Open Critique Day

It's Friday, so that must mean it's time for another OCD. You know the drill, you post a piece of heromachine work (either finished or W.I.P) that you want an opinion on and myself and others will give our opinions and advice.

So, show us what you’ve got.

Rules for posts, contests, and challenges that I am hosting: Original characters only, no copyrighted characters, no characters based on copyrighted characters, no characters based on RPG’s or other games. The characters must be your own design and not based on any character that might be copyrighted in any way. I have the right to delete any post that I believe crosses this line without warnings.

About JR19759

Email: Twitter: @jr19759 Deviantart: JR19759 Deviantart HM Group: Heromachine-Art

34 Responses to Open Critique Day

  1. Kicktar says:
    Kitsune Sentoki is genetically and telepathically enhanced to be extremely agile, have lightning fast reflexes, and other cat-like things in a post apocalyptic world.

    As usual, I’m posting this one because I wrote a story involving her. If you want to read it:

  2. JR19759 says:

    @Kicktar- First thing is, how is her club-thing staying in that position. She needs a belt or something for that to work visually. Secondly, I’m not a fan of grey and brown together on one item, so I’d advise changing the colouring of the gloves & knee pads to maybe grey and a darker grey (but that is just my preference). The pink headband doesn’t really sit with the rest of the colour scheme which is all muted colours, so you could address that as well. But apart from that, the over all design is solid, I like the colour you’ve got for the jeans.
    I assume you’ve done more than just that story about this character, because otherwise there isn’t a huge amount to judge in terms of characterisation, interaction and development. It worked well for being a short fight scene centred story bit.

  3. hawk007 says:

    Do I post it directly here, or do I post a link?

  4. Herr D says:

    @Kick: I would suggest a pair of brackets, maybe made from rifle/pistol ItemRight parts, one forward and low-slung on the hip, and one backward on the outer thigh. Brackets could hold the points away from her leg and be ‘springy’ so she could pull it or put it away quick, and the weapon could slide within them to account for her flexibility. Padding on them for quiet?
    @ev1: I haven’t had as much time to work on this one–some of you have heard of shrunken heads? They are reportedly between rubbery and leathery, and the faces are remotely as they were with a pear-shaped deformation and discoloration much like:

    What I most want are opinions on the stitching and pegging for the lips and eyes. Would it look more banged up if I ‘frayed’ the stitches to come and ‘splintered’ the pegs? Would it be creepier still if it was in far better condition? The pegs are traditionally light-colored wood or perhaps bone. I’m thinking a hideous light yellow so far. Also, the wrinkling I’ve tried looks too much like cracking so far. Any cracking would only be around the edges. Suggestions?

  5. JR19759 says:

    @Hawk- you post it as you would for a contest, i.e. you post a direct link to the image, rather than to a hosting page.
    @Herr D- It would look quite good if you could have bits of the stitching coming apart and showing the inside stuffing. I think that, from what I’ve seen of Shrunken Heads, going as tatty as possible is the way to go here. Also you may want to change how you’ve done the eyes, remember they’re sewn together.

  6. Herr D says:

    @k: and nice blurb abt Kitsune. The brackets would probably look like mike stand tops, if that’s any help. I made something like those curved ‘tongs’ from two of the blobs in Companion Std. sized way down and smaller x than y. It will probably be posted today if you want to look at it.

  7. Herr D says:

    @JR: SUPPOSEDLY there is no stuffing to shrunken heads, but hair getting loose and protruding might do, right? Yeah, about those eye stitches, I’m debating placing each stitch over protrusion puckers on top of those eyes or building the eyes to match some premade stitching. Tough choice.

  8. hawk007 says:

    Sorry, didn’t quite catch that. So, I should post a link. I’ve never done this, so I’m very sorry. Do you mean I should post a link to a direct image, or I should post a link to my gallery?

  9. JR19759 says:

    @Herr D- Yeah, could work.
    @Hawk- Post a link that goes to the image only, not your gallery. Open the image you want to post in a new tab and then post the hyperlink in the comment box.

  10. Jadebrain says:

    Here’s what WOULD be a finished armored outline for the character I’ve been working on, had I not forgotten to draw the tail. Since this image was scanned, I’ve decided that the tail armor would basically be like a tapering scale tube that would wrap around the tail. I’ve already started on the creation of a final, textured form of the picture, but I’m not sure how to draw the scales (the armor is basically a take on lorica squamata) without making the area the scales are drawn on to look too dark. Any other ideas for improvement are also welcome.

  11. hawk007 says:

    Thanks! I’ll probably submit one.

  12. JR19759 says:

    @Jadebrain- One thing I would consider is maybe adding some sort of thigh armour, the upper legs look rather under-protected and taking a wound to the leg does sort of cripple you in battle. I’d also put in some sort of shoulder strap for the spear/ polearm, because it would be tiring to carry that around like that all the time. Apart from those, I can’t see anything glaringly wrong. I’m looking forward to seeing it finished. I’d like to see it coloured, that might also help to distinguish between what’s armour and what isn’t.

  13. Vectorman316 says:

    Not sure what else to do with this. I know it needs some shading but i’m not sure where to apply it.

  14. TOOL says:

    I made this character last night trying out some new items and getting back into creation mode. I think I am gonna try out some of the new body parts and look at some helpful tips on the forums to try and work on some different poses and characters.

