Your chance to win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason) has arrived once again, provided you're the one to come up with the best dialog to fill the empty balloon in this panel:
The rules are simple, and the prize will be provided by professional illustrator Jeff Hebert (that's me -- see here for previous winners' prizes):
- No more than three entries per person;
- Keep it clean, appropriate for broadcast TV;
- Leave your entry in the comments to this post.
Good luck, everyone! Oh, and let me dispense with the obligatory "Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!" and "KHAAAAAAAANNNN!!" entries forthwith 🙂
“You know what happens when you flush your goldfish down the toilet? They come back thirty years later as some horrible, giant, mutated beast. The same thing happens to your sperm.”
I hope that’s not too dirty.
Only the most faithful and devout of our acolytes shall be rewarded with dominion of this puny planet… come forth, Mr. Tom Cruise!
Uncle sperm wants YOU!
Who needs eyes when you’ve got a great bod!
“Tell me, where can I find this Jack the beanstalk killer. I’m gonna murderize him.”
“Just a gigolo, everywhere I go, people stop and talk about me; I-iiii ain’t got no body…”
1. I’m John McCain, and I approved this message, my friends.
2. Shouldn’ta eaten that last taco, bub.
3. Remember, kids! Toothy McDevilface says to floss regularly!
1. “Oh boy, oh boy I finally get to play Gordi!
2. “More Botox!!!”
3. “Do I have any virgin stuck in my teeth?”
“You’ve heard of tunnel-vision, right? Well, this is portcullis-vision!”
Judge Living Snot is the name!
You were expecting something else when he said pull my finger?
Ghost bust this big boy
1. Hi! I’m one of Clive Barker’s sperm!
2. I’m living proof that Cenobites masturbate!
3. Think this is bad; you should see the other end!
Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman (woo), they are the eggmen (woo), I am the walrus,
Coo coo, kachoo.
Dirty mouth? Clean it with new Orbit Breath of Death chewing gum.
An alternative to the above entry would be –
“I am the walrus, MoFo, WOOO!”
and third…
Hi kids, when conquering other dimensions its best to first subvert and destabilise the political and social structure of your target. Our favourite tactic is to assist the rise of corrupt and stupid leadership in a society.
Vote McCain/Palin in November.
Come back! Come back! I’ll bite you to death!
1.Let’s put a smile on that face
2.hey kids it’s smile time!
3.It’ not easy being green
“Mentos! The fresh maker!”
“That 4th dentist was wrong..Trident really does work!”
“CHEEEEEEEEEESE!
I may be just another hideously ugly, monstrous blob, but as you can see I have a perfect smile thanks to the dental referral system of 1800dentist!!!
1. Does this eye-grate make me look fat?
2. I’m Jared and I lost 435 pounds eating at Subway!
3. Of course I don’t floss regularly, I don’t have any stinkin’ hands!
So, you don’t like broccoli Jeff? Well that’s what your gonna eat for all eternity. Mwah ha-ha-ha!
1. “My name is Kirstie Alley and I lost 975 pounds on Jenny Craig!”
2.” Hello My Baby, Hello my honey, Hello ,y ragtime gaaaal!”
3. (in a Daffy Duck voice “You’re Despicable!!!”
What did you expect from a blind date?
(2) I may be your worst nightmare, but I’m a dentist’s dream.
These spikes be all up in my grill!
Hey, are you gonna eat that?
Thanks for the lift, not everyone in North Dakota’s gunna pick up a hitchhiker wearin’ a bucket on his head.
Hello, I’m Chomper, Evil brother of the Lovable Slimer! Look for me in the up coming Ghostbusters III !!!
1. Now it’s time to take over the world!
2. How’s my hair?
3. Watch the pounds melt away with Nutrisystem.
1. Trick or Treat,
Smell my Feet,
Give me Something Good to Eat,
If You Don’t, I Don’t Care,
I’ll JUST DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!
2. I CANT SEE WITH THIS THING ON!!
(little giants reference….anybody…anybody?)
3. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice….haha, always wanted to say that!
(and for the record I usually use the KHAAAN! comment, so thanks for ruining my day Jeff)
Happy to help, Cory!
1. Im Tom Cruise, and i have been diagnosed with type 2 Herpes
2.Who needs a hot bod when ive got a KILLER smile!!?
3.Remeber kids, this is what happens to you when u dont wash ur face!
1. THIS is you on crack!
2. Excuse me, do I have something in my teeth? No, closer. Closer…
3. Dirty mouth? Clean it up with new Orbit White!
“Hell-o? I’m a living skull attached to a disturbingly fleshy tendril, and all you can comment on is my ‘fro?”
Imagining this… thing as a chatterbox is fun:
“And then she was like ‘woah’ and I was like ‘yeah’. That was awesome. And do you remember when…”
Or:
“Colgate Rad – guaranteed 100% clean, 100% white teeth. [tiny font] side effects include spontaneous mutation, skin cancer, desire to wear impractical headgear, death, photosynthesis…[/tiny font]”
1) No Body to hurt, Dredd!
2) Thank you Mr. Laser-Zap-Your-Vision. Vision impaired, I’d say.
3) I’m not a facehugger – just their uncle.
1) You can’t KILL – what is already DEEEAAAAD!!!
2) Fat boy, when I gits through witcha, yer only gonna serve EIGHT ta TWELVE!
3) I just need to make a PHONE CALL!!
1-the Bule sky will gloom up! Just put on a creepy face!
2-I’m now…Fully Headless Nick!
1. The Black Sperm always triumphs!
2. Hi, I’m Ted. I’m looking for another fungus who’s into steampunk and interested in a long-term commitment, maybe one day releasing some spores together.
3. Sure baby, I’m the smoke-monster thing from Lost…you wanna go for a ride in my Prius?
FLAVOR FLAV!!!!
(yeah boy)
1. (And now a moment in the life of Lil’ Jon) What? What? What? WHAT? Yeeaahh! OOOOKKKK!
2. Hi I’m agent Skull-y. I’m with the FBI. Have you seen anything out of the ordinary today?
3. Hello I am Jose Jalapeno, but no longer am I on de steek!
I also wanted to do a Michel Phelps line or a Show me the money, but oh well.
Who do you think you are, getting all up in my grill?
(Final entry…)
TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad?
I’m . . . TOOTHY!
(Sorry, I got nothin’ 🙂 )