Poll Position: Honey Don’ts

A day late, but here you go:


Discussion after the jump. Just don't tell your significant other.

Loving a super-hero would be hard no matter what, but I think certain powers in a beloved one would be harder to deal with than others. So which would you most NOT want him or her to have?

  • Invisibility: You'd better not ever cheat. And you'd better not ever pick your nose.
  • Lasso of truth: You'd better not ever cheat. And you'd better genuinely be in love with her. And not think she looks fat in those jeans. What human relationship can survive without at least a LITTLE space to lie in?
  • Sonic scream: Eventually she's going to get pissed at you. And when she does, she's going to scream. No matter what, that screaming is going to fry your nerves, but it'd be much worse if it actually, you know, fried your nerves.
  • Super strength: All I'm saying is, you better not be a great lover, or else in the throws of passion you might end up as TWO great lovers split in twain.
  • Telepathy: You'd better not ever cheat. Or lie. Or react in anger. Or, really, have any male thoughts at all, because let's face it, the male mind is not a pretty sight for anyone, much less your woman.

None of those are particularly palatable choices. With a lasso of truth, you can still get away with stuff by artful arrangement of your sentences, but there's no wiggle room with telepathy. Plus there are some things I think that gross ME out, I can't imagine my wife would ever look at me the same way if she had unfiltered access 24/7.

On the other hand, if you are honest and loving, telepathy would be a great way to have unbelievable empathy and connection with her.

The scream and the strength, you'd basically just have to trust her to take care of you, which a loving person would do. On the other hand, at some point in every relationship you get made enough to want to lash out at the other person ... let's face it, a man can drive anyone crazy some time.

So I'd probably go with Invisibility as the power that would be most desirable to have her have. And at the bottom I'd put telepathy after all, because I'm not a good enough person to have someone else see all my thoughts and still love me. I sometimes don't even like myself, I can't imagine someone else knowing me that deeply and still loving me too.

What about you? Which power do you not want your significant other to have?

15 Responses to Poll Position: Honey Don’ts

  1. Rendu says:

    The big difference between Lasso of Truth and Telepathy? You KNOW when you’re in the Lasso of Truth! (Other possible advantages are a matter of personal preference…)

  2. Runt82 says:

    I don’t know. With Invisibility, Lasso of Truth, and Telepathy, the urge for her (I’m a guy) to abuse those powers seem a little great to me. With superstrength, it may seem I’d be getting intimate with a man at times. All women at some point are going to nag you about something, and having them scream your ears off literally is very bad. But out of the five, I feel this one is the least of all these evils, so I choose sonic scream.

  3. Runt82 says:

    My bad, I read the question wrong. Telepathy is the absolute one I don’t want them to have.

  4. Brad says:

    @ Rendu: If you’re implying what I think you’re implying (as in a bondage joke), that’s a pretty good one.

    My babe’s a shouter, so the scream would be the worst for me. She’s pretty much already telepathic, she’d love to have the lasso of truth, but that’s only to use it on other people (she can already read me like a book), and invisibility would probably just be a waste of her time, and super strength wouldn’t fit either, because that would mean she got no challenge from exercise anymore.

  5. Fishpants says:

    Yeah I have to go with telepathy. Mine is already telepathic enough as it is.

    BTW if any of you haven’t seen “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” it’s exactly this situation, and pretty funny. Especially the part with the shark.

  6. Gero says:

    Dang! I picked the lasso before I realized telepathy was on there!

  7. Matt says:

    It’s really a lose-lose situation here isn’t it

  8. EnderX says:

    Not sure which one I’d pick for a “Don’t”, but I’m thinking a few people here are missing something regarding the telepathy. If the situation were inverted, and it were a ‘pick one they DO have’ scenario, that’s the one I’d probably pick.

    Consider it: Unless the scenario is ‘they get it after becoming your significant other’, then they’ve probably already seen the worst you can offer. If they’re still willing, after that, to accept you, I’d have to say that comes pretty close to true, unconditional love.

  9. MegaGoober says:

    Now, now, people… why is it that you wouldn’t want her (or him) to have telepathy now, hmm?

  10. knight1192a says:

    Telepathy, definately telepathy.

    Invisibility may seem like something you wouldn’t want them to have at first, but remember their only invisible and not intangible at the same time. They can’t pass through walls or other people, so if they decide they don’t trust you and are going to follow you around they’ve got to watch out for other folks. You could easily loose them without ever knowing they were following you cause no one else can see them to avoid walking into them.

