Herr D's CFLs

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    Herr D

    [hrmmm–my naivete resurfaced. But you did choose an alias with a realistic spelling. Maybe that was the point?]
    Thank you! Always pleased to alter autonomic rhythms. http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-smileys/sf-laugh.gif

    One thing a lot of people will not realize on seeing that last one is the perspective problem. Having a reflective disk for an eye / head means a few things thematically. The reflected word is backwards, as it should be, because he is forward-thinking with his goal of tech updates. The word is NOT upside-down because of his skewed perspective–he up-ends or dumps peoples’ work because his view of the world IS upside-down. It probably came off as an error.

    I think this next will catch me up. Like the complaint-rock sites that won’t post whines before their time, I have a couple more for later. But this one is probably OVERDUE. Once upon a time, when I began to become aware politically, I almost made a rather goofy mistake. I almost swore never to vote for someone who slung mud during a campaign.

    In my defense, it would have saved A LOT OF GAS AND TIME. Decades might have passed between votes. Anyway, I noticed there are so few non-partisan political cartoons, that I saw the opportunity to make one for the Chimera pop quiz. And then I blew it–it’s not non-partisan, it’s ANTI-partisan. Oh, well. Inspired partly by the Pushmepullyou from Dr. Doolittle, the eroding patience of my elders, an elephant at the Maryland Renaissance Festival and my co-rider Maria, a former tutee from the FOP, my sense of civic responsibility, stories I heard of what not to do from the circus of Jones & Jones & Jones, the Washington DC Zoo, and a vague memory of a hybrid creature from the old series Bloom County.



    Herr D

    I’m actually missing the fun and the extra income I used to have from Halloween preparation. Time and circumstances squeeze hard sometimes. This is my pop quiz mask entry. The ‘It’s Just A Birthmark’ Mask.

    Viewer discretion advised. Cousin Willard looks better than this.


    I remember an old rubber mask with fake boils and warts that could bend to fit any face. It was old enough that all the paint was gone, but it kept it’s shape and it’s base red rubber color. I haven’t seen such a high quality mask sold outside the industry–ever. I’ve no idea how my dad got it, and he told me he didn’t remember.



    Herr D

    woohoo! I’ve long wanted to do something like this, and I’m finally done!

    Fall foliage, forest, and even a rainbow–truly a KODIAK moment! So–you want to see something REALLY scary in an outdoor scene?


    I suddenly feel hungry. I’m gonna go eat.


    Herr D

    It’s sometimes hard to remember not to feel bad that I can’t do everything. Then I remember that a dragon couldn’t possibly enjoy ice cream. He’d need a titanium-tungsten-carbide-no-I’m-not-a-metallurgist alloy straw. And he’d still miss out on the texture.


    This was also my chance to design the first-ever asbestos hanky.


    Herr D

    I blinked and missed ‘Blink.’


    I figure ‘B’ was just a random thing on his boxers, like a defunct brand’s logo. He was watching a jai alai match, saw a guy draw a gun, threw off his clothes, stole some sports equipment, dashed out to the right spot, turned the bullet back to the gunman, sticking his hand out to prevent having his face seen, and ran out of the building.
    In three seconds.
    And the news media went wild over his ‘shot.’



    All of this is pure gold!


    Herr D

    Thank you, Weilyn. Curious to know your favorite.

    Beware of the hobbyist, people. One being’s fun can be another person’s massacre. Look out for Grampa Jack and his kin.


    That’s the improved version that might not make it into the J-O-L contest. Here’s the earlier one for all those of you who like to see process stages.


    Who knows the following quote? “Happy Halloween ladies! Luhluhluhluhluh. Luhluhluhluh.”



    @Herr D said:

    Thank you, Weilyn. Curious to know your favorite.

    Probably the one with the dragon and the ice cream truck Wink


    Herr D

    And now I shall begin to address the challenge I have been given directly.

    THE TALE OF THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Intro. [singsong voice, please]

    Deep in the Humble, Achy Wood
    where crystal Draconis play, http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/The%20Very%20Crosse%20Knight/HumbleAchyWood.png
    You’ll find such strange stories
    As this one
    From the court of Ninny Naboo.
    Ninny Naboo, Ninny Naboo–
    He’s the king regent at EIGHT years old.
    He’s Ninny Naboo, Ninny Naboo.
    Passed laws against catching a cooooold!


