This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a Denton.

In our last episode, our post-Apocalyptic road warrior took shelter behind his massive V-8 (the car, not the drink, because that would not be very effective, now would it?) and was deciding whether to leap behind the wheel or dash into the store to join Long Jake and his damsel in distress. I don't know yet whether Long Jake is in a dress, though that would be a nice bit of symmetry.

Focus, people! We chose to run for our friends in the store, resulting in:

I actually use a printed-out and cut-to-size Random Number Chart from the rule book for this. I'm kickin' it old school. Thus I closed my eyes, twirled the chart, plunged my pen down and got ... an 8! A bona-fide non-sucky result. Added to our massive Stealth score of 2, that gives us a total of 10. Apparently we were able to hold the jingle bells on our harness silent for a few critical seconds. Meaning:

Geez, they want me to add three numbers together, then roll and add a fourth one to that?! What am I, Pythagoras? We're on vacation here in the U.S., folks, and no one told me I'd need a graphing calculator! Luckily for you all, I am feeling both magnanimous and numerate, so I calculated that in fact our combined roll exceeded 9, thus giving us a +2 to our roll. Which turned out to be a 10, so we didn't need the extra boost, nyah! Maybe I ought to go buy some lottery tickets ....

SUCK ON THAT, GIBSON! Ahem. You have to admit, so far we've been pretty bad-ass for a guy with a pencil neck and a weak heart.

And now, we bring you many many paragraphs of text. First we had to do math, and now we have to read. Speed it up, Shakespeare, and get us to a place where can we shoot something again! For those of you with far more important things to do (hello Google Image search for cosplay bunnies!), I'll summarize at the end.

So the woman Long Jake died to rescue turns out to have been the girlfriend of the most powerful bandit in the region, whose brother we shot in the face in a most bad-ass way, meaning the aforementioned brother and lover will pursue us to the very gates of hell, where Ricardo Montalban in a chestless shirt will spit at thee. Or something. So we packed up our family and moved to Beverly, after setting fire to our former hillbilly camp.

Now we're looking at Denton -- because when I think "high adventure", Denton, Texas is top of the list, believe me -- and deciding if we ought to mosey on in even though it appears occupied (presumably by bad guys), or pass it by.

So for this Thanksgiving, I am thankful we have a) high-powered binoculars and b) the eye of a sharpshooter! Now, decide what we do next:

[polldaddy poll="5693488"]

On the one hand, we might be able to gear up and/or find some other cool adventure stuff there. I mean, they do have a Wal-Mart, after all. On the other hand, if there are bad guys there, the odds are pretty good we will get shot. YOU ... MAKE ... THE CALL!

20 Responses to This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a Denton.

  1. Dan says:

    Good call on the binoculars everyone!! I’m voting we go investigate, because as Jeff said we might be able to get some supplies. Our last attempt didn’t go so well, and we are running out of ammo.

  2. X-stacy says:

    I have questions.

    Why didn’t Long Jake have the guns, or at least some ammo, gathered up for a hurried getaway in preparation for our arrival? You know, what with knowing there was an ambush and all.

    Why is Mad Dog Michigan’s gang called the Lions? Why not the Pack? Or the Frogs?

    Why do we set an entire ranch ablaze when we could just destroy the supplies? Are there not enough destroyed buildings in this particular post-apocalyptic wasteland?

    So many questions. But most importantly, where do we go if we avoid Denton?

  3. Jeff Hebert says:

    I assume they’re the Lions because of the NFL team in Detroit? That’s a bit of a stretch, but all I can figure.

    As to where we go next, I hope it’s Six Flags Over Texas! Which we can then burn to the ground when we leave, because that’s apparently how they do things after the Apocalypse.

  4. Jeff Hebert says:

    Just to confirm, Dan, we are indeed down to two rounds for our rifle. On the plus side, two bullets = two dead guys, so that’s kind of cool.

  5. John says:

    Dude, that’s how we roll in the badlands of Hurst-Euless-Bedford!

  6. McKnight57 says:

    I say go into Denton. Save the ammo for when you really need it. Use the stone walls and echoes to your advantage and disorient anyone who’ inside. Also with an old place like this there are likely places where the rocks are giving way and we can use those rocks as weapons and knockout the guards. As with the shop last time, there will be guards with guns that we can “borrow.”