    Lasso of truth is pretty much useless if they can’t get it on you. Of course if you’re kinky you can use the lasso in a manner that doesn’t require getting the truth out of anyone.

    Sonic scream would be bad if they ended up screaming, which may make it the power you don’t want them to have in the bedroom. At the same time you may want to get the right kind of hearing protection to make this less fearful. And of course they’ve got to be catious of screaming least they cause property damage or destroy anything their gonna have to pay for.

    Super strength is bad when they can easily beat you up with their little finger. But you’d never have to open the pickle jar for them and they’d have no excuse to use when it comes to moving the furniture, or the fridge. Even better, need to change a tire when your out on a date and the jack is either broken or not there? No problem, they can lift the car so you can change it.

    But telepathy you could never see coming. Even if you’re not cheating or doing anything wrong you still can keep a secret from them. Did you get them that really expensive piece of jewlery or electronic device they’ve been drooling over for the past year and you want to surprise them with it on their birthday? Oops, too late, they already know about it and where you hid it so they’ve already trated themselves to it. Planning on going out for your anniversary and you’re gonna go to the local pizza joint instead of that new Chinese resturant that just opened up cause you decide to save a few bucks even though you can afford the other (you cheap skate, it’s your annivesary so spend a little), expect either to get the cold silent treatment if you tell them it’s a surprise or to here a lot of yelling and screaming in the car about what a skinflint you are.

    Even worse, what if they can not only read your mind but plant thoughts in your head, make you do what they want? For get about ever having a thought of your own ever again. And you know those movies you love, well get used to nothing but chick flicks.

  11. AmyElf says:

    Ok… from a girl’s view.

    Since you all were thinking about girls let’s consider the fact that it almost works the exact same way with a guy. Invisiblity would be bad… let’s just consider the fact that this would be in the hands of a male super hero and as some of you have admitted, a guy’s mind is a dirty place. No Thank You!
    Lasso of Truth would be different because I’m not sure if many males would be able to handle the lasso (personal opinion of some of the males that I know.) but I don’t know if I really want to trust a guy with such a weapon.
    Sonic Scream would also be a hard problem for me because when guys start to scream it can go a little further than that and then I think the Lasso of Truth would come out too.
    Super Strength would also be something that I would steer away from but it might come in handy… (opening jars or fixing things.)
    And finally, invisiblity. Invisiblity was my choice only because I am combining it with the telepathy and that is a combination that I don’t want to touch.

  12. Kalkin says:

    Telepathy is the worst. Not just, because secrets are hard to keep, but also because you can never know, whether you really love her in the first place or did she just edit your brain. You couldn’t even know, whether you are the way you used to be, or did she edit your whole personality to her liking. Even if she hadn’t, you could never be certain, when she gets tired of you and decides to fix you good. Atleast with other women you could always break up, if it didn’t work out.

  13. RitoruBushi says:

    Here’s the RB Breakdown;

    Invisibility- If you don’t cheat, then this wouldn’t be a problem. Plus, who DOESN’T want to see their privates pound(-ed by/-ing) invisible “hot spots”? The thought of it is just wild!

    Lasso of truth- Who doesn’t like a little kinky tying up once in a while. And also, so long as your honest, this also is not a problem. Plus, your S.O. can use the ol’ rope a’ dope action to prevent people from lying to you which’ll prevent every scam you face off line.

    Sonic scream- If your S.O. has a temper… well, find less conventional methods to prevent them from getting angry. And it’s a GREAT way to let your neighbors know you got some the night before. hehe

    Super strength- A personal bodyguard that can beat the tar ‘n’ snot outta anybody. Muggers beware! Gridlock Traffic cringe! Just take it easy on the love life activities. Also, never date anyone with anger issues AND super strength.

    Telepathy- They say women are fickle, and their minds change faster that Superman in a phone booth. This is my personal #1 pick for a girlfriend NOT to have. They’d use that power with every question asked by you or them. Most men wouldn’t know what to do with this power because they’d think they could convince every woman they want to hook up with them. The truly wise users are the pure of heart, or the morally corrupt. Both men and women alike. The pure of heart would rarely use it. WASTE!!! The morally corrupt would use this ability to gain global domination and everything that falls under the category of control over others. ANARCHY!

    The first four can be worked around if you’re honest and faithful, and if you’re clever enough to get away with your discrete proclivities. Telepathy though… not something you want people having… at least not to the extent of Professor X.

  14. berserker says:

    this is a complete and total lose all around situation, if id have to pick one it might be sonic scream id just turn up the headphones id prob have on

  15. berserker says:

    hopefully having some good noise cancelling ones