June 21, 2015 at 6:31 pm #125779
Have you ever seen crystallized bismuth? Ever wonder whose droppings those are?
That nacreous knacker, the Bismuth Beastie! “There’s no bismuth like show bismuth!”–Groening
Originally intended for the ‘colour me bad’ contest, I once again mixed up ‘a.m.’ and ‘p.m.’ and missed the contest.June 22, 2015 at 4:35 pm #125794
The new sheriff had his work cut out for him. Why had all those big guns killed each other at the O.K. Coral Reef? Why did the Madam at the Catfish House seem so wary of him? Everybody knows hammerheads make the kindest sheriffs . . .
*Combined Western, noir, fantasy for the 2GT’s contest.
Sometimes criticism is a BAD IDEA.
Whiskeysaur: Drink responsibly, so as not to go extinct. Only for archaeologists over 21.
Uh, imagine a guy referred to here as JUNIOR. Yeah, that’s it. He won a test drive in the brand new Alpha model sportscar in the 100th Character-Driven Contest, and my favorite pastry chef brought him a cake. Lucky dude, right?
*July 19, 2015 at 7:21 pm #126768
Another catch-up page: 5 or so pix coming to this post.
“I knew Grampa wasn’t coming to Father’s Day Sunday ’cause he’uz in heaven. Then Daddy put a white rose on instead of a red one, just like Grampa used to wear. I asked him what it meant in big church before the offering, and he just whispered, “It means it’s MY turn.” Grownups are so weird . . .
Rough draft of a new flag for Mississippi, requested as snap work by Hairy.
“How Joe From Red Bird Services Got Fired” or, alternate title, “Watch That Button, Joe!”
“You Boys OK?”
“Empty Corner Of The Treasure Room”
*ybbJuly 26, 2015 at 6:29 pm #126992
“Tightrope Juggler” Shown here without tightrope.
Gem-‘X’ costume on mannequin. No one knows who was using the secret room off the subway for a planning and staging area. Blueprints and various planning materials were discovered, but an electostatic system prevented hair and fiber evidence and all materials were successfully fingerprint resistant. The investigation continues.
Hairy genetic variant oflittle-known species.
Standard genome. The individuals actually manufacture bait for their primary prey in the form of aromatic earwax. Their olfactory organs collect a secretion necessary to dissolving their prey’s outer shell. So, it’s GOOD manners in their society to pick their noses and ears thoroughly at communal meals to assist the elderly and very young.August 2, 2015 at 11:40 am #127134
The Kung Fu Diva was dressed for the “Si To Sea” Parade when the water balloon fight from the rec area spilled into her apartment. Her efforts to protect her t.v. were so entertaining that the participants stopped throwing at each other and threw at her instead. When they ran out of balloons, they applauded her, saving themselves from a humiliating and painful beating. Ego IS a well-known weakness of hers . . .
“Just Chillin’ ”
“I Showed Gramps My Artwork,” and he won’t come out or put away his rifle. I did recover his teeth . . .
*One Slot blog contest–Bkgr/Shapes
I’m possibly going to miss Hairy’s new episode because I’m going on a ‘retreat.’ I’m hoping you all feel properly surreal when I return. Plan is to leave around the twelfth. Looks like I’ll be even further behind soon.
August 23, 2015 at 12:19 pm #128119
- This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Herr D.
So, I got back about the 21rst, and am now struggling with various job-switch issues. This piece just struck me as a great interview/audition. ‘Bob’ can control hive minds, design low-radiation flat screen x-ray devices, and doesn’t require a clothing allowance. He DOES get migraines in his chest area and headaches require a checkup by a cardiologist . . .
. . . not to mention, his feedings are fresh blood, type B negative . . .
*”Mutant Job Interview” for ‘mental’ blog contest
Background for Skeleton Orchid, pop quiz entry:
“Skeleton Orchid VS The Feline Invaders”
*pop(rnd)September 27, 2015 at 6:53 am #129201
Here we have a rare glimpse of the Horn-Crested Rattler. Naturally they tend to stay just inside the volcanic vents they call home as they have no protective coloration or outright defense against predators. This particular specimen is recuperating from a mad crawl out of the minor landslide that destroyed its vent just moments ago. Their tendency to clean the sulfurous air and hydrogenate it draws in the Clawed Strawbeaks, who happen to be stone deaf. The result is phonically interesting. The percussive stalking of the Clawed Strawbeaks gets ever louder as they echo into the Horn-Crested Rattlers’ vents. The modulation of the sounds coming through the horns varies with the anticipation of a fresh meal. The modulations and syncopy of the horn sounds loudest as the claws crescendo in the final struggle. Then the rattling sounds out the tattoo of satisfaction as digestion begins.
Horribly rushed version of the yellow submarine.
This guy won the sponsorship for Jack’s Shellac his beard makes perfect tone. But he plays badly . . .
October 16, 2015 at 5:56 pm #129648
- This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Herr D.
Meet Tom–well, don’t wake him–he’s had a hard day flying babies to Children’s Hospital, flood victims off rooftops, and pileup victims over traffic-congested roads. Sometimes there’s just not enough caffeine in the whole world, right?
“What took you so long?”
“That last kid was HEAVY, Chief!”
I was gonna enter this in “Earth” but realized that my ‘face away’ ‘ordinary workaday’ heroes belong in something else much more. At some point I’ll finish ‘water’ and make it happen.
. . . and now, for a bit of history.
