Rocket Chafer

If your super power involves zipping along at extremely high rates of speed without the benefit of a canopy or windshield, leaving your nipples exposed is a Very Bad Idea::

And so the pernicious influence of Joel Schumacher on super-hero costume design claims another victim. Well, two victims, namely the severely wind-chapped nipples of Mr. Rocket Racer. That's probably why he looks so grumpy. Either that, or he really has to pee, and in his enthusiasm over cutting out nipple-holes he forgot to carve out a potty portal.

(Image and character ©Marvel Comics.)

16 Responses to Rocket Chafer

  1. Gero says:

    Schumacher is history’s greatest monster. George Cloony isn’t Batman, dammit

  2. Brad says:

    Therein lies the conundrum. You really don’t want your spandex fly down, ’cause there’s nothing left to cover you, but you don’t want to have to peel out entirely and squeeze back in either, now do you? No, especially not on the job.
    Must be another reason why I go for armor characters, or at least pants. Though there is potential for a parody story character…

  3. B. Clouser says:

    The idea that nipples should be exposed or at least part of the design is bad enough, but the fact that the nipples’ oval shape kills the stroke of the lines down his costume is even worse. He’s obviously a speedy character, so to have his racer lines blocked by freakin’ nips of all things is just a horrid design choice.

  4. Myro says:

    Rocket Racer, world’s greatest buyer of Vaseline? And owner of a Stadium Buddy? I’m just speculating.

  5. Watson Bradshaw says:

    yeah, that whole “men have nipples too” campaign never really took off! And Shumacher would have been so happy with this character if he got to *ahem* handle his source material.

  6. Mr.MikeK says:

    When I saw who it was I was shocked and appalled. I had the issue of Spiderman with his first appearance. Here’s the cover from that issue:

    I guess this is a case of when a bad character goes good his costume has to become bad to keep the balance of evil in his life.

  7. Me, Myself & I says:

    This costume isn’t beyond salvation really. A couple small changes and it would work out all right. Get rid of the nipple attraction and perhaps remove the antenna’s and your set.

  8. ajw says:

    Mr.MikeK I remembered that costume from brief looks in some spidey related compilations I was saddened to see him look like some erotic freak, and with awesome dreads no less!

  9. punkjay says:

    what is up w/ the horn thingies on his head

  10. Panner says:

    Yep, that costume is pretty horrible. If you imagine the nipples being eyes and that black patch being a nose, his torso looks like a mad, grinning pink panther. I can’t be the only one who sees this. It has eyebrows and everything!

    Anyway, forgive me for hijacking this post and sneaking in some bug reports, but no one is going to see them in the comments of old code update posts.


    Orphan toolbars

    Description: Abusing toolbar #0 creates toolbars without corresponding items.
    Severity: Very mild

    1. Start hm3a23 clean.
    2. Load Belt-Standard, switch to Multiples.
    3. Add three copies of the top left belt.
    4. Use the arrow on the toolbar to select belt 1.
    5. Use the X on the toolbar to delete the selected belt. The toolbar box will read ‘0’.
    6. Press the Undo button. The toolbar box will jump to ‘5’.
    7. Click the toolbar X button three times to delete all ‘proper’ belts. Toolbars 1 and 2 will remain and cannot be removed.

    More ‘orphan’ toolbars can be created by adding 2+ new belts, deleting the first proper one (number three the first time) and pressing Undo.


    Return of the Brick Wall

    Description: Deleting a masked-upon item gives the masked item a built-in Undo button.
    Severity: Negligible

    1. Start hm3a23 clean.
    2. Load Background-Standard, add a brick wall and set all its colors to red.
    3. Load Belt-Standard, add the top left belt.
    4. Click the background item to select it, mask it to the belt.
    5. Click the belt and delete it. A bugged mask of the background will remain.
    6. Save the file as ‘.a’ and load that file (works both with clean load and soft load). The full background item will be on the canvas.
    7. Delete the background item.
    8. Attempt to load Body-FemaleStandard. The selection will revert to Background-Standard and the background item will reappear. The new background is a proper item and the bug will not repeat itself if the item is deleted.

    To be more general, attempting to leave Background-Standard in step 8 appears to have the same effect as pressing Undo. It undoes a move, a color change, adding an item, etc.

  11. Reader Kate says:

    And why PINK? What happened to the poor guy that he traded a perfectly servicable red and yellow outfit for a pink outfit with nipples? Was it penance for his villainous background?

  12. Dan says:

    Forget about the horns, why does it look like he has a bunch of vaccuum hoses hanging off the back of his head? I think Marvel really dropped the ball back in the 90’s when they could have had their other black man/skateborder Night Thrasher hand this doofus his teeth. Imagine how great that issue would have been? The mind boggles at how they let that one slip.

    Speaking of doofus’s, here’s The Orb.

  13. Brad says:

    Boy, is he ever a looker.

  14. Myro says:

    Dan (12): I remember The Orb. I have a Ghost Rider episode with him in it.

  15. Devin Parker says:

    Perhaps he’s acquired a mutation, and his nipples will be revealed to be prehensile?

  16. punkjay says:

    @Panner: Now that you mentioned it i do see the pink panthe face! Where is klousoue when you need him?!?