Our Poll Position this week is the counterpart to our last question regarding movie girlfriends, and involves the following datable dilemma (click on the small images to hunkify):
All of these guys are bona-fide hunks, but let me run down the pros and cons as I see them. First, though, what's up with half the list being made up of guys named some variation of "Chris"? That's weird.
- Chris Evans' "Human Torch": The Human Torch is an immature asshole. Dating immature assholes is a mistake that I have no intention of making. Plus, who wants to date someone who, when dumped for cheating on you (as this guy surely would), burns down your apartment in a fit of pique?
- Chris Evans' "Captain America": Same guy, different role, different outcome. The movie Cap is a straight-shooting, honest, trustworthy, genuine guy. He'd never cheat on you, always treat you with respect, and would be easily entertained by easily obtainable 2012 gadgets like Bic lighters and cell phones. However, I question how much fun he'd be. Husband, yes, boyfriend? I dunno.
- Chris Hemsworth's "Thor": Holy Hannah is this guy a hunk. Boorish, chauvinistic, and violent, sure, but hunky. Plus, he likes nerdy girls, which is a huge plus. For a god he seems relatively trainable as a boyfriend, and did I mention he's a hunk?
- Christian Bale's "Batman": Already a dark, brooding character, Bale takes it to the next level. Sure, he's rich, but what's the point of dating a hot rich guy if he's never around at night to show off? Plus you'd be competing with the memory of his dead true love, which is never easy. Guys with a bit of darkness are cool. Guys who are entirely filled with darkness, not so much. He just doesn't seem like he'd be that much fun to go out with.
- Christopher Reeve's "Superman": The rugged good looks of some of the others, but with a softer physique and a gentler personality. Plus piercing blue eyes. He's a lovable Boy Scout with a heart of gold, inexperienced in love but clearly desperate to learn. He seems like a genuinely good guy on a personal level, like he'd remember to bring you flowers on his way to saving the world.
- Dean Cain's "Superman": A lof of the same assets as the Reeve portrayal, but with a more rugged body. However, and this is key, he already has a girlfriend. Never be the third wheel on a bicycle, girls, that's a great tip.
- George Clooney's "Batman": If you like your Dark Knight not quite so dark, with a rugged set of man nipples showing at all times and a devilish grin, this is your guy. Rich, handsome, and he seems like he'd be willing to take a night off every now and again to take you on an unforgettable date. Sure, he keeps a sexually ambiguous young boy in his house at all times, but who doesn't have some baggage?
- Robert Downey Jr.'s "Iron Man": Very cute without being intimidatingly beefy, incredibly smart without being condescending, obscenely wealthy without being classist, and possessed of an innate sense of style and fun. If it weren't for the drinking, possibly ideal boyfriend material.
- Ryan Reynolds' "Green Lantern": Granted, he's handsome in a girlish kind of way, and brave with all the flight testing and such. But at the end of the day he's a whiny emo pretty boy who I want to punch in the face.
I wanted to put Tobey Maguire's "Spider-Man" on here, but Poll Daddy was having none of it. Who am I to second-guess a powerful web site engine? If they won't have him, neither will I, by gum!
Out of that list, the most appealing to me is Christopher Reeve. Most of the other guys on the list either don't seem to really care about women at all or have some sort of debilitating psychological problem that would be a pain in the butt to handle. Reeve has a boyish charm to make that superhuman might less intimidating, and he'd literally move the world to take care of you. Now if we can just get that pesky Lois Lane out of the way he'd be the perfect match!
But what about you, who would you choose? Even if you're a guy, stretch yourself a bit and imagine being a girl, which character do you think would be the most appealing and why?
