Caption Contest 61: The whole truth!

Folks, your challenge for this week's caption contest (for which the winner will receive his or her choice of either any item they want OR a caricature of themselves to be included with HeroMachine 3) is not so much coming up with the funniest line to replace the missing dialog. No, the challenge is to come up with the funniest CLEAN line to replace the missing dialog that won't get your comment insta-banned!


The rules are simple:

  1. Keep it clean, appropriate for a prime-time broadcast network program;
  2. Only three entries per person;
  3. All entries must be left as a comment to this post.

That's it! You have one week -- next Tuesday I'll announce the winner right here at

Good luck!

(Image © DC Comics, Inc.)

76 Responses to Caption Contest 61: The whole truth!

  1. song_bird2103 says:


    2. Mommy wasn’t kissing Santa Clause, last night. I think we -both- know that, don’t we?

    3. You STOLE that chin from Ben Grimm. Do you deny it?

  2. remy says:

    1. Yeah, that’s him! That’s the man I saw naked in the phone booth!

    2. Sir, let me remind you that you ARE under oath. Even YOU have to pick up your dog’s poo! And this court does not believe in Super powered dogs!

    3. Face it superman! When you reversed time by flying around the earth at superspeed, you went back too far and now I, Lois Lane, is stuck with a four year old’s body again!

  3. dementedtheclown says:

    1.He touched dolly

    2.Thats the man I saw naked in the phone booth.

    3.Only you can prevent forest fires.

  4. dementedtheclown says:

    Damn Beat Me To It remy

  5. remy says:

    out of curiosity, what does the speech balloon really say?

  6. remy says:

    @dementedtheclown: muhahahahhahahahaha

  7. Blue Blazer says:

    Maury, he looks just like me! He is DEFINITELY the father!

  8. MartianBlue says:

    Where’d you dump the body? Where’s Dolly?

  9. MartianBlue says:

    Mr. Superman, Do you deny the fact, that you charged the citizens of metropolis a savior fee, prior to rescuing them from certain doom?

  10. MartianBlue says:

    Your a bad man!

  11. Danny Beaty says:

    1. Taking off the glasses doesn’t fool anyone!

    2. You’re sitting on my kryptonite!

    3. Sit up straight!

  12. Frankie says:

    “That’s not Superman! Superman doesn’t need to lean forward to hear what I’m saying.”

  13. Mike says:

    1. You, are my father!

    2. Thanks to Superman, I’m frozen in this position!

    3. Jury, let it be known that he, Superman, stole the last cheesy puff.

  14. Frankie says:

    “You’ve just been punked.”

  15. berserker says:

    1. why do you wear your underpants outside your pants?

    @remy it origanally says thats him! thats the man who killed my daddy!

  16. SPAWN says:

    He is not at all innocent. He killed my kitty!

  17. tristan says:

    1. what do you mean im not pretty!!!!!!
    2. ass face.
    3. You said i could be super girl.

  18. Loki says:

    1. “You see, Swuper mwan, the city didn’t wanna pay for ya lawyer, so ya gots me!”


    3.” My face is up here you pig.”

  19. Hammerknight says:

    1.”He’s the one that melted my ice cream.”
    2.”He’s the one that was out side of the my house looking at Mommy’s bedroom.”
    3.”Yes, we have proof that those are indeed underoos that he has on.”

  20. LoneWolf6155 says:

    Your honor, why is that man wearing pajama’s?

  21. Patrick says:

    You call Superman Returns a movie! I want my eight dollars back!

  22. John says:

    I would just like to point out for the record that this cover is the work of the legendary Neal Adams. Please note that it is relatively simple in it’s composition and layout, yet demonstrates a strong sense of place and character. I submit for the court’s pleasure that Rob Liefeld could never, ever, ever, EVER in a millionbazillionjumillion years duplicate a cover of half this quality. The first problem is that the two primary characters are shown with feet in full view. The second problem is that one of the characters is sitting in a chair. And the Rob-man don’t do chairs.

