Monthly Archives: August 2008

Because nothing says "Macho Universe Destroying God" like a beer gut

As I mentioned in the Mashup credits, here’s a free tip for any of you comics industry bigwigs out there. If your project requires a scripter and a plotter, two pencillers, and three inkers, it’s going to suck. Witness “Trinity”, an unholy multi-space-going-comic-characters crossover featuring L.E.G.I.O.N., the Green Lantern Corps, and the Darkstars, with all of the cringe-inducing anticipation of crap you, the savvy reader, would expect.

What really caught my attention about this Space-Borne Spectacle of Suck, however, was the beer-belly-baring badness of Tzodar the Destroyer:

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Here you can see just how large Tzodar's gut is by virtue of the unnamed hero getting unfortunately sucked into his belly button. Luckily, when you're a god you get to have the best fashion designers in the universe put together your outfits, which is why his armor has a convenient cut-out so his love handles can flop around in all their glory while he's busy destroying creation. "Oh no," I can hear you saying, "that's just an armor plate, not his stomach!" To which I can only reply, why do you hate America?

But that's not all this paragon of fashion has brought to the table my friends, oh no! Why stop at a Madonna-inspired midriff-baring ensemble when you can add a long, flowing pony tail and ridiculous cloud/stopwatch/what the hell is that?! logo to the mix!

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Because nothing says "I'm a butch macho god" like a long greasy pony-tail and your ginormous bloated stomach hanging out of your shirt. At least that's what I've been assuming in my weekly jaunts to the local grocery store which, now that I mention it, might explain the strange looks and continued police presence I find there. A police presence which, frankly, would have been better off escorting those responsible for "Trinity" and Tzodar's outfit off to jail before they could have published this comic.

(Images from “Trinity”, No. 2, ©1993 DC Comics.)

Random Panel: Generic convention moment

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Caption Contest 22 Winner!

With many heartfelt thanks to the wonderful Johanna of "Comics Worth Reading", our celebrity co-host and judge, we have a winner for Caption Contest 22, and it is ... DJ!

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DJ wins a custom black and white illustration of whatever he or she likes (within reason)! Congratulations, and a hearty thanks to everyone who entered, particularly the judge's runner-ups/Honorable Mentions:

  • The Grizz: For the last time…I AM NOT A POKEMON!
  • Runt82: Man, this Earth-sized treadmill is tough.
  • Frankie: "I've gotta find a new exit for my Megazord."

I've noticed these three on the Honorable Mention a lot, and although The Grizz and Frankie have won in the past, I feel like Runt82 is coming on super strong. So everyone out there be on notice, you're going to have to bring your A game to beat these guys! Luckily Caption Contest 23: Maximum Haberdashery is already going on, so head on over and take a crack at winning your own prize.

Again, thanks to Johanna, who did a great job both picking the image and judging. If you're not currently a reader of "Comics Worth Reading", you should definitely check it out, the team there does a great job.

Caption Contest 23: Maximum Haberdashery!

Haven't you ever wondered what goes through the mind of one of Jack Kirby's characters as they dress up in whatever outlandish outfit Jack designed for them? Well now's your chance to find out! Come up with the best caption for the comic book panel below and, if your entry is selected, you’ll win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason)!

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Be sure to note in your entry which balloon gets what dialog. For instance:

Balloon1: By Odin, the women at church this week will have to admit that my hat is best! And if not ...
Balloon2: I BLAST THEM!!

As always, the rules are simple: Only three entries per person, put your dialog in the comments to this post, and keep it relatively clean (as in, appropriate for a broadcast TV sitcom).

Good luck everyone!

Random Panel: Generic "Keanu Reeves" review

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Mashup 23: In the Keystone Quadrant

By taking one (and only one) panel from each of ten randomly chosen comic books, each week I attempt to put together some sort of entertaining ten-panel story. This week finds us in the middle of an inter-species gun-fight, and I think we can all agree that we don't have nearly enough of those in comic books today.

So without further ado, off we go into space!

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Random Panel: I bet if Darth Vader had stinky socks he'd have gotten away

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New feature: Poll discussion

Each week I spend time thinking up a (hopefully) interesting poll question, and I'm always fascinated to see people vote. But why do they vote the way they do? Why wouldn't you automatically pick Firestorm's powers to help you through a post-nuclear-holocaust world -- the guy can make literally anything he can think of!

So starting this week, each Sunday when I put up the new poll, I'll do so in a post like this one, so people can leave comments if they so please on what they think of the various options, why they chose as they did, etc. So here's the first one:

{democracy:36}

I play poker every week and I've often wondered what super-powers would make for the best gambler. And then I wonder why so few super-heroes ever go to Vegas and actually gamble -- She-Hulk was there in one series I put in the Mashup last week, but she just beat the crap out of stuff. Why not hit the tables, too?! But then, taking the element of chance out of it pretty much ruins the fun, I suppose.

Of course, the actual heroes on the list would never use their powers this way, so that part of it's moot. But that's why the question is not "Which of these characters would you want to see go to Vegas" but rather "YOU have their powers, what would YOU like to be able to do"!

    Flash: Move at super-speed and on one can see you affect the way the dice come up, or where the Roulette ball lands. You're a winner every time, invisibly!
    Longshot: Megariffic luck, say no more.
    Magneto: Why gamble when you can just rip the door off the safe? Seriously, the safest thing to do with Magneto's powers would be to simply maneuver the levers inside the slot machines to pay off.
    Plastic Man: Similarly to Magneto, when inserting coins you could slip your finger into the machine and manually make the slots pay.
    Professor Xavier: It's a lot easier to win at poker or blackjack when you can read your opponent's mind to see what they're holding.
    Superman: X-Ray Vision for the card games. Super-speed for the dice and roulette games. How unfair is it that he's, like, five different super-heroes all at once? I guess that's why he's Big Blue.

That's what I was thinking, but I'd love to hear why you pick the one you pick. And stay out of my poker game!

Random Panel: Fine, we won't judge you for putting a naked cat-woman in a box, then.

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Dark Knight review

Last weekend I was lucky enough to find myself in San Antonio with one of my best buds, Dave, going to not just one but two super-hero movies in the same night ("Dark Knight" and "Hell-Boy II"). Life, my friends, rarely gets better than good friends, good films, and Batman kicking people in the face. Which is exactly what I'm about to do, kicking out my review of "Dark Knight" for the two of you who have yet to see it. Quick summary of the review:

  1. More of a mob film that has silly outfits than a "super-hero movie".
  2. Batman rules, Superman drools (at least at the cinema).
  3. Heath Ledger's Joker: Best. Villain. Ever.
  4. Get off your butt and go see it already! It's now just below "Iron Man" on my "All-Time Great Super-Hero Movies" list.

Full review after the jump.

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