Poll Position: HULK SMASH!

The "Rogue Superman" question seemed to go over, so we'll jump to the other side of the Comic Book Publishing world and pose the same question about another high-powered fellow:


Discussion after the jump.

First of all, I think the issue of time is key on this one. With the Superman question, you didn't have to rely on immediate action. You could have a Batman or a Doctor Doom plan ahead for the confrontation, but in this one you've got a crisis on your hand that needs solving right away. I think that changes things significantly. Having said that, let's take a look at the options.

  1. Batman: Everyone was keen on Batman vs. Superman, but I wonder how enthusiastic they'll be now that we're talking about something you haven't seen in comics before. The Hulk has no kryptonite-like vulnerability to exploit here, so I question how effective Bats would really be. All the cleverness in the world doesn't help if you're flattened by a building, you know? Still, he IS The Goddam Batman, you'd think he'd be able to come up with something.
  2. Green Lantern: If I were GL, I'd create an air-tight bubble around Hulk and wait for his oxygen to run out. I don't know if he needs to breathe or not, though, so that might not work. Barring that, I don't know if Hal's willpower is stronger than the Hulk's rage. I suppose he could fling the Big Green Hitting Machine into outer space, but I bet Hulk could tag him with a big chunk of rock before they got too far up. Should be an interesting fight, though.
  3. Hellboy: Guy gets his own movie sequel, he earns consideration on these mighty questions. Frankly, I think Hellboy gets his ass kicked in this fight, magic stone fist notwithstanding. Maybe he could put Hulk's eye out with his stogie first, though.
  4. Iron Man: I know Tony has had to go up against Hulk in the comics before, and as I recall it didn't go well. Stark's problem is that he's a genius, but his fights are always about brute strength. It's an odd combination. But I don't think any purely technological solution is going to beat an angry Bruce Banner.
  5. Juggernaut: I bet this fight would be really, really dull. Unstoppable force and immovable object and all that. But ultimately I think Hulk would be able to rip that magical helmet right off his head and it'd be all over but the smashing.
  6. Martian Manhunter: I left Superman off the list on purpose because, let's face it, Supes can do anything. But the Martian Manhunter is an often-overlooked Superman substitute, and I'd be curious to see what he could do. He's clever, but that fire vulnerability is a Bad Thing when Hulk's rampaging through a major metropolitan area with all those yummy gas mains. Still, I think he'd have a shot.
  7. Mister Miracle: I put Scott on here purely for his cleverness. I know that given enough time he could devise a fiendish trap that would keep the Hulk either bottled up forever, or get him so confused he'd turn back into Banner, but I don't know if in this scenario he'd have the time to put together something like that. On the other hand, as the Master of Escapes, at least he'd stand a good chance of getting away once he failed.
  8. Thor: I'm sure someone will fill me in if (as I'm sure it has) this has come up in the comics before, but I'd love to see what Thor would do against Hulk. In terms of pure strength he's probably the mightiest guy on the list; I just don't know if brute force is enough to get this job done, you know?
  9. Wolverine: No chance. Love ya, Logan, but you'd be well advised to sit this one out at a bar, even if you'd eventually heal from the massive beat-down you'd be getting.
  10. Wonder Woman: I don't think anyone really knows just how powerful Wonder Woman is, but let's be frank. The only interesting thing about this matchup is whether or not Hulk could break that magic lasso. I'd also like to see him fling a mountain through the Invisible Jet which, for my money, is one of the stupidest super hero devices ever.

So given all that, after due deliberation (and demands for a raise from whoever's hiring me to make these decisions), I'd probably have to go with ... Thor. When all else fails, keep a god in your pocket. At least, that's my motto. But I don't know if I'd put money on it, Hulk's pretty much an elemental force of nature.

Who would you pick? And be prepared to defend your answer!

18 Responses to Poll Position: HULK SMASH!

  1. DJ says:

    I have to Martian Manhunter. if I recall he can shapeshift right? All MM would have to do is turn into Betsy and Hulk would calm down.

