Caption Contest 77

With many and profound thanks to X-Stacy's girlfriend, we are back with another Caption Contest this week even though I already packed up all my comics! Apparently this paragon of womanly awesomeness enjoys taking the dialog out of bizarre comics panels, which in my book would make her perfect were I not married and she not taken. Alas!

Regardless, your challenge once again is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this (very!) random comics panel:

The rules are simple:

  • Leave your entry as a comment to this post;
  • You have one week, the finalists will be chosen next Monday;
  • Keep it clean, appropriate for a broadcast network late-night show.

I'll put up a poll next Monday with all the finalists for one week. The top vote-getter at the end of that time will receive his or her choice of either any one item, or a portrait, which will appear in the final HeroMachine 3 version.

Good luck everyone!

82 Responses to Caption Contest 77

  1. Avatar Fyzza says:

    Sweet! My Feet taste like Fried Chicken!

  2. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    @Jeff: How many entries are we allowed?

  3. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    I’m going to experiment with no limit this week, Danny. I may have to revise that if we get spammed with tons of lame entries — we’ll see how people do self-editing.

    Only submit GOOD ones, people! You don’t get extra credit for volume!

  4. Avatar Iago_Valentine says:

    “Curse you Aperture Science and your infernal devices!”

    Had to do it.

  5. Steve Martin always had “happy feet”. But no… not me!

    David Copperfield ever have this problem?

    Argh, phoot to phace!

  6. Avatar Fyzza says:

    Oh, so THAT’s why Lois never gave me foot massages.

  7. Firecracker Firecracker says:

    Not only do I have to smell my own phoot, but my feet as well!

  8. Avatar thejay says:

    “I wonder if this counts as masochism.”

  9. Avatar thejay says:

    “Wait! Can I even FLY without my feet?”

  10. Avatar Alex says:

    Stop kicking yourself!Stop kicking yourself!

  11. Avatar Alex says:

    Don’t you hate it when your feet detach and start kicking you in the face!

  12. Avatar ChrisN. says:

    “Curse you Dr. Dance!!!”

    “My dance instuctor never told me anything about THIS.”

    “Man, I wish I hadn’t taken this battle. I could just kick myself!”

    “So this is how the lasso of truth works, aromatic torture!”

    “You don’t see that but once an issue…”

  13. Avatar Niall Mor says:

    Well, ain’t that a kick in the head!

    I knew I never should’ve let Lois talk me into that yoga class!

  14. Avatar Alexander says:

    trick or treat smell my feet…

  15. Avatar Skiriki says:

    “I shouldn’t have told my butt that it is fat.”

  16. Avatar TopHat says:

    “I don’t even KNOW how this happened…”

    “I just know that if someone took a picture of this, it’d be taken out of contect”

    “Ack! Betrayed by my own SUPER-FEET!”

    “Oh man. I should have stayed away from my dad’s stash…”

  17. Avatar The Fish says:

    Not bad enough that I kicked myself in the head, but I just HAD to drop a Super-fart™ at the same time!

  18. Avatar luke says:

    1. i need to quit doing so many harry Houdini magic tricks
    2. thanks a lot Chris angel!!!
    3. Way to go enstien
    4. i really hate gravity!
    5. i need to quit doing my own stunts.
    6. man i never knew my legs were this long. i could do a cartwheel and kick Jesus.
    7.I’ve been doing these comics for so long and look what i get a kick in the face.
    @jeff choose which 1 u like best

  19. Avatar Fyzza says:

    Okay, who’s responsible for the coloring in this comic? Didn’t you idiotic excsuce for a man know that kryptonite is GREEN, not pink???

  20. Avatar SuperJoe1 says:

    “I hope I don’t get kicked in the face by my own…”


  21. Avatar Pyrate Hyena says:

    Note to self: Never play “Portal” again!

  22. Avatar evan says:

    no….wait…please….I control you now stop kicking…*oof* me…..ow…..please stop…..dangit why did lois leave me now instead of kicking myself in the butt im kicking myself in the face….darn

  23. Avatar Galactic Ketchup says:


  24. Avatar Oquies says:

    “I am a professional, don’t try this at home.”


    For a reference was a funny audio that was on Dr. Demento radio show.

    “I am super flexible too you know.”

    “I am going to kick your…arg.”

  25. Avatar Galactic Ketchup says:

    My top half is Marlon Brando and my bottom half is Ronaldo.

  26. Avatar Fyzza says:

    Which one’s this? Head over heels or heels over head? Who cares if it’s not PHOOT to the head??

  27. Avatar Phyrion says:

    “I can kick myself in the head, your argument has been rendered invalid.”

  28. Avatar Knitesoul says:

    – “Damn you, karma!”

    – “I know I have a split personality, but come on!”

    – “Hah! Now it’s 2 on 1 and wait, what are you doi-“

  29. Avatar Loki says:

    1. you know I’ve of ‘putting your foot in your mouth, but this is all most as ridiculous super ventriloquism…oh wait..I have that power.

  30. Avatar Loki says: know I’ve of ‘putting your foot in your mouth, but this is all most as ridiculous [as] super ventriloquism…oh wait..I have that power.

  31. Avatar kyle says:

    1.I like big butts and I can not lie
    You other brothers can’t deny

  32. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “When Wonder Woman asked if I wanted to get kinky,I didn’t imagine this”

    “I wonder if Lois will notice?”

    “When Batman said we needed to cut the Justice League roster in half,I thought he meant something else.”

  33. Avatar Captian Cool says:

    1) Fine I’ll be gentle next time!
    2) Not again.
    3) It was then, when Superman noticed, that his lower body. Was made out of Chuck Norris!

  34. Avatar Captian Cool says:

    4) Another photoshop attemt gone wrong….

  35. Avatar Captian Cool says:

    Why is everybody saying Phoot and not foot

  36. Avatar hadeel says:

    –Gahh!!! My feet are stronger than my mind!!!
    –Maybe this is why i never played tag as a child!
    — now thats why i always got caught cheating in football!

  37. Avatar RitoruBushi says:

    1) “I knew one day I’d have to kick my own butt because of this outfit”

    2) “Wonder Woman has gone too far with her kinkiness this time!”

    3) “Do I really ‘phoot’ every time I kick someone?”

    4) “By Krypton’s sun! My internal organs have been converted to solid Star Sapphire!”

  38. Avatar Oquies says:

    @Captian Cool #35: I was actually wondering that too until I read the picture. I was caught up too much in that silly looking picture to notice it at first. 😀

  39. Avatar Jericho says:

    1. Spree. It’s a KICK in the MOUTH!
    2. Kryptonite take you, super-spicy burritos! You’ve turned my lower bowels against me once again!
    3. This whole “find your other half” bit ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.

  40. Avatar Ian says:

    1. Aw man, I stepped in gum!

    2. This is the strangest game of Portal EVER!

    3. So THIS is how Darth Maul bought it.

  41. Avatar Connor says:

    “I’ve heard of ass-kickings, but this is too much!!!”

  42. Avatar Carew12 says:

    1). Damn, now what where the steps, Step kick twirl, no that’s ot right, twirl step kick *I can’t remember!*

  43. Avatar bert says:

    I guess Christopher Reeve wont be playing me in this movie.

  44. Avatar Tim says:

    BOOM! Tough actin, Tinactin!

  45. Avatar Tim says:

    Wow, I really hope this is just a dream…

  46. Avatar Tim says:

    Ouch! Good thing I didn’t splurge for steel toe boots.

  47. Avatar BNE says:

    Insert foot… oh wait, I forgot to open mouth!

  48. Avatar John says:

    1. How could DC Universe do this to me!
    2. Now I can kick Lex’s ass and punch him in the face at the same time.
    3. The doctor told me to lose weight, but C’MON!
    4. I bet Batman’s laughing at me right now…

  49. Avatar Tim says:

    …I do cocaine…

  50. Avatar remy says:

    “I told Batman I can’t eat kryptonite!”

    “Man…get drunk ONE time, and look what happens”

    “The things I wake up to…”

  51. Avatar Frankie says:

    *I knew yo-yo-ing between being Clark and being Superman had to give sometime.*

  52. Avatar Frankie says:

    *My mother never told that there would be days like this*

  53. Avatar Fyzza says:

    Please don’t feature this on ‘Superheros do the funniest things!’

  54. Avatar Frankie says:

    *At a time like this, I should be cursing. But then I think about the kids. What’s a super hero to do?*

  55. Avatar Alli Watson says:


  56. Avatar Alli Watson says:

    Damn you Chuck Norris! The awesome power of your roundhouse kick has turned my own legs against me!

  57. Avatar E_N says:

    “I let myself volunteer to do ONE! simple magic trick and look where it gets me.”

  58. Avatar Sefy says:

    Wow, I really need a diet!

