Monthly Archives: January 2011

Bad Fashion Nineties strikes again

For people my age, the 1970s are the touchstone for bad fashion. We saw a rare confluence of bad fabrics (shimmery polyester for example), bad incidentals (huge collars, wide ties), and unfortunate color sense (paisley browns, electric orange shag carpeting, white shoes).

But with the benefit of hindsight, the 1990s mounted a serious challenge to the King of Bad Fashion Decades, at least for super hero costumes. This Wonder Woman ensemble from an issue of DC Comics' "Elseworlds" serves as a great example of that; allow me to give you a tour.

Let's start with that Fauxhawk, which tries to combine the long-haired Penthouse pinpup look (required of all female comics characters) with a Punk sensibility. But let's be honest, no Punk would ever go out in a tiara. It's just not done.

You then get to that staple of the Nineties Costume, the popped collar. On, of course, a short-waisted leather jacket with rolled-up sleeves. I can never figure out what it was about the climate in the 1990s that made people get cold only on their upper arms and shoulders. I keep watching "The Weather Channel" hoping to see some sort of explanation, but alas, I watch in vain.

The torso's fairly traditional Wonder Woman fare, though with a French-cut bikini line that would shame even the French. (I'm kidding, of course -- the French are shameless. And I should know, I'm one quarter French!)

Interestingly, though, she has on a short-sleeved turtleneck covering the swell of her Wonder Bosoms, which makes you kind of wonder why she's bothering with a bustier in the first place, since swelling Wonder Bosoms is kind of the point of that particular bit of fashion.

Hang on, though, while I reiterate -- she's wearing a short-sleeved turtleneck. Again, what is the temperature gradient that would result in such a thing?

Whatever it was, it also led to multiple boots, something I have never understood. She's got on leggings, thigh boots, kneepads, and regular super hero boots. That's some serious legwear, folks.

I'm forced to wonder at the puke-green eyepatch-wearing Mullet Man With Thigh Pouches she's accosting in this scene. Is he from the Fashion Police, sent out to arrest her for crimes against humanity? Does it take an alternate Elseworld to finally bring sanity to the fashion-challenged Nineties?

We can only hope.

(Image and characters ©1994, DC Comics.)

RP: Note to self — do NOT join Squad One

(From "Daredevil" number 11, 1942. Not that Daredevil, the first one -- totally unrelated.)

Caption Contest 88 Prize

Joshua and I have finished his prize for winning Caption Contest 88, which can now be found in GloveRightStandard and GloveLeftStandard:

If you don't see it in the set, clear your browser's cache and try again.

Thanks for picking a nifty item, Joshua!

Poll Position: Rank badness

If comic book nerds love one thing, it's the opposite sex. Or the same sex. Really, sex of any kind, but aside from that, if comic book nerds love one thing, it's arguing about rankings. This year I plan on embracing my inner nerd nature fully, and thus I begin by lobbing a virtual parcel of dynamite into the frothy nerd-swirl of a comic book rave by asking:

{democracy:165}

I bet that's the first time you've heard the words "frothy" and "nerd" in the same sentence and not broken out in a nervous sweat.

On your marks ... get set ... ARGUE! Next Tuesday the poll will close and we'll have our official ranking by the HeroMachine community of the greatest villains of ALL TIME!
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RP: If Hollywood were to remake “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”

(From "Daredevil" number 11, 1942.)

Caption Contest 89 Winner! A little late …

So a funny thing happened on the way to judging Caption Contest 89. We were moving, and of course a massive snow storm hit that day (-27 that night). That delayed everything, including our internet installation. When that finally got done and we were settled in enough for me to have time to go through all the entries, I was pretty tired. I did my usual thing, collecting all the ones I thought were potential winners, in a plain text document. By the time I was done I had to get up to make dinner.

Afterwards my mother-in-law (did I mention we had relatives visiting, arriving at the airport two hours after I touched down from my week long visit to Baton Rouge? In the middle of a move from one town to another? During a massive snow storm? Yeah.) asked if she could use the computer to check her Yahoo Mail. She's on a Dell at home and I have a Mac, but no big deal because a browser's a browser, right?

Wrong.

I sat down late that night after she was done and stared at my shiny, empty desktop. Every document had been dutifully closed, including my unsaved text file with all the finalists.

So, yeah. Again.

Anyway, love her to death, but I just didn't have the heart to go back through and re-do it all. Which is a long way around saying I'm sorry for the long delay, and here are your Finalists.

  • Z. Daniel Phoenix:
    Hulk not just strong.
    Hulk Army Strong!
  • Runt82: Hulk have manners! Hulk tank you very much!
  • Watson Bradshaw: “HULK PARK TANK, YOU TIP BIG!!!”
  • count libido: Now Hulk just need other Hulks to spell out M-C-A!
  • kyle: Die spider!
  • Razhwurz: “NO BODY MOVE! I lost a contact lens!”
  • Rhinoman: “DUDE! Where Hulk’s Car?”
  • venomfang666: All your tank belong to hulk!
  • frankie: “HULK NOT STUPID. HULK SEE ‘NINJA TANK’.”
  • HalLoweEn JacK: HULK IS NO DUMB BUNNY AT THINKING!

Particular noteworthy are Frankie and HalLoweEn JacK for referencing particularly funny random panels from the past. And to Count Libido for what I think was the most out-of-the-box response that never would have occurred to me, and is especially funny given the plethora of Hulks wandering around the Marvelverse these days.

However, your overall winner is not one of those, but rather from ... Gero!

This is a very obscure reference, but for all us old fogies who used to be stuck playing cheap-ass computer games, it really struck a note. Well done, Gero, let me know what you'd like for your prize!

Caption Contest 90: The ties that bind

Come up with the best replacement dialog for this random comics panel (courtesy of Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43) and you’ll win your choice of either any item you like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration!

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny! That will be a challenge given this week's subject, but I know you can do it!

Finally, please make sure to break your entry into the two different word balloons, like:

1. This is absolutely the last time ...
2. ... I fly coach!

Or

1. Um, hello, is anyone out there?
2. I'm here to apply for the Princess Leia on the pleasure barge role? Anyone?

No limit on the number of submissions beyond normal self-editing (i.e. don’t spam crappy entries hoping to get lucky), so good luck to everyone. Contest closes next Monday.

(Image © LucasFilms Ltd.)

Character Contest 54 Results

Many thanks to everyone who entered Character Contest 54! I'm going to do something quite different with the results this week: I've chosen one entry I felt was the best from each person who provided a valid link and will comment on it. Then at the end, I'll announce which one I think was the winner overall.

Usually I'd pick out 10-20 of the very best overall, but I can see how it would be frustrating to work hard every week only to never get any sense for why yours wasn't chosen. I can't promise I'll do this every week because it's a lot of work, and the descriptions may be as brief as just a sentence, but we'll see how it goes. I'd love to hear what you think of this approach, though.

Practically speaking, that means you're going to find a lot of images after the jump, so click through with caution!

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RP: Tempting, but … NO.

(From "Daredevil" number 11, 1942.)

RP: Amen

(From "New Romances" number 5, 1951.)