  23. 1. We cannot allow you to immanentize the eschaton!
    2. Representing the people of the State of New York the prosecution accuses Mr. El of exceeding the speed limit preventing citizens from moving faster than a speeding bullet, of ruining commerce by stopping powerful locomotives, and of endangering air traffic by leaping tall buildings in a single bound. As evidence I submit Article B: Larry Niven’s “Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue Paper.”
    3. Pull my finger.

  24. Steve says:

    1. Thats him sir. He’d the one who touched me in my no-no place…

    2. I say to you, it was Supermon who stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

    3. Hey Superman? Pull my finger!

  25. Rick says:

    Papa spanked!

  26. Danny Beaty says:

    @John: Amen, brother! Preach on!

  27. knight1192a says:

    1. I saw him leap a tall building in two bounds, not one like he claims!

    2. And that’s not a cape, it’s just a towel you took from the hotel!

    3. He knocked my the cone when he flew by. And it was the last scoop of double mint chocolate they had too!

  28. creator says:

    how DARE you say it is rude to point!!!!!!

  29. Tim says:

    “Seriously Superman, what is up with that cellophane S?”

  30. TopHat says:

    1.I put it to you,that you are not ‘super’ and instead just ‘really great’.

    2.As Darkseid has just stated,Superman DID intrude on Apokalips.

    3. I saw the old comic covers Superman.Why didn’t you stop Hitler jerk?

  31. Jose Inoa says:

    1] You fibb! Daddy was NOT the Purple People Eater!

    2] So! You used HEAT vision instead of X-RAY vision!

  32. Amathakathi says:

    1. He stole my blue tights!

    2. He used his x-ray vision on me!

    3. He hit my uncle Lex!

  33. PCFDPGrey says:

    1. Yes, your honor, this is the man who cut the cheese.
    2. You did a doody!
    3. Don’t you think that the whole ripped muscles, tight spandex and wearing your jockeys on the outside isn’t just a LITTLE homoerotic?

  34. kingmonkey says:

    “I saw what you did in that phone booth. Dr. Wertham was right about you, all along!”

  35. Hakoon1 says:

    1) Spilling grape juice over these poor people was neither clever nor funny!

  36. Aaron says:


    2)He’s an illegal Alien

    3)Are you my mother?

  37. haydnc95 says:

    1) look into my eyes, look into my eyes, dont look around the eyes, look into my eyes, Your under …

    :/ yeah, crud i know, best i could come up with :

  38. Rickss says:

    1. Sit straight, Mr. Superman!

    2. I ask the court to kill this man in the electric chair!

    3. Those people are purple because of YOU!

  39. kyle says:

    1.what do you mean batman is my real daddy?

    2.Simon says lean forward

    3.liar liar pants on fire

  40. Matt says:

    1. Okay Superman, show me on this doll where Lex Luthor touched you.
    2. Your case doesn’t look good Superman, if that is your REAL name.
    3. So let me get this straight, you can fly, have super strengh and can shoot lasers from your eyes… You’re right, the defendant is insane.

  41. Niall Mor says:

    Look, Mommy! He’s wearin’ his underpants on the outside!

    Look, Mommy! Superman’s gonna hurl!

  42. Matt says:


  43. Johnny says:

    1.kitty is not a chew toy for Krypto the Super dog
    2.did or did you not put your hand in the cookie jar?
    3.the cow didn’t get thrown over. he jumped over it

  44. kyle says:

    1.Simon says lean forward
    2.why is you hair blue,why do you wear your underwear on the out side,why,why ,why not a little girl,im actually 30 i just have a baby face that’s all.

  45. Nancy says:

    “I don’t know what she means, but Mommy said THIS man had her at ‘Hello’.”

  46. Nancy says:

    “Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose! You’re it!!”

  47. Nancy says:

    “You need a time out Superman!”

  48. darkvatican says:

    “Don’t let my youthful appearance fool you. I’m actually 6 yrs old!”

  49. the creator says:


  50. DarkFalcan says:

    That’s him! thats the man who ate my gerbil!!!!!

