Shockingly, in our guise as the Cosmic Guardian we opted NOT to shoot our annoying neighbor in the face last time. In this Modern Age of Post-Modern Super Heroing, I’d say that qualifies us for inclusion in the Heroic Hall of Fame right there. While personally I might be disappointed in our upright behavior, it nonetheless has led us to a bar, and for that I think we can all be thankful.
In our last installment, we were standing befuddled in our apartment in the high-tech alien embrace of our new super suit deciding whether to potentially blow our nosy neighbor to smithereens or beat a hasty retreat. You’ll never guess, but we decided to run!
I love that our alien super suit doesn’t have a built in wifi decoder ring. They should follow the example of Jeff Goldblum from “Independence Day” and just get an Apple computer, since apparently the Mac OS has a universal translator and can hack anything anywhere, even if it’s from an alien tech base.
I think Dale’s one of our reporter friends, isn’t he? Maybe he’ll be Lois Lane to our Clark. Or maybe he’ll be the Kim Basinger to our Michael Keaton and expose our secret identity! On the other other hand, it’s possible he followed one of the other heroes and got bitten by a radioactive chipmunk and is now the living embodiment of Disney’s Chip (of Chip ‘N’ Dale, before they sold out and started a male stripper business).
By the way, now’s a good time to announce that Disney will be doing a live-action version of Chip ‘N’ Dale’s “Rescue Rangers” next year.
Admit it, you can’t tell whether that’s a joke or not. This is how low Hollywood’s creativity has ebbed, thank you very much “Battleship”.
So what’ll it be, kids?
(All text is ©2012 by Matt Youngmark and Chooseomatic Books from the excellent “Thrusts of Justice”, which you should totally go buy your own copy of since we’re only scratching the surface of the hilarity enshrined in these pages).
In our last chapter or “Thrusts of Justice”, we had just been given a warm and very intimate hug by the dying Cosmic Guardian’s alien cyber suit and were deciding what to do (as chronicled in the excellent Chooseomatic book “Thrusts of Justice”, which you should totally go buy your own copy of since we’re only scratching the surface of the hilarity enshrined in these pages). We opted to head out and do some research on the history of the suit rather than chasing after the super-villain Ox.
When last we left our potential future super-powered individual (as chronicled in the excellent Chooseomatic book “Thrusts of Justice”, which you should totally go buy your own copy of since we’re only scratching the surface of the hilarity enshrined in these pages), we were trying to decide which established character we should pursue. And we went with … The Cosmic Guardian!
We had such fun with Matt Youngmark’s Chooseomatic adventure “Zombocalypse Now” that I thought we should take a crack at his newest book, the super-hero themed “Thrusts of Justice“. As usual, I’ll post a few pages of the adventure and let you all collectively decide on what course of action we should take. Matt’s a very funny, gifted writer and I am sure you’ll get a kick out of these latest escapades. If you enjoyed trotting along after our zombie-confronting stuffed bunny, you’ll love this one as well. And just like last time, you should go buy your own copy since we’re only scratching the surface of the hilarity enshrined in these pages.
Without further ado, let’s don our Clark Kent glasses and slip into our spandex Underoos, folks!
Surrounded by a ravening horde of zombies, supply of ammo dwindling, we had a choice to make for our little stuffed bunny buddy — go out in a blaze of glory or save a bullet for ourselves. Being muy macho, we opted for the former:
D’oh! “Never trust a guy named Vinny”, I think that’s the lesson we can take away from this little misstep. Or possibly “Never start a land war in Asia”, but perhaps I’m getting my intellectual properties confused.
So our adventure ends here, surrounded by the sprawled bodies of our fallen foes, doomed to spend eternity wandering around as a drooling, brain-eating stuffed bunny zombie. There are worse fates, I suppose, like maybe being married to a Kardashian. Although, I wonder what happens to zombies once they eat all the humans? Can they turn cannibal and eat other zombies for whatever brain dregs are left?
Hopefully we’ll never know.
I’d like to thank “Zombocalypse Now” author Matt Youngmark for writing such a fun, engaging adventure, and all of you for playing along. If you haven’t yet purchased your own copy, I highly encourage you to do so. You can take the forks we did not, and see if maybe you can arrive at a different conclusion. Having read through quite a few of them, I promise you’ll enjoy the journey.
Next week we start a new Matt Youngmark adventure, so be sure to tune in on Thursday!
When last we left our zombie-fighting stuffed bunny, we were deciding whether to rally the police troops or to gracefully retire to a holding cell. Breaking from our normal habit of enlightened self-interest, we opted to go all Dirty Harry on Clampy Pete:
Well. Ahem. That seems not to have turned out so well. But we’re still fighting, people! We have both a gun and bullets, which you have to admit is better than just one of the two. Plus we have a plucky if somewhat pessimistic pal parading down the primrose path to Hell with us.
On the one hand I’m tempted to go Full Metal Rabbit on these jokers. Maybe we can blast a path clear to shelter, or failing that maybe we can trip our erstwhile companion and slow the horde down while they feast on his brains and we make our escape.
On the other hand, this is looking a bit desperate, and I’ve grown fond of having our brains in our own head and not in some zombie’s gullet. So some sort of “out” would be nice, just in case.
You make the call and defend it in the comments, folks!
Our little stuffed bunny buddy was last seen in an alley behind the police station with zombie guts in his eye, dithering over whether to get it out OUT OUT or just nut up and head on in to the precinct. Which raises two questions:
- First, who among us has not been, at some point in our fragile human lives, staggering around in an alley behind the police station in some sort of distress over goo in our eyes?
- And second, does a stuffed bunny have nuts with which to nut up? Since he was on a date and hoping to score, I assume so.
After due process and careful deliberation, we in our infinite wisdom have gone the velveteen nut route, screwed up our courage, and bolted for the hard, safe arms of the local constabulary without washing our eyes first. Hopefully our tears of joy when Daddy saves us will wash out the zombie goo sufficiently:
When last we left our intrepid stuffed bunny explorer, we were experiencing a severe case of authorial smack-down, wherein he gaver us the hand while we considered of enacting scenes from “Pulp Fiction”. Only instead of a samurai sword and a gut-wrenching case of involuntary S&M, we had a tire iron and a gut-eating case of zombies. It would seem that cooler heads prevailed and we decided to go with the disguise option instead. Now we get to see if this Matt Youngmark fellow is a kindly old guiding-force wizard or a reader-hating attack weasel.
When last we left our stuffed bunny, we had decided to pick up a tire iron and, I quote, “get medieval on their asses”. Meaning we wanted to walk into a mob of zombies attacking the police station and start hitting them. On purpose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to get zombie guts out of velveteen fur?!
Regardless, the die is cast and here are the results: