The Fantastic Fruit of the Loons

This is Benjamin Grimm, also known as the ever-lovin' Thing, as he was originally envisioned by the great Jack Kirby and Stan Lee:

He's a man whose body has been unwillingly transformed into a hulking, rocky, inhuman form. His soul aches to be normal again, even while the world runs in fear from his tortured visage.

This is the common pineapple, also known as a tasty fruit snack:

Now, I have nothing against tasty fruit, and I have in fact been known to indulge myself in the tart goodness the beloved pineapple brings to the palette on more than one occasion. I also am a fan of The Thing, who brings some great pathos and tragedy to the First Family of Fantasticness.

However, these two worlds should not meet. I mean, Ben Grimm can eat all the pineapple he wants, he just shouldn't become one. Unfortunately, at some point Marvel missed that memo:

Oh, I know, he's supposed to be spiky and extreme, because if Image Comics taught us anything, they taught us that pointy is cool. But it doesn't come off as savage or wicked or awesome. It comes off like pineapple. And no one fears pineapples. Though maybe that's what Ben wanted, maybe now he can open his massive arms and cry "Hug me, I'm fruity!" and the people will love him at last!

If so, I fear he's in for yet more disappointment.

Look, if you're going to continue the cosmic ray-induced metamorphosis of Mr. Grimm, turn him into an orange. He's already that color, after all, so it's not that much of a stretch. But a pineapple? Please.

13 Responses to The Fantastic Fruit of the Loons

  1. Debochira says:

    I’d say he looks more like a pinecone.

  2. Dan says:

    With all of our bashing of the 90’s, we sometimes forge that some of the worst ideas came from the 80’s. Case in point, Pineapple-Thing. This was when they put the 2nd Ms. Marvel, (Not Carol, who was Binary at the time) on the FF to replace Sue & Reed, who left to join the Avengers…ya know what, forget it. I just bored myself.

  3. Myro says:

    You know what no one ever really considered when they came up with this idea, I’m betting? The decrease in flexibility that Ben would have when these spiky rocky bits bunched up. Nooooo…let’s now worry about how something works, just make it look cooler.

  4. Myro says:

    Err…now=not. Apparently comment editing doesn’t work anymore.

  5. Jeff Hebert says:

    Err…now=not. Apparently comment editing doesn’t work anymore.

    Yeah, I think the slideshow plugin has taken over the editing plugin.

    Should I just uninstall the slideshow one?

  6. ams says:

    @ Myro – If we are getting technical, the difference of flexability with flat rock and spikey rock is pretty slim. What I would like to know is did he not get spikes under his super briefs? The shorts are pretty stream-lined from the rest of his body. Ahhh, the magic of “unstable molecules”!

  7. Myro says:

    Jeff Hebert: Yeah, I think the slideshow plugin has taken over the editing plugin.

    Should I just uninstall the slideshow one?

    No, I like that feature. I’ll just try to proofread a bit more often. And more than likely, keep correcting myself in future posts.

  8. EnderX says:

    Sweet mercy, what did they do to his ears? Forget pineapple, that first ‘spiky-hided’ image makes it look like his head’s being eaten by a giant orange daisy! Either that or it’s sunken into his chest…not sure which is worse, actually.

  9. headlessgeneral says:

    Reminds me of Oglethorpe from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

  10. Mr.MikeK says:

    This was around the same time they turned Ms. Marvel into She-Thing? The Eighties were not exactly Marvel’s best design years. Many of the worst of the bad costumes section came from that decade.

  11. Mr. Q says:

    XD The pineapple comment made me think of Ben as Pineapple Pokopo from The Tick animated series.

    Mr. Q

  12. Doornik1142 says:

    I can kind of see what they were going for. One of the original things about the Thing’s character was that he looked monstrous and scary, so much so that people were freaked out when they saw him. Being all spikey, in theory, reinforces that “scary” undertone and makes him seem more menacing.

    So I can see why Marvel would say “Why don’t we try making him all spikey?” What I don’t understand is how they could look at the initial sketches of Spikey-Thing and say “Brilliant! Not ridiculous at all! Run it!”

  13. Frankie says:

    Who looks like a pinapple and wears blue shorts?


    Who looks like a pinecone and says it’s clobbering time?