Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:
The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).
All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!
No limit to entries, but please, self-edit and only put up ones you genuinely think are good!
(Original panel © DC Comics, Inc.)
1: “I can’t see what I’m shooting through the noise of my gun!”
2: “Note to self: Buy silencer.”
3: “Hope the Joker gets a nice killcam from that!”
This is more fun than I thought it would be!
*Goodbye, bat-phone! No more roaming charges, no more unexpected fees.*
Riddle me THIS, jackass.
1. Dang! If guns cause crime, then mine is defective.
2. A bullet sounds the same in every language.
3. Stop moving around and ducking! You’re harder to hit.
4. Don’t run from a sniper! You’ll just die tired.
5. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.
1. “This hot Bat-Shell has melted itself to my Bat-Mask…Bat-Dangit.”
2. “Sorry Jason, but the readers voted.”
3. “Bat-pew! Bat-pew! Bat-pew!”
1: With this casing on my head, I can think like a bullet!
2: Bat-bullets don’t kill people, freaks in clown make-up kill people!
3: Robin must die! The Bat-fans voted on it…damn voting system.
4: …better run, better run, faster than my bullet!
5: If you can dodge a batarang, you can dodge a bullet, Damian!
“Little does Robin know, I’ve replaced my paintball gun with an actual rifle.”
“These clay pigeons are starting to piss me off”
“I should remember to watch The Deer Hunter when I get home”
With my new forehead-mounted Batscope, the second half of my rifle sights are no longer necessary.
New You Tube channel: FPS Batman!
or The Batman guest stars on tonight’s “Sons of Guns”!
or Batman & Green Arrow vs. Captain America & Hwakeye on Tonight’s “Super Top Shots”!
Normally I don’t do this buuuutttttt… Bam Bam Bam!!! Die Joker
I think this is enough practice, next target is Asreal. I’ll teach him to butcher my good name with poor fasion sence!
“Damn it, Robin! Quit moving!”
“Hey, this is much more fun than all those silly gadgets!”
“HAHAHA! How does it feel to be shot at by yourself, Bats?”
“This Batarang launcher works great!”
“I told you to drop that cookie!”
“I’m so lonely…”
1. “Holy crap, guns do this? Forget the utility belt!””
Rub a COD win in my face will ya? I’ll show those 14 year old kids…
“How come I didn’t spring for a newer gun?”
Tupac is right! This IS easier!
Phase one complete. Phase two: frame Lee Harvey Oswald.
Call me what you want, but this “Queer in tights” just put one between your eyes!
I had no idea that the don was going to ask me to do this…
I am Blam-men
I think that the gun sight just broke my nose.
1. “I don’t always use a gun, but when I do, I shoot to thrill.”
2. I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER LOVING CRAZIES IN THIS MOTHER LOVING CITY!
(aside: I believe a censor was appropriate for that one. Feel free to insert the appropriate words, for your reading pleasure. We shall now return to our scheduled program)
3. I miss the times when I had Frank Miller writing for me. I always had better one-liners…
4. Gotta be quick, before SEAL Team 6 gets here…
5. Why have I beeb using Batarangs all these years? Bullets are much cheaper…
no whammie, no WHAMMIE, NO WHAMMIE…
Man, these gang colors keep getting me into all sorts of trouble.
6. “Riddle me this, Nigma.”
7. “Note to self: thank Jayne for letting me use Verra.”
8. “I hate to admit it, but maybe the Punisher has been right the whole time. Why lock them up when they can get out again. At least Harvey won’t bother me again.”
9. “I called heads, Two-Face.”
10. “Should my one-liner be a pun, or ‘I’m the Goddamn Batman!’ ?”
Finally! My very own public access outdoors-man show!
Screw morals. Mimes creep me the hell out.
Damn racoons! Stay out of my garbage cans!
Oh crap, that wasn’t the scarecrow, that was just a regular scarecrow.. and that farmer looks pissed.
This is the 3rd cape those dry cleaners shrunk on me. NEVER AGAIN.
“Take that Osama!”
“Comics’ Code? HA!”
“Wait, how did I manage to shoot MYSELF with the nerf gun?”