THE ACCIDENTAL HERBALIST by Herr D
Various unverified sources describe an unnamed conquistador that apparently didn’t slaughter Native Americans or necessarily do them any major harm at all. He also may have enabled several million modern lives to be saved and helped invent a dessert.
Ponce De Leon was looking for the Fountain Of Youth for his monarch. Out in the Everglades, the local Native Americans told his men, very helpfully, not to eat a certain plant. “Don’t eat that—you’ll die,” they told them. One of the men got lost. Well, he was a sailor and a soldier, not a forester or a hunter. He couldn’t find enough animals to eat that he could actually GET. He saw a lot of the poisonous plant and tried other ones. All of them seemed to make him horribly sick. He thought about his options.
He was alone and would probably die alone in the longest, most awful ways imaginable. Starvation takes about a month of racking abdominal pain, headaches, and other horrible symptoms. Or—he made himself a big hot meal of the poisonous root and ate it.
I’m sure anyone can imagine what he thought next. “I didn’t die? I DIDN’T DIE!”
No one had ever thought of cooking a poisonous plant before. No one had ever considered that cooking a poison might make it safe to eat.
So he did it again . . .
He staggered out of the jungle a couple of months later to find people again and tell his story. He was very sick but very alive. That was the invention of tapioca. Why was he so sick so much? Many of the thirty varieties of ipecac also grow in the Everglades. Understanding the way ipecac causes one to vomit up a poison before it kills has been very important to the treatment of poison victims.
So yes, one conquistador saved millions of lives and invented a dessert eaten by millions by going off to bungle through the jungle while barfing his guts out. A questionable honor, but an honor nonetheless.
November 9, 2015 at 2:44 pm #131037
She isn’t just some hot pollinating partner for all varieties of broadcast flora to dream about. She’s a fully accredited Ethologist and Anchor!
For those of you unfamiliar with flora-fauna mixture species, Ethology is the study of social and feeding movements of fauna. Because plants don’t mind weather, right?
Joe stopped eating bread after last year’s grain harvest. He quit his hired hand position and drank himself into oblivion. He never said why . . .
*DATNovember 15, 2015 at 4:15 pm #131183
Few would attempt a robbery in full public view. Fewer still would wear red during such a bold move. Only ONE villain would ever make the loot into a band and have it play “The Valleydale Parade” jingle at full blast halfway down the outside of the building and halfway down the street leading it as their majorette . . .
Sometimes it’s rough having an imagination.
December 13, 2015 at 3:53 pm #131952
- This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Herr D.
Pop quizzes update page?
The “Counting Company” premiered their new wine, “Four,” with a new logo and a hot air balloon christening. The hot air balloon looked like a wineskin in cloud white.
An unfortunate nickname resulted. The “Four Skin” was a marketing debacle that wasn’t a complete disaster. Just their clientele, uh, temporarily changed.
Van der Waals Units became the best way to deal with asteroid belts somewhere in the Population Explosion of 45,970. “Planets?” said the asteroid miners, “Who needs ’em?”
*spaceship designDecember 13, 2015 at 4:22 pm #131957
. . . and we turn to the macabre again.
The Goth Egg, or Alternate Dimensional Earth’s Faberge Item # 05659-Yorick, was sold exclusively at the New Yorick salon. It had a silver etched cemetery background on its interior compartment, 15k gold construction, inlaid ruby scorpions, inlaid sapphire spider-tear trail, white gold detailing, and some units had the infamous jade skull finishing touches. The unit was not sold with the handle spikes for liability reasons. For the Goth who has everything but still feels empty.
I ran out of time due to a confluence of several unfortunate events. This picture suffered, but our water main is repaired, my phone is replaced, I’m still employed, our squidlings are fine, and Sunni D’s injuries and unrelated surgery next week are expected to heal just fine. . . . let’s talk about something else . . .
Miss Havisham was one of those people that dwelled on things that went wrong. One heartbreak and she went to pieces by trying to preserve the wedding feast and wedding rags she wore ad nauseam. It seemed wrong to NOT enter this incomplete piece, considering that I’m one of her opposites and I “just keep swimming.”
*DickensDecember 17, 2015 at 6:22 pm #132415January 12, 2016 at 2:24 pm #133085
Twilby is entering his first candy cane contest today. No one’s told him yet about his little, um, misunderstanding.
“Flight Of The Naysayer” –I’ve been wanting to explore these sorts of concepts a bit more, and the greyscale contest on the blog seemed a perfect opportunity.
I’d be interested to know how many people get which parts of what I meant.
January 22, 2016 at 1:55 pm #133261
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Herr D.
Though I wish I had more time for this piece too, I’ve got to call it quits.
Colonists ran into a surprise when they went to drill for water on a certain planet. The surface just wouldn’t remain stable enough to drill, except where the indigenous life walked. It turned out that, like many aboriginal species, the local quadrupeds had developed a good instinct and sensory awareness of their surroundings. Since the one species, dubbed “Giant Spike Sloths,” tended to crush the well equipment with their massive paws, they made a quick study and revamped their strategy. Now the colonists drill the flanks of the male quadrupeds to get their water, process it, and fly it to central living quarters on the females. Shown here is Water Reclamation Station E34 in two shots: a bubble lens on approach from a water flyer and a panoramic view of GSS-E34. The computer program that levels the tension grid holding up the station and their tenants is actually quite simple. Each step of GSS-E34 takes about six hours.
Inspired by the Bloch masterpiece, “Men Are Different.”
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Herr D.
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