  59. Avatar Miguel says:

    “Wait! How did this happen!? I’m smarter than this?”

  60. Avatar TopHat says:

    “Why did I try to do yoga after being cut in half?!”

  61. Avatar DudeyMcCool says:

    Wow, this guy isn’t half bad at kicking!

  62. Avatar Fyzza says:

    How many time have I told you, Wolverine? You cut with your CLAWS, not with a rope!

  63. Avatar superawesomecoolman says:

    1. Heh heh, i can still move my legs when they’re choppe-AAUGH
    2. Look! The places where i got chopped in half are glowing! I’m like a flashlight!
    3. where did that rope come from? WOAH! My legs just fell off!
    4. PHOOT? what kind of sound affect is that? And why did my legs fall off?

  64. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “I thought it said Photoshop,not Phoot-o-chop”

    “I’d like to see Dancing with the Stars try this move!”

    “On the bright side,I won’t have to miss any of the movie when I need to use the bathroom”

  65. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    1. I’m really beside myself today!

    2. Well, there goes my chance of ever becoming a father!

    3. How the hell did THIS happen!

    4. That’s not a lasso, it’s my LARGE INTESTINE! AAAAAAAAGH!

    5. This is the last time Salvidor Dali draws MY comic book!

  66. Avatar Decolda says:

    1. i could just kick myself… oh, i already am.
    2. Dear God no, i just stepped on dog crap!
    3. So thats were i left the salami
    4. how do i get tied into this mess
    5. Ahh, thats the spot
    6. this is what i get for trying to do a bicycle kick in football.
    7.I remember when i was a baby i used to love putting my foot in my mouth

  67. 1. Are you f—ing kidding me right now?!?
    2. THAT did not just happen.
    3. Is this really happening, or did the ‘shrooms just kick in?
    4. It’s spelled “foot”, dumbass!

  68. Avatar Grip says:

    1)My kick boxing lessons didn’t pay off!

    2)You stupid portal, I never meant of saying hit me you fool!

    3)Never knew this kick in was coming….

  69. Avatar Grip says:

    4)I believe I can fly,until I was kicked on the face in the sky!

    5)I danced to the beat, but got kicked by my feet.

    6)Criss Cross,Criss Cross your legs!! Ha Ha!Ha Ha!Criss Cross your legs!!

  70. Avatar Grip says:

    7)Wish I had a remote for my own legs….

    8)Caution: Sky Dance is highly dangerous when a hero like me of course.

    9)Never should of tried tying my body together!

    10)Doctor Doom,you said this device would work…wait DOC DOOM!!!!!

  71. Avatar Oquies says:

    “Legs: 1 Torso: 0”

    “There goes my better half.”

  72. Avatar Fyzza says:

    I’ve told you before, Batman. Cutting superhero’s in half WON’T get them to give you you’re wallets!

  73. Avatar Fyzza says:

    their wallets*

  74. Avatar Jedy says:

    1. I’m not drunk, but I’m legless.

    2. This is what a kick in the teeth feels like.

    3. Why did I agree to do a bungee jump?

  75. Avatar Rob says:

    1) I wonder if the Ministry of Silly Walks will like this one.

    2) Wait… This is the one-legged ass-kicking contest, and not the kick yourself in the chin contest? Oops.

  76. Avatar Flavaflav says:

    1.OW! I hope the ladies still love me….
    2.this is exactly the reason i dont trust ropes. they either give you diarrhea or cuts you in half! dont ask about the diarrhea….
    3.ha!now i can beat up people cut in half in half the time! oh wait a minute…

  77. Avatar Flavaflav says:

    Great! i try to be CHuck Norris and do a roundhouse kick and this is what happens! Maybe he really is god….

  78. Avatar Black Griffin says:

    1-My feet are killing me!

    2-one these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

    3-I bet this never happens in Marvel!

    4-Superman is currently experiencing technical difficulties

    5-in today’s economy budgets aren’t the only thing being cut in half

  79. Avatar jedy says:

    1. I knew I’d regret bunjee jumping.

    2. So this is what a kick in the teeth feels like.

    3. I’m not drunk but I’m definetely half cut.

  80. Avatar Grip says:

    Last)I didn’t understand what the barber meant about ,”My buzz cut device will cut your look(body) in half!”

  81. Avatar Grip says:

    (Lol sorry i have one more)

    Actual Last)Wow, pain never felt this good after losing a tooth!

  82. Avatar shempboogie says:

    top this David carradine!