“That’s right, the bat-gun shoots onamonapia, what now?”
“Out shine me will you Heath Ledger? Well I’ll make sure you never act in this or any other town again!”
“See you in hell joke- oops, just another innocent albino, damn that’s the third time this week.”
1)Take that Joe Chill
2)Wait that wasn’t Joe Chill…
3)Fine Joker…here’s me breaking my one rule
4)this carny games rigged
5)Die Jason Todd
6)You’d think I could afford a better gun
Strangely, it was a violent Batman video game that turned me into a cold blooded killer.
*There’s got to be a quieter way to put bat-tracers on people.*
1: I like it, but how will I ever fit this thing on my utility belt?
2: The Penguin was easy, but that hyperactive Riddler!
3: Right in the kneecap! Now for the Bat bayonet!
4: Take THAT, Parker! Now MY films will rule!
5: The Bat M-1 pulls a bit to the right…
6: Tell people how you got THIS scar, Joker!
7: Oops! Forgot the Bat-silencer!
8: Luthor won’t be running for re-election!
9: That’s the last contract I lose to Stark Enterprises!
10: Missed! Need to get a Bat-Scope for this thing!
11: There, Punisher, how do YOU like it?
Okay, time to wipe out the wanna-be’s. This is the end of the… Wait… I know those kids! Jason’s making me look… EVIL !!!
1. Wait Riddler has, I mean had brown hair right?
2. Damn white contacts, I can’t see a thing.
3.TAKE THAT SCHUMACHER!
4.WHOOPS! Bat-safety was off, well I can get another butler.
5. Huh, that’s weird. This gun fires lip-stick.
This new Bat-shark-repellant works great!
1. Clooney down… Kilmer to go.
“Goodbye, Justin Beiber!”
Nicely done, sir. I love the Firefly reference.
“Okay Superman, on your mark, get set, go. Let’s see how fast you really are.”
“Blam! What the heck happen to Bang?”
“Hi, I’m Batman and I support the NRA.”
“Thanks Ted, it is a nice rifle.”
“You didn’t know there was a Texas Batman did you?”
M1 Carbines rock, I love shooting mine. Never figured to see Batman with one.
Good, the movie’s over, now to shoot that little boy’s parents.
12: Screw the Lone Ranger, I can afford GOLD bullets!
13: NOW do you fear the night?
14: Ow! I need Bat Hearing Protection!
15: Sorry, Ace, but you should never have started sucking eggs!
16: No one must ever know how Bat-Mite died…
17: I’m never going hand-to-hand with Bane again!
18: What was I thinking, telling a reporter my secret identity?
19: They’ll blame the Joker for Batgirl getting crippled!
20: There’s more than one way to deal with crooked cops!
21: NOW try that Lazarus Pit, Ra’s!
22: That’ll teach you to tag the Batmobile, gangbanger!
Now that Robin’s seen me with a gun in my hands, I must kill him before he follows my example!
Only one entry from me: Bieeeeeeeeberrrrrrrr…!
Oh, one bonus entry: Jodie Foster better appreciate this…
Ring around the rosies, pockets full of posies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall — BOOM! headshot.
1. Darn…I must remember to have my eyesight checked.
2. I told Batgirl I don’t shoot blanks.
3. Maybe I am left handed.
4. This thing is loaded?
5. Rockin’ Robin
*Holy bat-crap, that feels good.*
I’d like to strike my number 6 (Riddle me this, Nigma) from the record for being too close to Dan’s entry. I didn’t see that before I posted. As such, I have a new one.
6. “I always wanted a pair of croc-skin boots…”
Don’t sweat it Corran. Yours might actually be the funnier of the two, anyway. I went too vague, and had to use potty talk for shock value.
Clark thought he was so funny, signing me up for this charity biathlon–little did he know I trained for two weeks as a boy with the greatest gun-fu masters of Hong Kong!
