Have you ever been a stuffed bunny out on a date when suddenly you realize your companion is a brain-lusting zombie? I think we all have, because in addition to the horrors of dating many of us started our latest Choose Your Own Adventure last week with "Zombocalypse Now"!
When last we left our intrepid Velveteen Lothario, we were deciding whether to try and stick it out with our date or flee to the bathroom. In the finest Lone Wolf tradition, we cut and run:
Ah, the age-old CYOA conundrum, whether to flee for help or stay and fight. Luckily we don't have an irritating "Try and dodge the oncoming biker truck" skill and you haven't had to rely on your friendly neighborhood blogger to roll any dice. It's just pure intellectual brainpower ... oh crap. We're hosed.
Have at it, my little duckies, make your choice and defend yourself in the comments.
I wonder what horny stuffed bunnies shout as they charge into battle with the undead?
("Zombocalypse Now" copyright ©2009 by Matt Youngmark. You can buy this great book for your very own here and I highly encourage you to do so. I did, and believe me, you're going to want to experience the full story in a way these samples simply cannot.)
Let me just say how this could go from bad to worse to you’re f*%ked:
1). If said zombie shambles toward you appearing the classic Romero/Walking Dead, that’s bad.
2). If said zombie sprints toward you snarling like in 28 Days Later (…I know, NOT a zombie film, but in spirit it IS) or Zach Snyder’s Dawn, that’s worse.
3). If said zombie hobbles toward you, dripping ichor, reeks of Trioxin, and looks like Tarman…well then you’re f*%ked!
🙂
Guy in the ground is hosed, likely already infected – as I understand Zombie Apocalypses – cut and run. alert the authorities.
But why they would listen to a stuffed bunny, I’ll never know….
I gotta say, I’m damn curious to see what a stuffed bunny’s fighting style is. Let’s throw down!
yup, guy on the ground is done for if already bit. run for the cops and try to save the city, even if they wont believe you.
He can’t be saved, that dude is Zombie Ragu!
I say leg it!
I say stay and fight for three reasons:
1) Authorities never listen.
2) Not all Zombie Plagues are transmitted by biting, so this guy COULD still be saved.
3) Doesn’t matter, we’ll be running anyway.
Bwahahahaha! Like the kid with the answer key before the test, I hold the power. Taking Jeff’s suggestion, I bought the book, which I hold in my hand. And on the cover, it proclaims, “112 possible endings. At least 7 in which you don’t die.” So, don’t hold high hopes on this one, folks. I’ve read through a half dozen scenarios yet, and I have yet to live through one.
On the other hand, this CYOA is pretty funny, so to maximize enjoyment, I’m just going to go ahead and persuade the rest of you on what I believe to be the funniest choice. Which is not necessarily the safest choice. In fact, if I think that dying in a particularly epic or hilarious manner is better than living, that’s what I’m suggesting. So follow me at your own risk.
Having read ahead, I’m getting more chuckles out of saving the poor zombie bait.
My vote to Flee away. Why we haven’t got the equipment to fight against a zombie. (Or the goverment seized 😀 The movie WORLD WAR Z shooted in Hungary, and my “much like goverment” seized the weapons what the film makers want to use in the movie). So back to theme, run run run, never fight against a hungry zombie 😀
Why break a good tradition? Lone Rabbit screams out his battle cry:
“Run awaaaay!”
Find the nearest police station, let them know what’s gong on. While they either laugh at the notion of a talking stuffed rabbit, or run out into the street, guns blazing, this leaves you with a chance to break into the armory and stock up on weapons. As they’ll most likely be taken down by the 28 Days Later version of zombies, the car and armored SWAT truck (possibly stocked with more ammo and weapons) will be up for grabs as will the body armor and helmet. Yeah, I’d go with the “authorities” on this one, because as soon as they run out the door and get tackled by a zombie, you ARE the authorities.
On the one hand, as a stuffed bunny, we really shouldn’t have anything the zombie would be interested. On the other hand, the zombie is expressing a craving for brains, yet he was chewing on the guy’s leg, so he’s apparently not sure how to obtain brains, and is willing to o through some trial and error.
So, I say run away. Er, to alert the authorities. Right.
This one, if you’ll pardon the expression, is a “no-brainer”…
Never mind the authorities, just cut and run! Standing and fighting is NOT in the cards for fluffy stuffed bunnies!
Again, if we’re stuffed, there are probably no brains there, just an innate knowledge that somehow comes with being an animated talking stuffed rabbit.
Run to the authorities. I presume in this context that means the police, but one could also take that to mean “authorities on zombie plagues” who’d be prepped to do something effective. But I’m asking too much from a CYOA with its limited choices. Still, going to the cops means either getting their aid or getting locked up, either of which is a plus. Until a cop with the keys to your cell get zombified and eats you. Hmmm…
You know, there’s a lot of ways this can go. All I know is there’s zero chance of saving Gimpy McOneLeg.
Run. Although I almost expect to find out that the nearest police station has already been taken and we are just going to walk right into another zombie’s lap…