    Herr D

    THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter I: The Quest [bass voice, narrator inflections]

    King Regent Ninny Naboo was informed one day at court that the Crystal Draconis had ceased playing and were hiding in the Humble Achy Wood. He called for a Royal Forester to inquire and was promptly told that the Humble Achy Trees believed that the former frolicing fell off for fear of a ferocious foe. It did, of course, take the Royal Forester six attempts just to say that.
    Ninny Naboo’d never known any news nearly so funny. Presumably his difficulties relating the information to the royal family stemmed from his amusement. His father the King pointed out Ninny’s royal responsibilities in the matter, and quite spoiled the merriment in general for the purposes of furthering Ninny’s royal education.
    Ninny therefore selected three of his unusually-sighted knights to go upon a quest. A quest to find the ferocious foe and deal with it properly. Obviously he could not send knights with normal vision, as no one had actually SEEN anything unusual at all. Thus, the three knights Ninny named went willingly westward, severally searching such fearsome ferocious foes. The Royal Crier, expecting the worst, thought to read that particular proclamation very slowly.


    Herr D

    THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter II: The Champion

    The three knights journeyed past the talking, moving section of forest, past the moaning, swaying section of forest, and past most of the stoic, still section of forest. Suddenly they heard a ‘thunk.’
    There were no thunking beasts in the country at that time, and so they searched for the source of said ‘thunk’ for half an hour. Just as they agreed to give up, they heard what sounded like a loud irritated sigh, a clanking sound, a lot of rustling, and another ‘thunk.’
    Now a lot of creatures sigh and rustle, but none were known among the three knights to clank or thunk–so they began searching yet again. They searched for an hour. Just as they agreed to give up, they heard what sounded like a loud irritated sigh, a clanking sound, a lot of rustling, and another ‘thunk.’
    Truly this was a strange occurrence. They began searching again, to hear a peculiar, tinny voice shrill out “WRONG WAY!” It sounded like it had been screamed through a shield. They turned about to search in the other direction, and quickly found a strange shield.
    Being knights of an illustrious order, they did not touch the shield, but made note of scratches in the dirt and other signs which led to a bridge over a stream. At the end of the bridge, wreathed in a mist rising from the stream and smoke from a nearby campfire and partially concealed by a curtain hanging from an archway, was the shadowy figure of a man.
    “Halloo!” cried the shadowy figure, “Pay ALL your attention to the man behind the curtain! I am the champion of your quest, the captain of your fate, and the master of your destiny!”


    Herr D

    THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter III: The Protocol

    The three knights huddled for a moment, considering these strange events. The largest of them spoke first.
    “How say you that you are the champion of our quest?” He called out. “I see mischief afoot. Let us insist on protocols.” He said quietly to the others.
    “I am prepared to prove it, since you have passed the test.”
    “Test?!” The three knights were astounded, speaking almost as one, “What test?”
    “You have found my shield, and reached this bridge unharmed. Only knights could do such a thing. As you are three knights, and not traveling with a strongbox or even provisions, you must be on a quest! You are so lucky today, it’s inconceivable.”
    “How so?” called the youngest. “I cannot see him at all!” he said quietly to the others, “Just some armor around a shadow! Is he perhaps a malevolent spirit?”
    “I am here waiting to champion a quest–and here you have found me!” called back the figure in shadow.
    Quietly, the knight with the blue visor said, “He is very much alive.” Then he called out. “You may have tested US good sir, but we have yet to test YOU. To be the champion of this quest, you would have to be deemed so by our liege.”
    “Nabooian law,” the figure in shadow called back, “Does wisely allow for exceptions.”
    “Ridiculous!” called back the largest knight, “You would have to defeat each of us in combat! And with us dead, you would be champion of NO ONE!”
    “Ah HA! But if I could beat NOT EACH of you, but ALL of you at once, WITHOUT killing you, then I would be champion of your quest.”
    The youngest knight blurted out, “Now THAT would be inconceivable.”
    The knight with the blue visor smacked the back of the youngest knight’s helmet. “He conceived it.” Then he bellowed out, “ARE YOU CHALLENGING THREE KNIGHTS TO A FIGHT?”
    “If but ONE of you,” the figure said, “reaches this side of the bridge without being wetted by water of this stream, then I yield to thee! But as I will cause you ALL to be wetted and yet unharmed before you can reach me, I CHALLENGE YOU ALL AT ONCE!”
    The largest knight said, “We’re not idiots, you know. You can’t be cutting down this bridge as we run across it.”
    The largest knight said, “He speaks the truth.”
    The largest knight blinked and said, “He speaks the truth. CHARGE!” Lifting his claymoor above his head, he led the charge to cross the bridge. –All three of them had wet faces by their fifth step. They all stopped, stunned. How had this happened? The figure had not seemed to move.
    “GOTCHA.” said the figure in shadow. “Return to the other side and I will join you for an enclave of the utmost importance.”