1. Casing from bullet…drilling into head…
2. A bullet casing in my head? I think I need a doctor.
3. That bullet casing flew into my head! It should be considered a lethal weapon just by that merit alone.
4. A bullet casing in my head? That’s the last time I’m borrowing anything from Moe.
1. 7-8-9-140. . . (Adam West style)
2. How did I forget to reload the belt?
3. Gunman has to seem alive–or the hostages– (my apologies, not actually funny, but only reason I can think Batman would USE a gun in comics–JH, what WAS the context here?)
4. –not real enough?. . .he doesn’t?
5. It was a boring conversation anyway.
1)Just cause Hasbro made an action figure of me with a rifle, now I have to actually be seen using my accessories.
2) Time for pay-‘back’, Bane…
3) Step one, successfully shrink ‘Bullet-Man’ with ‘The Atom’s technology. Step two…
(…freaking Dan. Best one yet. xD)
When Batarangs just won’t do…
“Damn pigeons crapping all over my best lurk and brood perches…”
Why does my mask have an air-hose?
1) Now those damn kids will stay off the Wayne Manor lawn!
1. Blam Pow Zowie!!
2) I hope Gotham’s criminal underworld never figures out that I’m addicted to carnival shooting games.
sh..! This is not a bat-gun
3) Diana has some crazy foreplay ideas, but “bullets and bracers in the buff!” is one I can get behind.
Why the shadow of painting is not covering my chest bat-logo?
4) This really does speed up crime fighting, I think I will make it home in time for Dancing with the Stars.
5) This Smith & Wesson endorsement deal sucks, but hey, Batmobiles don’t pay for themselves.
6) Hahahahaha!!! No Comics Code Authority!!! Hahahahahaha!!!
*Wonder Twin powers, DE-activate.*
Sorry Bat Signal Searchlight, but I have a date with Catwoman and she is feeling frisky tonight.
Faster than a speeding bullet you say?
Let’s see Clark Kent disguise his secret identity while being shot on live TV.
What part of dark, brooding, costumed, vigilante do you people not get?
That’ll teach ya not to shoot foam darts at Batman!
1. This was not what I had in mind when I said ‘date hunting’
2. You know the old saying, “When in The Punisher’s, Do as the Punisher does.”
3.”Damn, forgot the Bat-silencer.”
4. “Wait. This isn’t the camera!”
1. Like fish in a barrel.
2. Pew! Pew! Pew!
3. Hmm…maybe I should wear a red hood…
4. Riddle the Riddler with holes.
5. Like bats in a cave.
6. Like clowns in make-up.
But in my storyline it says I hate gun violence!
Not an entry, but somebody asked the context of this panel. After a bit of surfing, I discovered that this was from Detective #404, where Batman uses a rifle to shoot some dolphins carrying explosives for some nefarious plot or another! I thought that was bizarre enough to share.
Check out: http://sacomics.blogspot.com/2005/08/batman-and-guns.html
Bat credit card? Let’s see how you like a Bat bullet-in-your-brain Schumacher
What the–? What’s “MALB”?
That’s got to be about as ridiculous as an Amazonian deadly bee weapon.
I like this one.
You either die a hero, or… this.
BLAM… M like Mystery… That means Riddler is on the loose!
Don’t worry, Dent, I didn’t hit your good side.
“I love Croc hunting.”
2. “Joker always did say all it would take is for a good man to have a very bad day…turns out he was right.”
And they’ll all think the Joker shot you!!!!
bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam batman
6. And BOOM goes the dynamite!
Sorry couldn’t resist.
6 – Two more rubber duckies to go and Damian gets a new chew toy.
7 – This Duck Hunter game is possessed!…I’m winning but I’m not even pointing at the screen…
8 – If Mark Harmon can do this, the Goddamn Batman has no worries.
9 – Come on out BAY!! … No one messes with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
10 – With this quantum bullet, it’s time to bring back Firefly!
theres a bullet on my head!!!
take it off2x
Sorry Robin, But I have to put you down boy
Awesome Batman ’66 reference!
“This was I wont have to pay Batgirl. I gotta Free one”
“Alright Superman, Lets see if you can stop this”
This is what you get for ruining my killstreak, Joker…
List of accomplishments…#1 Selling comic, bagged Cat Woman without marriage, beat up Superman, Punked Guy Gardner….Kennedy!