One shoe two shoe three shoe four

I've made this point before, but it bears repeating:

You can't wear two pairs of shoes at the same time!

You would think such a fundamental rule of fashion (not to mention physics ... or is it geometry? topography?) would be pretty easy to keep in mind, but you'd be wrong. The latest violation of this sacred trust I've come across is from Mike Grell's "Shaman's Tears", and I think I can see why he's crying:


I'm going to overlook the leather open-chest vest and attached feathered g-string because -- no, wait, there's no way I can ignore that. He's wearing a feathered leather g-string, people! Can you imagine him showing up at the local JLA recruiting drive?

Feather g-string guy: Hi, I'm here to apply!
Batman: Uh, I think maybe you're looking for the "Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter" auditions in Ballroom G ...

But that bit of exotic bondage play isn't what brings me here today, my friends, oh no. I am instead here to bring attention to the footwear abomination the Shaman and his tears are sporting. Your eyes are not deceiving you, he's actually wearing leather thigh boots -- cinched at the knee, mind you -- underneath white moccasins. First of all, you don't wear white shoes until after Great Stag Hunt Day in the Sioux culture, but even more critically, you only ever wear one pair of freaking shoes at a time!

I love me some Mike Grell, don't get me wrong, but this outfit makes me feel violated in about six different ways. Unless he's standing on a flower-decked float blowing kisses to other dudes during some sort of Pride Parade, no one should ever wear this costume.

6 Responses to One shoe two shoe three shoe four

  1. Whit says:

    I know from experience that Pride Parade folk have too much pride to wear that!

  2. Danny Beaty says:

    Please don’t squeeze the shaman! Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.

  3. William A. Peterson says:

    Speaking as a professional Shoe Salesman, I’d like to point out that you’re being silly!
    Haven’t you ever heard of Rubber Overshoes? {Totes, for example…}
    Now, the combination of thigh boots and moccasins is a touch odd, but if the moccs are designed to fit over the boots, what’s the problem?
    {Okay, so you can’t wear them without the boots, at that point, but you’re talking about someone who’s invested in a feathered, leather G-String, here… I think his wardrobe budget is large enough for the purpose!} :->

  4. Frankie says:

    I can’t believe noone has said anything about what that bird is about to do with it’s…um, “pecker”.

  5. Boomshadow says:

    Even later (‘cos I’m going backward through the archive), but…if you can’t wear two pairs of shoes at the same time, where did Superman keep his boots all those years of wearing his costume underneath his suit? For that matter, what about the cape?

  6. @Boomshadow: Superman moves so fast that he simply tailors the cape and cobbles the boots together from thread that he keeps in his pocket.

    Or, he keeps them tucked away on (or in!) his body? In that case, I hope that he keeps you know where super-clean.

    As for this Village People-inspired costume… not just the thigh-high boots. What’s with the garters?

    I hope this character wasn’t supposed to be a Winkte!