    Herr D

    THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter IV: Enclave, Conclave

    The three Nabooian knights returned to their side of the bridge, stunned. A moment later, a man, very strangely dressed for a knight, emerged from behind the curtain, crossed to their side, and led them wordlessly back to the strange shield in the woods.
    the youngest knight ran across the bridge for a peek at what lay there. He came back in the middle of the following explanation.
    The knight with the blue visor had asked the man ‘didn’t he mean conclave instead of enclave.’ The man said:
    “Technically I mean both. Since I have proven by trial by combat that I am champion of your quest, we are now a group representing my country as well. I do not belong here except for this business, and so we are in an enclave conclave. Any questions?”
    “Yes. What is a super soaker?” asked the youngest knight.
    “It is a sort of catapult that fires only water. As you can see, I had no other weapons with me. Not even my shield.” With that, the man stood by his shield, drew from behind it a pouch of metal objects and a staff.
    The largest knight returned his claymoor to his back and pointed to a note scratched in the dirt. “What is a ‘buck-and-a-quarter,’ and who is ‘DD?’
    The man frowned. “The note is something called a loan declaration. A buck is a monetary unit and part of the value of this staff. ‘DD’ is who loaned it to me.” He attached the pouch to his side. “Further, it is not so much a staff as it is a symbol of being underrated. This pouch contains the truest weapons I carry.”
    The knight with the blue visor asked, “What are they?”
    The man smiled. “They are Surewecans. I will be able to attack all things that think little of us.”
    “Who are you and why isn’t your cross one color?” asked the youngest knight.
    “I am Sir Herr D, Knight of the Third Choice, The Very Crosse Knight. My cross is more than one color because I serve good in all forms, regardless of distinctions between them. Countries, churches, people, things that are not really people–if they are on the side of good, they are on my side.”
    “What does your shield mean?” asked the knight with the blue visor.
    “By hammer, blade, and brush, with word, note, and act–I create. It is a sort of motto. Why don’t you all introduce yourselves to me?”


    Herr D

    THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter V: Knight After Knight

    “Awlrigh’ awlrigh,’ I’ll go first,” said the largest knight, “My name is Sir Schultz. I have unusual sight. I have trouble seeing anything but evil. The evil things, the evil intent–the evil thoughts even. Bright ugly red like blood from a gushing nose or scalp. It hurts me to see well. But I’m a knight, so I kill evil. My motto is ‘I see NOTHING!’ My goal, you know.”
    “I’ll go next,” said the knight with the blue visor, “My name is Sir Emnoonbrashone. I also have unusual sight. I don’t have trouble seeing objects, weapons, plants. But I see dead people.”
    “That leaves me,” said the youngest knight. “The only thing I cannot see is clothes. My name is Sir Glancelot.”
    “That must be incredibly distracting at times,” said the champion.
    “It IS!” said Sir Glancelot,”There’s this one particular woman with–“
    “Are you speaking of unrequited love?” snapped the champion.
    “Well, don’t. I don’t want to be depressed. Let’s be off on our quest.”



    All of this is amazing, I wish I had that much creative talent

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