at least one of them went to the Jean Claude Van Damm School of Fighting and Comportment:

We done been KICK-SERVED, mofos!

Thus we find ourselves exactly where we did not want to be: Pitting our shriveled manhood against Bald Tatto Guy. I've been there, my friends, and believe me, it's not fun. Not fun at all.

Resigning myself to another "Time to pick another adventure and hope we don't die so fast this time" post, I nonetheless gamed it out.

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Bikers! And not the Lance Armstrong kind.

In our previous installment of "Freeway Road Warrior But Not the Mel Gibson One Oh Hell Let's Call It Highway Warrior Instead", we were debating whether or not to raid the rotted corpse of the local DJ. Knowing the personal hygiene habits of your average radio personality and the virulence of the various organisms usually living on them, I'm dubious that searching this rotted husk is a good idea. Nonetheless, that's what we decided to do:

Do we want any med kits? Speak up in comments either way.

Meanwhile:

Despite our shockingly low Stealth score, somehow I actually rolled well for once and we got above a 9! Maybe the Austin air is blowing a fair wind on my dice ...

Wait a minute, why is it called Stealth if they meant Dexterity? We didn't hide from the bikers, we rolled out of the way. Whatever.

The good news is we're alive with no damage, and now we get to decide on the form our swift, savage justice will take!

[polldaddy poll="5950474"]

Frankly I see us as more of the stand far away and shoot people type rather than up-close and personal, but maybe you're feeling especially Rambo-esque today.

Freestyle Round 3

I was supposed to post this yesterday but I didn't manage to get to it. I apologize for the delay, but am happy to present the next round of our HeroMachine Freestyle Story! Our winning continuation came from Gero, with a new illustration by Skybandit. Our story thus far:

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The Apocalypse Killed the Radio Star

When last we left our intrepid Freeway Warrior, we were deciding whether or not to investigate the source of a radio signal. Ever adventurous, we decided to go for it:

Sadly, we do not possess a CB Radio, much to my chagrin. I think every post-Apocalypse story ought to feature these handy devices, along with a gimmee-cap with a Confederate flag on it. Imagine how much more fun "Road Warrior" would have been if Mel Gibson had to come up with a CB Handle. "Breaker breaker one nine, this is the Angry Beaver, come on."

But I digress.

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Freestyle, Round 2!

After a missed couple of weeks, it's time to continue our Freestyle Adventure Series. We had some really good story seeds turned in, but unfortunately my idea of a comment voting system didn't work out -- the plugin was definitely sub-optimal. In lieu of that and so we don't have to wait another week, I just picked our winning seed and image. Unfortunately, a high percentage of them failed to follow instructions and either weren't written in second person, weren't gender-neutral, or didn't have a good jumping-off point.

Our winning story segment comes from the puissant pen of ... Skybandit!

The cobwebs were thick upon the intricately carved altar, throwing odd shadows from the guttering candle in your hand. Your uncle had never installed electricity in the basement of the ancient mansion that he had left you in his will. Opening the crumbling book to the page he had marked before his horribly bloody death, you fulfilled the only proviso to gain the full inheritance by reading out the words on the crumbling parchment, stumbling over the strange words.

Perhaps you should have been more careful with your pronunciation, for in a flash and with a rumble like a Californian quake, there appeared …

Thus your challenge this week is one of two things (or both, if you fancy a challenge):

  1. Write the next short section of our ongoing adventure using the seed in blockquotes above and what is depicted in the winning image, below. The text should be written in second-person point of view ("You are a young warrior of the Wu Tang Clan") and should be gender-neutral. The section should end with an open-ended statement making it easy for the next person to hook on their section, something like "You turn the corner and see ..." or "Leaping from the cliff, your wild hands scrabble along the rocks and encounter ..." or "Heat vision blasting, out of the corner of your eye you see descending from the clouds a ...", that kind of thing. The goal is to make it easy for the next person to know where to jump off.
  2. If writing isn't your thing, you can post a link to an image you've created in HeroMachine that the next person will have to incorporate into their scene. It might be a human character of some sort, or an animal, or an item, or a scene, or whatever you like.

If you choose to write the next segment, here's the image you must somehow incorporate into the story, courtesy of Keith_Kanin:


(Click to embiggen.)

I've installed the GD Star comment rating system, which I hope will be more stable than the last plugin I tried. Registered users can vote for entries they like with a thumbs-up; the image and story with the most thumbs-up votes wins!

If this turns out not to work, I'll just pick the best story and image like a regular contest.

Good luck!

All aboard the post-Apocalyptic Soul Train

Apparently there's no Macy's in post-Apocalyptic America, because given the chance we opted to run to the nearest store as soon as possible in our ongoing Freeway Warrior quest. In fact, maybe we should rename it Freeway Shopping Warrior, since we seem to spend a lot of time hunting sales rather than bad guys.

Bullets, wahoo! And a hammer. If this were the Eighties I'd be tempted to say it's "Hammer Time", but I suspect the supply of low-lying sequined pantaloons is at an all-time low right about now.

Good ol' Uncle Jonas, always there with a well-timed aphorism that makes you want to stab him in the eye with a fork. Although, let's be honest, he was probably the last surviving member of the Jonas Brothers band, and I bet he did so via the liberal use of a fork on his erstwhile bandmates, Donner-style.

Yes, that's a cannibalistic pop music joke. You can't BUY this kind of entertainment, folks!

Continuing our musical interlude, it's radio! This is one of the few times the adventure feels a bit dated, because frankly radio died long before the apocalypse. Not that Mr. Dever could have known that was coming in 1988, busy as he was planning to have Mr. Grant for dinner. Ahem.

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Shopping Day, Apocalypse Style

Let's review what we know about our Freeway Warrior thus far: while he shoots like Bullseye he drives like Miss Daisy. Which possibly renders our next adventure understandable, because when last we left him, we had decided to investigate a local air base.

Some days you have fifteen screens of narrative before you have to decide anything important, and some days you get ... this. A decision on where we'd like to shop. I envision an entire misguided "Girl's Adventure" series, where middle-aged men write stuff they think girls would want, with decision trees like "Which dollie would you buy" or "Which store should we shop at next" or even something really stupid like "Edward or Jacob".

Meanwhile the actual girls (at least, the awesome geeky kind like those who hang out here) reading it would be hunting down the nearest tub of bleach so they could wipe out the nonsense on the pages and write their own damn fiction already.

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Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride

When last we left our intrepid and tragically incompetent Freeway Warrior, we had decided to raid the short bus for a fan belt, chucking out our trusty altimeter. We better hope we don't find ourselves clinging desperately to the burning skin of a dirigible at any point in this little outing or boy will we be sorry!

That decision leads us to talking. Lots and lots of talking. Because when I think "Adventure", I think endless paragraphs of prose. To whet your appetite, however, we eventually end up here:

So keep reading!

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