Monthly Archives: July 2008

Technoprognostication

The hardest part about imagining the future is that it hasn't happened yet. Most people therefore basically take what's around them at the moment, and mentally multiply it by ten to get at what "the Age of Tomorrow" might look like, but reality is rarely so neat and orderly. Take, for instance, this panel from 1984's "Six From Sirius" showing the intergalactic space fighter's super-advanced tactical weapons computer station:

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Remind you of anything? How about an old Atari video game:

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That's "Rescue on Fractulus", also from 1984. Maybe in this case the comic artist just took his Atari and multiplied by 1.5 instead of 10.

The passing years don't necessarily make tecnoprognostication any easier, either, as you can see from the impressive level of cyber security no lesser team than "The Avengers" managed to put together:

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The graphics! The fonts! The complicated, intricate, and hack-proof interface! The jaundiced yellow, nausea-inducing background! We shouldn't be surprised by the incredible sophistication of this 1990-era computer system, of course, given that The Avengers had the likes of Hank Pym and Tony Stark to build their IT department.

Comics: Imagining tomorrow as today since at least yesterday!

Random Panel: Is it too much to hope he's talking about Britney?

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Captain Rectitude

The third rule of creating a super-powered character (only slightly less important than "Don't tug on Superman's cape" and "Never start a land war in Asia") is, "Never put anything in their name that sounds like 'rectum'."

Which brings us to She-Hulk villain "Captain Rectitude":

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If you're going to violate that third rule anyway, however, at least don't put him in giant purple thigh-boots that should never be seen anywhere outside of a pirate deck. And you certainly shouldn't put a big double-testicle-shaped heart logo on his chest that fires pearly white beams of anti-smut rage. And you definitely, definitely shouldn't make his abilities based on re-channeling his every sexual impulse into Puritanical anti-porn powers.

Yes, that's right, "Captain Rectitude", with the name that starts out with the same root as "rectum", is entirely powered by repressed sexual energy.

Somewhere, Freud is rolling over in his grave and smiling.

(Image and character from "She -Hulk", Vol. 2, No. 21, ©1990, Marvel Entertainment Group.)

Random Panel: Wet and humiliated and getting photographed — I smell a Cinemax special!

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Caption Contest 21: Big Green Mama

It’s time once again for you to put on the Funny Cap and come up with the best caption for the comic book panel below. If your entry is selected, you’ll win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason, I ain't redoing the Sistene Chapel Ceiling with super-heroes!) from professional illustrator Jeff Hebert! Here’s this week’s challenge:

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As always, the rules are simple: Only three entries per person, put your dialog in the comments to this post, and keep it relatively clean (as in, appropriate for a broadcast TV sitcom).

Good luck everyone!

Contest 20 Winner!

The winner of the "EvilDM" Pulp Caption Contest is ... Rob Rogers!

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Honorable Mentions were:

Bixlord: Without the lamentations of the women, it’s just not the same.
HalLoweEn JacK: I’d light a match before going in there, if I were you.
Bixlord: Taking over California will be easier than I thought.
Charles Gramlich: Not having to say you’re sorry? Priceless!
Radioactive Giant Robots: Suck it, Trebeck.

Many thanks to everyone who entered, it was quite a turnout! And one more huge tip-o-the-hat to co-host/judge Jeff Mejia of EvilDM and the "Legends of Steel" role playing game. Great job, Jeff, and thanks for playing along!

Random Panel: Him either. That's why he's spanking the phone.

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Mashup 21: Fill the teenager full of holes!

This week's Mashup, wherein I take one (and only one!) panel from each of ten randomly selected comic books in an effort to make some sort of coherent story, deals with women overcoming stereotypes to kick butt, a horned-helmet space pirate, and sexually ambiguous references from the Black Canary. How can you not read it?!

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Random Panel: Bad things to say to Batman

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Random Panel: How tricky a mind do you need to come up with "Hello" back, Sherlock?

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