How can you look this bad and still call yourself French?

I find it hard to put into words how bad Dumas's costume is, so I'm just going to let it speak for itself:

dumas

I can't believe this guy is French. They invented fashion, and this is the best they can do? On further reflection, of course, you begin to realize that while the character is French, the person who actually designed him was almost surely American.

No wonder they hate us.

I have to ask a few questions though, like why does he have a white fur stole stapled to his head? Can he sit down without those gigantic hip spikes destroying the chair? What's going to pop out of that big ring hanging down over his crotch? How does he raise his right arm over his head? And why are his greaves on backwards?

Oh, wait, he's French -- he's probably running away a lot, so it makes sense to protect the backs of his legs.

I don't think I'm exactly helping Franco-American relations here. I'd better quit before I say something really offensive, like wondering if French cuisine was the inspiration for this outfit's "rotten pea-soup green and stinky moldy cheese-yellow" color scheme.

Aaaaaaaaand we're done. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

(Character and image © DC Comics, Inc.)

40 Responses to How can you look this bad and still call yourself French?

  1. The really horrible thing is that you can see that probably back in the creator’s head SOMEwhere was a cool looking character and that on the way to the paper, that was utterly lost.

  2. oh man i have terrible image in my head..-can you imagine the guy walking into a disco bar and asking for for a beer?

  3. William A. Peterson

    Well, he IS the world’s foremost assassin, so he can probably get away with it… :->
    {Actually, if I remember, he was also a shape-shifter, so he could always pretend to be someone MOCKING his own costume, thereby assuring that the Hero would never guess who he was!}

  4. @ Jeff are you going to do masks yet or-y’know..-what are you working on right now /Next?
    i would really like:
    A Cable mask

    a Domino mask*

    A wolverine-type mask

    A Green Arrow mask

    A Green Lantern mask

    Zorro -type mask

    batman type mask
    *(to the best of your Abilities with out violating or whatever Trademarks And Copyrights Laws.)

  5. @ Willy Pete was that last one aimed at my disco joke i am a teen so guess i wasn’t paying attention to what hero or villain that you or Jeff are talking about. could ‘ya fill m’ in? ‘m only 14 as they say and you are like 55’n’SOOO Much Wiser.

  6. THAT GUY”S “NAME” IS DUMAS? how UNIQUE (SSYYYYKKKe!) for a French dude with musketeer-like French Crosses!

  7. Well… considering the other choices he COULD have made, DUMAS is not such a bad name… some alternatives are:
    – The Fifth Musketeer (aka. The Fifth Wheel)
    – Frenchy
    – The Musky Musketeer
    – The Rot (with his sidekick the Mold)
    – Fleur-de-Lis
    – the Ex-terminator

  8. yeah your probanly right.. by the way Jus’ curious but how’d’ya come up w’ WORF?

  9. hey here’s a name, moldy thong !

  10. hey Jeff are you working on auroras or somthin’ ?

  11. Danny Beaty

    What’s the latest with HM3? I need a full head metallic mask that looks like a canine head (a German Shepherd’s head would be a great model for the mask/helmet.)
    Old joke: I crossed a shitzu with a bulldog and got bullshit!

  12. Jeez Danny, I just released two hundred face items yesterday, is that not enough of a latest for you? I said I was taking a couple of days to work on updates to those. I’m not sure what I’m starting on next.

  13. @Jeff Hebert: Uh…okay. I will back away slowly…I will not look you in the eye, nor will I make any sudden moves. I’m not making any threatening gestures, I’m just moving toward the door oh so cautiously.

  14. They should have just named him Capituler.

  15. @JR: I’m a big fan of Star Trek. Worf is one of the characters in Star Trek: The Next Generation. That’s how. 😉

  16. Just had to post to say the headline for this entry made me laugh out loud.

  17. @ Worf… oh…. yeah that does sound star trekkish

  18. @ Danny: Actually, Danny, its actually quite easy to make a dog-like mask using the items Jeff already has put into the Alpha. You can use the full-face mask in military headgear, the dog snout in the noses and two of the furry cat/dog ears in ears. You’ll have to re-scale the ears and nose, but with a little trial and error you should be able to make it work. You make the color scheme so it looks “shiny” and metallic, and change the line color to make it look like solid metal. I made a couple of examples, but I don’t know if I can post them here…

  19. Jester points out what is so great about Hero Machine. If it’s not already there you can probably build it yourself. While not as elaborate, I’ve been using belts to make sashes and bandoleers. I might try for a boot purse and thigh pouches next.