  7. Myro says:

    Ummmm…..question. Isn’t today Tuesday? Just checking.

    I guess we should go on an ammo run to Denton. Maybe kill some people along the way (although with only 2 cartridges left, there’s only so much killing we might be capable of).

    For some reason, Mad Dog Michigan’s plan to take over the country seems overly ambitious to me.

  8. Jeff Hebert says:

    ::face palm:: In my defense, Tuesday and Thursday both start with a “T”.

    Sorry, that was dumb. Poll on Thursday, I suppose!

  9. McKnight57 says:

    Myro (7): You have to realize that in a post-apocalyptic world like this, taking over the country (with the population in question) falls somewhere between taking over Rhode Island and Alaska. In that way, it’s completely do-able. I mean, if Sarah Palin got elected, pretty much anyone short of Corky from Life As We Know It would be able to. The geography isn’t a problem, especially if radio towers are still working somewhat. Just broadcast a signal on the appropriate channel and you’re golden.

  10. Gero says:

    @Myro7 & McKnight9: As a fan of the Fallout games and The Stand, I’d say taking over a post-apocalyptic U.S. probably wouldn’t be that hard, as long as you had the right people and resources with you. Like McKnight said, there’s a lot less people around, and (hopefully) an abundance of pre-disaster equipment for you to use…

    As for the story, I say we go investigate Denton before jumping the gun and telling our guys to stay away. Who knows, maybe the town’s actually friendly…

  11. Myro says:

    McKnight (9), Gero (10): It’s not that I think that the idea of taking over any one place seems difficult in that society: about 4-5 guys with guns should be all you need to take over an average settlement. The problem might be a case of spreading oneself too thin. That’s a lot of territory to cover.

  12. TOOL says:

    We have to keep moving forward so I say sneak in for a closer look. I don’t feel good about leaving long jake, at some point I may try and head back to bury the body properly.

  13. Dan says:

    @Myro, I figured that our Fearless Leader just bumped the game to today b/c Thursday is Thanksgiving here in the States. Maybe Mrs. Jeff has plans for him all day. 😉

  14. Myro says:

    Dan (13): Oh, I already know about Thanksgiving, I have to keep that one in mind when it comes to my various football pools. I just thought that if Jeff was shifting the schedule around this week to accomodate for that, he would have also mentioned it near the beginning (or frankly, at all) in the post.
    That he missed saying anything, ad given that Jeff was asking fir some versus-style poll position matches on Facebook (with many suggestions recommended) last week caused me to raise an eyebrow.

  15. spidercow2010 says:

    Well, we see evidence of one motorcycle in an otherwise-silent town. As bad-ass as we seem to be, it might be worthwhile for the possible rearmament. On the other hand, our assignment was to see if the town is empty, and it’s not. But this is apparently the best way to the freeway. But…hellwiddit. We don’t play by the rules. Denton, we’re comin’ in.

  16. McKnight57 says:

    Myro (14): Read EMPIRE by Mark Waid. One dude does it in the span of like 5 years. I mean, yeah, he was focusing on the world at large, but it’s entirely possible to do without spreading yourself too thin. Just create the fear base and a decent dose of propaganda and you’re golden. Again, assuming the whole world is in this post-apocalyptic shit storm as well, there’ll be really no trouble. All you need is a few dozen “trusted” people in prime locations across the globe and you’re in like Flint.

  17. Jeff Hebert says:

    I wish I had some kind of good excuse like that, Myro, but alas, I’m just an idiot with an alliteration problem.

  18. X-stacy says:

    Okay, yeah, the NFL Lions thing makes sense. Let’s hope they share a similar level of competence…wait, Detroit isn’t sucking this year, are they?

  19. Worf says:

    I have a bad feeling about entering Denton, so I’m voting to skip it. We should join the convoy and leave it alone. Feels like an ambush.

  20. X-stacy says:

    I just noticed that the page to enter Denton is 298 whether you’re going in blind or whether you saw the exhaust through your binoculars. So…we’re going to approach town exactly the same way as if we had no idea there was a threat at all? I’m sure that won’t get us killed. At least it finally made up my mind: skip Denton.