  15. Herr D says:

    @Kick: Yah my mike stand with the tong-style clip is posted in the reddit contest now if you want a look.
    @Jade: squamatta without being dark in a pencil drawing usually means extra-thin lines or larger-than-normal plates. In hm3 the key for realism would be masking each armor piece separately for hue and angle difference. Some artists have reported good results from wrinkling foil and cutting it into pieces to lay on top of early drafts or even to wrap dolls in an attempt to mimic the reflections of metal in later drafts. Even origami masters tend not to incorporate foil into a multimedia presentation.
    –Oh, and JR is right about the thighs–a mesh or 2nd layer of that same skirt would go a long way. Are you gonna spike the tail armor?

  16. JR19759 says:

    @Vectorman- The dragon/ serpent seems to end too soon. Maybe add a further bit to the tail coming from off screen and then ending with the tip above the two foreground characters. As for shading, well the obvious places are where the shadows would fall naturally, on the rocks under the coils, between the plates/ scales and maybe do a bit of highlighting on the rocks as well to add contrast.
    @Tool- Like the glove item bullet belt. Maybe change the colour of the pants item behind the mask, because the mask gets a bit lost with it being brown on brown. As I said to Kicktar above, I don’t care for brown and grey on the same item. The only other thing that you could do to improve it is to move the head to the right a bit, so the back of the head lines up with the neck. Apart from that, nice work, good to have you back sir.

  17. TOOL says:

    @JR19759, Thanks, I really have no good reason for being gone for so long other than work, kids, honey do’s, got injured but better now, sick too, holidays, vacations, ( trailing off in the distance )…Yeah pretty much life LOL I hope that with whats going on now finally with my routine I can make more time for my art and you guys and gals.

  18. Vectorman316 says:

    @JR Thanks, if the image isn’t too big to upload, I’ll post as soon as I’m done

  19. hawk007 says:

    Pretty much what I’m looking for is how good of a job did I do, and what do you think is bad about it that needs to be changed?

  20. TOOL says:

    @hawk007, I like the overall design. I think that it needs to be cleaned up a little on his right side near the arm, there seems to be something wrong with the upper right arm and chest area. The sword could be a bit longer and possibly a different type more befitting of a mechanical or gladatorial type person. He seems like a robot/future armored gladiator type to me. The chest seems kinda bare but if you were going for the gladiator type then I would maybe do a kilt/outer wear piece or something to espose the shins to balance the skin to armor ratio. I might go with different shoes too. Maybe tech shoes/boots or roman sandal type somethings. Critique aside I do like the idea though, nice shine effects.

  21. Mr.Nobody says:

    I’ve new here, so forgive any incompetence.
    I have a thorough description of this guy in my heromachine gallery, but in short he is good, normally silver, and turns into this when he has anxiety attacks. Yeah, that sums it up pretty good.


  22. Mr.Nobody says:

    I’ve new here, so (please) forgive any incompetence.
    I have a thorough description of this guy in my heromachine gallery, but in short he is good, normally silver, and turns into this when he has anxiety attacks. Yeah, that sums it up pretty good.

  23. TOOL says:

    @Vectorman316, Nice use of head pieces to make the snake dragon things body. I dont think the two little people are going to make it very far away from the beast before they become dinner though lol

  24. Kicktar says:

    @Herr D: Ah, I see what you mean. I’ll see what I can do.

  25. Vectorman316 says:

    Thank you, TOOL 😀

  26. JR19759 says:

    @Hawk- I’d agree with everything Tool said, but I’d also add that his legs look really small compared to his arms, so maybe address that as well. You could also add some shadows to the bits you highlighted to really make the picture pop.
    @Mr Nobody- Very nice. First thing I’d say is that you should move the flames around his neck outwards a bit, because at the moment they make him look like he has a very thin neck, which doesn’t work with the head shape. Secondly, the spikes on his chest need to be bigger (not the top most two, but the eight below those), because they are very hard to see currently. Apart from that it all works pretty well.
    @Vectorman- Yes that looks better. You could add a shadow on the scale directly underneath the lower jaw, considering where the light source is (behind) where the shadow is currently doesn’t make much sense. But apart from that it looks great.

    Ok guys, the OCD is now closed. See y’all next week.

  27. Matthew Le Hunte says:

    how could i make this better?

  28. Herr D says:

    @matt: A few things might improve your Cyberlion. It’s kind of busy. You probably ought to unify the color scheme a little and simplify the design somewhat. The colors and patterns clash too much. Another thing is that he’s STANDING. Give his feet an angle or all of him an angle or stand him ON something. Leave the background alone–it’s great as is.

  29. TOOL says:

    Found this online and thought out Batman lovers might like it

    Also I know the post is closed but I am working on branching out in pose styles for some characters and I have one ready for viewing. I will hopefully have a few more action poses later tonight. Im trying different colors than I usually use too to a degree. See what you think?

  30. TOOL says:

    Okay here’s the other pose I was working on, also I got a last minute entry to the Gadgeteer type contest too thats a different type pose for me.

  31. Herr D says:

    @Tool: Good Shaolin pose. I would have kept that foot ‘against’ the leg instead of behind it. Not sure where it’s supposed to be.

    That glove on Parallax–it looks wrong. Mask away the cuff that sticks too far toward the body? The rest looks great.

    –and thanx for the BatBelt peek. Nice.

  32. TOOL says:

    I seen this OCD was still open so I thought Id throw some art out for your visual pleasure.

  33. JR19759 says:

    @Tool- Um, it’s not still open, I said it was closed about 3 weeks ago and people kept posting on it, so I just did reply. I don’t know how to close the comments on posts, but this thread is dead. Please don’t post anything else on here.