Random writings

This is apropos of nothing, but while looking for a broccoli salad recipe on my hard drive I came across this one-page bit of writing I did at some point and I figured I might as well share it. I’ll hide it after the jump since it has nothing to do with anything else I write about on this blog.

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Boomerangs always come back

Like TV networks or Hollywood studios aping each other’s worst show concepts, DC and Marvel have an unfortunate tendency to swap really bad characters. At some point Marvel was apparently desperate to compete for the massive Australian-weapon-aficionado audience DC had hitherto cornered with Captain Boomerang, because they invented their own ridiculously-attired villain named, cleverly enough, “Boomerang”:

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Yes, like bad fashion, super-powered concepts also have an irritating tendency to come back again, and it’s certainly appropriate in this case given the characters’ names. I didn’t think it was possible to design a more ridiculous costume than Captain Boomerang’s, but Marvel has certainly achieved the unlikely here. How the hell do you run around with two back-to-back slabs of wood (or metal or handwavium or whatever) strapped to your chest? And though it’s not clear in this frontal image, he’s got two more stapled to his back! To illustrate how ridiculous this looks, take a gander at this action triptych from “The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe”:

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If I saw this idiot running down the street towards me, boomerang handles jutting out at odd angles all over the place, I’d laugh myself silly. How does he even sit down without one of his belterangs jamming a hole in his diaphragm?

And if you think I’m out of line in coining the term “belterang”, here are just a few of the weapons listed for the big guy in the Handbook:

  • shatterangs
  • gasarangs
  • razorang
  • screamerang
  • bladerangs

Given all that, I think I’m safe in classifying this costume design a “Wankerang.”

(Images and character ©2006, Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc.)

Random Panel: Good things to know about North Dakota

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Caption Contest 31: Skullaciousness

Your chance to win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason) has arrived once again, provided you’re the one to come up with the best dialog to fill the empty balloon in this panel:

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The rules are simple, and the prize will be provided by professional illustrator Jeff Hebert (that’s me — see here for previous winners’ prizes):

  1. No more than three entries per person;
  2. Keep it clean, appropriate for broadcast TV;
  3. Leave your entry in the comments to this post.

Good luck, everyone! Oh, and let me dispense with the obligatory “Heeeeeeeere’s Johnny!” and “KHAAAAAAAANNNN!!” entries forthwith 🙂

Contest 30 Winner

I am happy to announce that the winner of Caption Contest 30 is … Rick!

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Rick is now a two-time winner, so big props to him for that. His previous prize was Emissary, so I know his new black and white custom illustration will be something cool, too.

Many thanks to everyone for the great entries, particularly these Honorable Mentions:

  • John D: Cry Havoc! Let slip the Poops of War!
  • Fishpants: Quick, get Bananakin Skywalker..it’s the attack of the clowns!
  • Danny Beaty: That’s evolution?
  • jasper: Cry slapstick and let loose the pies of war!
  • Frankie: “Get your stinking paws on him. You damn, dirty apes!”

Check back later today for a new Caption Contest and your chance to win your own custom black and white illustration!

Random Panel: Taking the whole "Where's Waldo" thing a bit too far

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Retroview: Black Dragon

In 1985, Marvel (through their mature-audience “Epic Comics” line) published a six-issue limited series written by Chris Claremont and illustrated by John Bolton titled “The Black Dragon”. A “historic fantasy” set in medieval Europe, it was an unusual offering in a super-hero-crowded market. Claremont himself, of course, was best known as the genius behind the enormously successful “Uncanny X-Men”, and has likely been responsible for more comics sold than any other individual in history.

On his web site, Claremont says that he is “especially proud” of his creator-owned “The Black Dragon”, so when I encountered several issues of it in the Great Random Comics Pile, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at why that might be.

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Random Panel: Believe it, Mustache Boy

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Poll Position: Rogues Gallery

The question of the week this time is:

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Discussion after the jump.

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Random Panel: Apparently pit-webs are quite the turn-on

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(Hat tip to SuperDickery.)