Reason #10: The outfits

The Joel Schumacher Rule allows for no exceptions, and simply stated it commands that “Thou shalt have no nipples on the outside of thy costume”, but apparently Rob Liefeld didn’t get the memo when it came time to put together Stryfe’s “look”:

xf-33-nips

My theory is that when this guy got his nose smashed in, it forced his nipples to pop out of his armor. Or, it’s really really cold. Or, he’s into that kind of “play” and couldn’t resist leaving little booby-portholes in his otherwise impregnable defense. Or Rob Liefeld couldn’t design his way out of a paper bag.

My theory, and darkest nightmare, is some combination of the last two.

I suppose, however, that if your evil armorer was so lazy he just poked some eye holes in the nearest battle-axe for your “helmet”, forgetting pesky details like a space for your nose or ears, you’ve got bigger problems than an inappropriate level of sexual discretion.

If so, you’d have company in Shatterstar, whose outfitter pawned off an old wrestling head protector as “state of the art meta-human cranial protection”:

shatterstar
shatterstar2

He paid a bundle for it, too, which explains why he had to slum it with Cable’s eye-makeup guy. “Glowing is so IN right now!” he gushed.

But let’s be honest, it’s not like Rob Liefeld has all that many arrows in his costume design quiver; had he put together HeroMachine, there would only be twelve items in it, and eight of them would be thigh pouches.

(All images and characters ©Rob Liefeld and Marvel Comics.)

19 Responses to Reason #10: The outfits

  1. Oh my, is it that time already? Why, yes, yes I think it is!

    Yaaaayy! Booze! Time to forget the atrocity the fun way again!

  2. Jigglypuff

    I agree! I @$@$^#@ hate the nipples on Styfer’s costume up there, and you already know the crotchless costumes on Domino and Stryker. Liefield’s tastes are VERY screwed up.

  3. who’d he sllep with do get an artist job. hes oviously got no talent skill.

  4. Axe-nipples? Like, rivet axe nipples?
    Whatever, at least it’s not metallic leather bands like he did to Thor…that was just uber-tarded.

  5. have you noticed that even the nipples aren’t in their right position? the man seriously need to take some art classes. he draws like i did in junior high.

  6. is it just me or are Stryfe’s muscles creepy???

  7. Not to mention his treatment of the female form. All his female characters look alike.

  8. Jigglypuff

    Indeed, Redvector, indeed.

  9. That last paragraph had me hyped for a Liefield-mini or set of “items” (including the body)

  10. MY GOD! THE BAT-NIPPLE!!! IT’S SPREADING!!!

  11. and is it me, or do his abs have abs?

  12. Stryfe’s got 44 magnum nipples the most power nipples in the world.

  13. I swear, Liefeld is such an idiot…look at the dude’s mouth in the last image…tight, cramped, pursed mouth? Check. Little itty bitty chiclet teeth that are proportional to the size of the mouth, as opposed to their actual size relative to the size of the person’s skull? Check, check and double check.

    What a moron.

  14. You guys crack me up …

  15. I like this bit of conversation they had in “Cable & Deadpool”, #12 (where Liefeld is nowhere to be seen, yay!)

    Deadpool faces AgentX again, after having a scrap with him, a conversation follows:

    Fixer: You took his pancreas?
    Deadpool: I had the sword out already and, well, he took a lot of my brain, I figured, it’s just a little pancreas.
    Fixer: Uhm… where is it?
    Deadpool: You know how we have these little pouches on our belts, but we never seem to use them…

  16. HalLoweEn JacK

    I’m calling you out, Jeff – next character competition (BTW: Nice way to encourage Beta testing of the program!) should be ‘best liefield parody’.

    Withthe potential for scaling, rotating and positioning, HM3 provides the tools to ensure no hand eve holds a sword, no thigh goes unpouched, and not human form is ever quite anatomically correct.

    As I type this there is someone throwing up in my neighbours yard so violently that I can hear them over the counds of Wrath of Khan playing on my other monitor.

    meanwhile – the competition should be for the image that almost looks right, until, upon further inspection, you realise that it’s all horribly, horribly wrong.

    You know you want to do it. Graven Imaj demands it!

  17. Zorbas the Awesome

    I agree with jack. that would be HILARIOUS

  18. HalLoweEn JacK

    P.S. I’ve been trying to make an antry for the Robo compettion and having major issues with the application – where do bug reports go?

  19. I’ve been having issues of it freezing when moving from item to item. The loading box will come up but won’t load up.