Sports Illustrated it ain’t …

With heartfelt thanks to Chris Sims for burning out my retinas with his retrospective of the Marvel Swimsuit Edition comics of the morally turgid Nineties, I present to you what is possibly the worst costume ever. Anywhere. In this, or any conceivable universe:


Seashells on man-parts is wrong. Just wrong. Let's not even get into how staggeringly uncomfortable that thing must be to wear, with the ridges and the coral and the sharp bits ... man, talk about "shrinkage". ::shudder::

Here's how bad it is. It's so bad that just wearing it has turned Namor into a walking, noseless, undead mummy aqua-zombie. With incredibly viscous water oozing down his disturbingly ribbed musculature. It's either that, or the sight of his skimpy shell-Speedo got the local sperm whale a little too excited.

(Image and character ©1995, Marvel Comics, and the responsibility of Joe Quesada, who should be ashamed. Forever.)