It's a blaze of something, that's for sure

Continuing our “Worst Moments in the History of Avenger Costumes” in honor of the movie, we arrive at that beloved icon of national pride, Captain America, at that unfortunate moment in history that he had some disease whose symptoms included massively impaired fashion sense and having his nose eaten off:

I’m glad the armor lets Cap move, so hopefully he can haul his star-spangled butt to the nearest Gap. And I think if I had to choose between dying and being seen in this costume, I’d have a hard time choosing.

My favorite part of this design has to be the fact that they armored the floppy boot tops. That’s like having a metal cape where they build in the folds — it just makes no sense.

I would like to see him stab-kick someone with the pointy metal tips on those suckers though. He needs something EXTREME to go with the bionic unhinged jaw-scream he’s sporting.

39 thoughts on “It's a blaze of something, that's for sure

  1. Dan says:

    I personally love the two tiered sholder pads, just to make sure he can’t move his arms, and the head wings, because you just know that they were metal like the rest of the armor. Forget about impaling someone with the boots, just imagine Cap taking out someone’s eye with a headbutt.

  2. MisterDinoMan says:

    That thing’s got a Liefeld vibe going on.

  3. John says:

    Gahhhh! That’s so…so…ex-TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!

  4. Skybandit says:

    When did the Tick start carrying a shield?

  5. WillyPete says:

    Now, Skybandit… The Tick would never be caught dead wearing something that looks like THAT!!! Please apologize… 😀

  6. Joshua says:

    With an outfit like that? Yeah, it would have been better if he remained paralyzed.

  7. Cape-Jacker says:

    Wook at the widdle baby wings! Forget extreme, you’ve got the CUTE factor going on! Adorable!!

  8. Jeff Hebert says:

    Cape-Jacker:
    Wook at the widdle baby wings! Forget extreme, you’ve got the CUTE factor going on! Adorable!!

    You won’t think it’s cute when your eyeball is yanked out of your red skull by one of them after a head-butt, pal! Because that would be EXTREEEEEEME!

    With everlasting thanks to Dan for the suggestion.

  9. Cape-Jacker says:

    Jeff Hebert: You won’t think it’s cute when your eyeball is yanked out of your red skull by one of them after a head-butt, pal! Because that would be EXTREEEEEEME!

    With everlasting thanks to Dan for the suggestion.

    Pshaw, extremely adorable, perhaps. How am I supposed to take any of this seriously?

  10. William says:

    Oh hell. I had that issue. And even at the tender age of 13, I knew something was very, very wrong. And stupid. Very stupid.

  11. Cape-Jacker says:

    Okay, actual comment that contributes to the conversation: is it just me, or does his shield look like it’s made of some sort of styrofoam? And I don’t see any straps for him to hold onto, so… Are there magnets implanted in the shield, which latch onto his armor-suit?

  12. Jeff Hebert says:

    I’m going with the magnet theory because that so totally fits the era.

    Also, I love how even though they weren’t able to add actual pouches, they still inscribed the left thigh armor with lines where the straps WOULD be, were there actual pouches to be strapped on.

  13. Cape-Jacker says:

    http://i1138.photobucket.com/albums/n533/hannah_gibbs5/Captain-America-Panel-One.jpg
    http://i1138.photobucket.com/albums/n533/hannah_gibbs5/Captain-America-Panel-Two.jpg
    I may or may not be inadvertently spamming this thread out of boredom, but I’m bored, so here is the result of approximately fifteen minutes of Picmonkey.com, and Google Images… Again, I’m bored.

  14. Frevoli says:

    It’s the baraclava that bugs me

  15. Myro says:

    Cape-Jacker:
    Okay, actual comment that contributes to the conversation: is it just me, or does his shield look like it’s made of some sort of styrofoam? And I don’t see any straps for him to hold onto, so… Are there magnets implanted in the shield, which latch onto his armor-suit?

    Cape-Jacker’s right. What is going on with that shield? I mean, I’m amused by the fact that there are no straps holding it in place, but this is obviously not “THE Shield” as there are chunks missing out of it, revealing it to be made out of…balsa wood? Okay, does it honestly make a ton of sense to armor Cap up in this hideousness, and then give him a second third fourth-rate shield to use? The original would provide that extra touch of protection.

    Disturbing to know even Cap wasn’t immune to ’90s EXTREME!!!!1!-ism.

  16. Cape-Jacker says:

    I know why they armored the floppy part of the boots!! Brain waves! It’s to protect him from angry little kids kicking him in the shins, because believe me when I say this: children are HARD kickers. [Or, dare I say it, EXTREEEEEME kickers?]

  17. Jeff Hebert says:

    Cute graphics, Cape-Jacker!

  18. Cape-Jacker says:

    Jeff Hebert:
    Cute graphics, Cape-Jacker!

    Cute? I thought the only acceptable adjective here was something along the lines of “EXTREEEEEEME!” But thanks!

  19. Dan says:

    Myro:I mean, I’m amused by the fact that there are no straps holding it in place, but this is obviously not “THE Shield” as there are chunks missing out of it, revealing it to be made out of…balsa wood?