  51. Super-Vince says:

    «Look look, this man with ugly clothes and too many freezes in the cheek!»

  52. Super-Vince says:

    scuse me, bad traduction ><‘

    «Look look, this man with ugly clothes and too many freezes in the forelock!»

    scuse me!

  53. Matt says:

    @Nancy(47): Lol! Reminds me of SuperNanny (or Nanny 911 in america) every time.

  54. Black Griffin says:

    1-Yes your Honor, the defendant did attack me at my birthday party. he said he was looking Lex Luthor…my name is Lexi Luthor…

    2-You’re a fool superman, I am Lex Luthor!!!

    3-Mr….Man…you stand accused of using steroids and, while under the influence of these substances, Attack a model citizen, Lex Luthor…Now Mr. Man, your not a professional athlete, so i can’t see how you can get out of this..

  55. Kyle says:

    1. “He’s the man that left dolly to burn in the apartment when I clearly said I didn’t want to go without her.”

    2. “You melted my ice cream cone with your laser eyes!”

    3. “He ruined my vocals solo when he came crashing into my daddy’s studio!”

  56. Bixlord says:

    And after getting into the van, there was neither candy nor puppies.

  57. Bixlord says:

    It’s nice to finally see you in a chair without wheels.

  58. Bixlord says:

    Are you, or have you ever been a communist…please keep in mind sir, I own Red Sun.

  59. Xstacy says:

    Why couldn’t you just hurl Doomsday into outer space instead of destroying Metropolis? Again?!

  60. sabetoonth says:

    1)to quote a congressman
    YOU LIE!

  61. sabetoonth says:

    2)which came first, the chicken, or the egg?

  62. sabetoonth says:

    3)am i wearing unerwer?!

  63. thejay says:

    1. Behind you! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
    2. Daddy!!!!
    3. That’s right! He said he was all about truth, justice and the american gay!

  64. berserker says:

    thats the man who tried to touch me in a bad spot!! too bad he didn’t know i was a boy 😀

  65. Deadpool421 says:

    1.Thats Him Mommy, Thats The Man Who Touched My Naughty Place

    2.The D.N.A. Tests Show… That You Are The Father Mister Kent!

    3.Mister Kent, You Stand Accused Of Knocking Mommy Up And Leaving Her For That Lois Lane Lafy

  66. Deadpool421 says:

    1.Thats Him Mommy, Thats The Man Who Touched My Naughty Place

    2.The D.N.A. Tests Show… That You Are The Father Mister Kent!

    3.Mister Kent, You Stand Accused Of Knocking Mommy Up And Leaving Her For That Lois Lane Lady

  67. Xstacy says:

    Look, he’s Clark Kent! Why don’t the rest of you SEE that?!

  68. ninjast4r says:

    This deadbeat owes me $600 in back-rent!

  69. RitoruBushi says:

    1) That’s him, Your Honor! He’s the big stinky meanie what stole my big lollipop!
    2) *whispers* Superman, I think the judge is trying to check out your backside!
    3) *whispers* Psst! You gotta boogie hangin’ from yu’r nose!

  70. Meg says:

    1. When I was at little Ricky’s birthday party, that wasn’t you, that was his crazy mom! Therefore, I hereby charge you with negligence and breach of contract!

    2. Now, in a moment, the baliff is going to bring you a dolly. Would you please show us, Mr. Superman, where the bad man touched you?

    3. I charge you, Superman, with willfully turning the jury purple!

  71. Hakoon1 says:

    2) Don’t sit up! You might bash your head on the title!

  72. Danny Beaty says:

    @Meg: I remember that episode of I Love Lucy.

  73. Nathan says:

    That’s the man who put my Daddy in jail!

  74. Frankie says:

    “Where did you think you were coming to? A tea party?”

  75. Rifter says:

    “If the glove doesn’t fit; then you must acquit!!!”

  76. HalLoweEn JacK says:

    1. Do YOU know where the bathroom is?
    2. He’s the one who stole Christmas!
    3. Tip! You’re it!