The HeroMachine Justice Crusader and Teetotaler Society has chosen to forego the allure of the bottle and a hearty party with our slime-covered super buddy in favor of trying to actually fight crime. It’s an outrage! Or entirely appropriate, I can’t decide which.
Regardless, off we go into the wild blue yonder! If this was the mid-Eighties at Marvel we might be going into the wild Beyonder instead, which isn’t nearly as much fun. Unless you’re Spider-Man and come out of it with new duds.
Is it just me or am I particularly random today?
Ah yes, how well we all know the seductive allure of the temptation to fight evil. Can you blame us for giving in to that sweet, violence-filled calling? Sure you can! This is a blame-first society, get real, people.
Our choice is to take on a warehouse full of five foes or a just one. Now, profiling is wrong, but let’s do it anyway, because who’s going to stop us when we’re carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our backs, and I don’t mean Dale the Drunken Slime Reporter. You might be tempted to think “Let’s start out slow and go for the singular guy”. I know you might be tempted to think that because it’s right there in the text of the poll. The only way you would NOT be tempted to think that is if you cannot read, in which case explain how you know what these words say! HA, busted, fake illiterate!
Where was I? Oh yes, the problem with thinking the singular target would be easier is that Godzilla also works alone. As does Galactus, Fin Fang Foom, Mr. Megapixel (the extra-dimensional Superman foe who magically causes chaos with his digital SLR camera), and a bevy of other high-powered, butt-kicking foes.
On the other hand, a group of bad guys in super hero comics are usually thugs. And since they’re in a warehouse in New York, odds are good they’re with the Mob, so they might actually offer better target practice. Nothing like beating up on henchmen to get the blood flowing.
Of course they could be Teamsters instead, in which case we’d be in for a whoopin’, alien super suit or no.
So what’ll it be, folks, safety (or death) in numbers, or a mano-a-mano … well, technically a duo mano-a-singular-mono … when did we start talking about mono? I didn’t kiss anyone, did you?! Look, just make a choice already, and tell us why in the comments!
(All text is ©2012 by Matt Youngmark and Chooseomatic Books from the excellent “Thrusts of Justice”, which you should totally go buy your own copy of since we’re only scratching the surface of the hilarity enshrined in these pages).