Not exactly Angelic

Picking on the mutant X-Man known originally as Angel feels a little bit unfair, because let's be honest, you can't exactly get your clothes off the rack when you're sporting a huge pair of wings from your back. On the other hand, he's a millionaire, so I declare him fair game.

All I can say is, if I saw this flying overhead:

I'd declare Open Season on flying mutants just to protect America from being subjected to such a heinous costume. How can an outfit using most of the same colors as Superman's look so completely hideous? One word:


Can you recall ever being intimidated by anyone in a non-Deliverance fashion who was wearing suspenders? Seriously. My biggest worry would be that he might pull out some chewing tobacco and spit at me, or threaten to date his own sister. And the fact that they meet at his navel frankly makes me wonder just what they're holding up. Surely he doesn't need that much over-the-shoulder holding power just for those awkward 1950's style swimming trunks.

Also, it might be cool when you're five years old to cut up your older brother's tube socks to wear as handless gloves, but on a grown man (especially in this post-Flashdance era) it just looks ridiculous. I can just hear his theme song now:

I'm a maniac, MAAAAAAAANIAC,
In the skyyyyy-i-yyyy.
And these suspendered short-shorts pull my
stockings way up hiiiiiiiiggh.

Cap off this sartorial wonder with a hideous yellow-bellied color scheme (seriously, if you fly and have wings you should never wear yellow, or you deserve every "chicken" joke you get) and red stockings with combat boots and you quickly see why he's closer to fashion Satan than fashion Angel.