  20. Good point, Jester, and I’m glad you guys are enjoying that part of the new program. I’ve been impressed at some of the stuff I’ve seen over on the UGO HM forums.

  21. I imagine this is how Bruce Wayne would have turned out if he went into pimpin’ instead of crimefighting.

  22. I was thinking the same thing, but with Spawn… Wouldn’t be able to talk over Hell in that outfit though; they wouldn’t let him through the gates.

  23. Danny Beaty

    @Jester: Understood, but that’s not what I’m looking for.

  24. how come you can’t post HM3 Heroes? oh and um will jeff be working on masks and helmets-or is he doing that right now?
    I just would like to know ‘cuase I’ve been doing nothing but waiting for info and stuff to come or try to pass the time while waiting this whole week.

  25. MAAANNNN THIS is SO awkward but i feel that we’re like old ladies comforting jeff as he’s going through his menstrual cyles/ stage of life and … yeah.. all.. THAT..stuff.

  26. While I don’t wish to speak for Jeff, I do imagine he is extremely busy and is doing all he can with most of his professional and free time. With that said, I will speak for all of us when I say we are grateful and appreciate his talent and work. Finally, if we are all old women, then I call dibs on the mysterious cat lady who brings with her faint whiffs of ammonia…yet, the best damn dessert bars at our bingo gatherings.

  27. ‘k but I call dibs on the hilarious Kentucky woman in a bowling green accent who makes the best jest!
    I speak for my self and any other artists who belive hat HM gives them a chance to become better at creating and sketching through observation of his drawings.
    I also think that HM helps you as a creative person or artist express your thoughts and helps you get past everbody’s creative enemy writer’s and artist’s block.
    -since, no offense, anybody is telling me what he is working on other/ after more facial features I’m going to hesitantly assume that Nobody Knows.

  28. @ Jeff for research of guns you should check out this site:
    http://world.guns.ru/shotgun/sh05-e.htm

  29. what does” Your comment is awaiting moderation.” mean?

  30. @JR: Whenever you put a link in a comment, the blogging software holds it for my manual approval. Helps prevent spam.

  31. Some images for inspiration:
    The whole armor, except helmet:
    http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mmiii_gallery/83038.jpg
    The hole suit, especially skull shaped shoulder- and knee plates:
    http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ca_gallery/85424.jpg
    Wrist plate:
    http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/cw_ag/75426.jpg

  32. Jeff, as someone who is half-French, I find your comments about Dumas’ nationality offensive.

    To quote an old teacher of mine, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.

    Other than that, keep up the good work.

  33. @ D -Dude, no offence but, I’m 1/8 french and the only thing that I find remotely find offensive is the pea soup thing and i haven’t even had that.
    the Point is he was talking about how Bad The COSTUME IS not how bad the food or fashion sense of the french is. he was complementing the french and insulting the american or the guy who designed DUMAS.

  34. @D: I’m half French too (“Hebert”, hello!), and I would just say, lighten up 🙂

  35. @”Monsieur” Hebert: Does that mean we can call you “Frenchy”?

  36. Sorry, Jeff. Guess I hadn’t had enough caffeine when I wrote that (or maybe I’d had too much?) Either way, I was in a bad mood and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.

  37. @Jeff-

    You’re half french? and you haven’t given up on Heromachine yet?!

    Oh and his long white furry pony tail thing is for something white and flag like being close by.

  38. Again with the lateness and the sorry.

    Seriously, this guy probably has to work solo because he’d wind up inadvertently impaling his teammates on bits of costume!

    It’s funny that the artists shot for “Dumas” and wound up hitting “Dumbass.” 😉

  39. Stephen Forrest Lee

    Dumas is Not French.
    He was Born in America and “worked” in Japan.
    Stephen Forrest Lee named himself “Dumas” after “The Man with the iron mask’s author”.

    he was also kind of transexual with split personality.