    I think the chunks are actually supposed to be in the foreground. Who would believe that the same artist who came up with the CapArmor was bad at things like perspective?

  20. EnderX says:

    Dan’s right – the chunks are in the foreground. It looks like they’re supposed to be part of the wall Cap’n Armor just kicked his way through…hmm, maybe that’s what the metal floppy portion on the boots was for?

    And given the fact that they appear to be separate pieces anyway, I’m going with the theory the magnets are in the gauntlet the shield is attached to, not the shield itself. Anyone know if vibranium is supposed to be ferromagnetic or not?

  21. Kaldath Kaldath says:

    I Just hope this wasn’t “The” Captain America, Steve Rogers, but instead one of his fill-ins. I can See Mister US-Agent sporting this monstrosity though!

  22. Doornik1142 says:

    While I kinda like the idea of Cap having a set of super-armor for fights with especially tough enemies (if it works for Iron Man why not Cap too?) the text box indicates this was meant to be a permanent change.

    What were they thinking?!

  23. Doornik1142 says:

    Jeff Hebert:
    I’m going with the magnet theory because that so totally fits the era.

    Speaking of which, wasn’t there a point where Cap had a high-tech shield he could control with his mind or something? Maybe this is that one.

  24. Jack Zelger says:

    Wow, I never saw that. Even the art and layout of that cover looks bad.

    You know, Booster Gold had some pretty similar bulky armor in the later 90’s, and at that point he also had to wear it to stay alive. Now, did this Cap issue come before or after that?

    Somehow big bulky armor is a good thing?

  25. Reader Kate says:

    Frevoli is right about the balaclava. Just imagine how comical he would sound, talking with his nose blocked like that.

  26. I am more offended by “The Tick” references. The Tick was very sardonic, sarcastic, and smart! Yes, the writing and story were witty and twisty-fantastic! This Captain America “Got-Your-Nose” moment… yeah, I like The Maxx… this is not a Maxx moment.

  27. Sarah says:

    That’s his mask? Here I thought he grew an ugly mustache. Eeegh

  28. Herr D says:

    CA: I’d give my right arm to be able to fight crime again.
    Stark Envoy: Sir? We can get you fighting crime–and it will only cost your NOSE.

  29. spidercow2012 says:

    fwiw, I have a fairly strong (meaning I’m not making this up) 40+-years-old memory of Cap receiving, from Stark or SHIELD or somebody (Reed Richards?), a magneted gauntlet arrangement that held his shield in place and helped him catch it when it unerringly returned boomerangically to him. I mean, no I don’t remember who hooked him up, but I can vividly see, in my mind’s eye, the panel (drawn by Kirby, iirc) depicting the magnet array on the back of his glove. Yes, I’m very old; I saw this in its first printing.

  30. punkjay says:

    Skybandit: When did the Tick start carrying a shield?</blockquote
    That's the Barry tick that carried the shield. I think this costume would be ok if he didn't have the nosegard and the boots were not as flaired. And would someone please fix the ding in his shield! The man has been in the service since WWII he should at least get a sheild that isn't broken!

  31. Joshua says:

    Obviously, the new armor was needed due to paralysis, but just how
    did he become paralyzed in the first place? And I can’t help but wonder if Marvel was attempting to capitalize on Knightfall from a few years earlier.

  32. Dan says:

    Joshua:
    Obviously, the new armor was needed due to paralysis, but just how
    did he become paralyzed in the first place? And I can’t help but wonder if Marvel was attempting to capitalize on Knightfall from a few years earlier.

    This was from the pre-Mark Waid, pre-heroes reborn story line where the Super Solider serum was wearing off. No joke. It was a year long story that at the end had Cap paralized, and that’s when Mark Waid took over his first run. His solution? A blood transfusion from the Red Skull.

  33. Gabe Puratekuta says:

    MisterDinoMan:
    That thing’s got a Liefeld vibe going on.

    That’s what I thought even before reading!

  34. Worf says:

    MisterDinoMan:
    That thing’s got a Liefeld vibe going on.

    Gabe Puratekuta: That’swhat I thought even before reading!

    Can’t be Liefeld, it’s got both feet AND they’re not pointy triangles. 😉

  35. ProwlerKnight says:

    I hope Stark didn’t make this because if so that makes TWO heroes outfits he’s ruined, one being Spider-Mans Red and Gold Alien-looking tragedy.

  36. Dan says:

    ProwlerKnight:
    I hope Stark didn’t make this because if so that makes TWO heroes outfits he’s ruined, one being Spider-Mans Red and Gold Alien-looking tragedy.

    He sure did.

  37. ProwlerKnight says:

    Dan: He sure did.

    Wow, he’s a master at making his own suits but when it comes to other heroes he just fails

  38. ProwlerKnight says:

    Amazingly I found another version of the Capt. that is just as bad if not worse, and its Leifeld.

    http://i.newsarama.com/images/heroes-reborn_02.jpg

  39. ProwlerKnight says:

    One last note if you’re doing the Avengers worst outfits, try Iron-man in Heroes Reborn next, that I gotta say is the WORST rendition of Iron-man, not even the old outfits compare to this one in being down right bizarre.

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