  2. Jeff Hebert says:

    Interesting point, DJ. I’d almost forgotten about MM’s shapeshifting. Plus he has telepathy, although there’s not much mind there to read. He does have a nice power set, though, you could do some clever things with it.

  3. Frankie says:

    I’d go with J’onn. He’s more powerful than Superman, he has enogh powers to help him defeat the Hulk.

  4. Collex says:

    Well, Wolverine first appeared in a Hulk comic, and there is an animated movie coming out which is about Wolvie VS Hulk. Maybe he could stand a chance.

    I’ll go with Thor too. He is probably the most powerful put there, and as far as I know, what happens to a Hulk hit by lightning is what happens to everything else.

  5. kryptkal says:

    This is an interesting question because the Hulk HAS faced many of these people in the past, and beaten them.

    Hulk and Juggernaut are evenly matched, they have never been able to beat the other one and so they just left it be.

    Same goes for Thor, although that hammer of his can really give Hulk a bad time, but ultimately the Hulk can take it.

    People have tried a force field around Hulk to cut off his air or something (Invisible Woman), but he is always able to break free by crushing it or something, besides his stamina is as infinite as his strength so he doesn’t pass out easy.

    Although Wolverine’s claws CAN actually cut through the Hulk’s skin, Hulk’s healing has always healed him faster than Wolveirne could hurt him. After all, he once had his entire skin flash-fried off and he healed completely in a matter of seconds. Then there’s the fact that Hulk can break Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton. So I’m not betting on the claws.

    Finally, as far as telepathic attacks via J’onn, Hulk has a natural immunity to mental manipulation, so taking control of him or knocking him out with telepathy is VERY tricky and short-lived.

    All that said, I’d go with Martian Manhunter because even though he couldn’t beat him physically or mentally, you’re right he could morph into Betty Ross or something and trick the Hulk into calming down somehow. Besides, J’onn is still pretty strong so he could hold his own against Hulk.

  6. EnderX says:

    Given that everyone seems to be relying on the ‘Martian Manhunter Shapeshift’ factor to stop the Hulk, I’d like to point out that there are a couple of weaknesses to it. J’onn couldn’t risk transforming where the Hulk could see him doing it, and anything that caused his concentration to waver would cause the Hulk to get even angrier.

    I base this off of a canon event where the Chameleon, disguised as Rick Jones, gained the Hulk’s assistance in one of his crimes. Upon being revealed, I believe the Hulk’s turn of phrase was something like “What No-Face do with Rick?!”, followed by an attempted beatdown.

  7. William A. Peterson says:

    J’onn isn’t a bad choice, but don’t sell Mister Miracle short!
    Now, before you laugh, think on these two words: “Mother Box”!
    Now, think on these two: “Boom Tube”!
    Dropping Hulk on Apokolips might not qualify as ‘stopping’ the rampage, but it will put it somewhere where it would be taken as “Business as usual”!
    My choice is still Green Lantern…
    Never mind the force bubble, just pick him up with a big pair of Force Field hands, and toss him into orbit!
    Nothing for the Hulk to ‘bust out’ of, and Hal can bring Bruce back down when the air runs out…
    Also, remember, Hal’s Willpower is as high as Superman’s STR (in the DCH RPG, anyways), which makes his constructs a LOT stronger than Sue’s Force Fields!

  8. The Icedaemon says:

    Simple answer? Green Lantern or Iron Man. Simply lift the big green loon up with telekinesis or a tractor beam and find a way to get him to cool down before you run out of juice. Not sure if Iron Man’s armour has a tractor beam, but I would bet it can always be incorporated. As a tractor beam is not a physical something a’la energy field, the Hulk cannot simply break it apart and lacks aerial propulsion and ranged attacks.

  9. odie says:

    i say juggernault has the greatest chance u mistaken about the helmet it just protects him from mental attacks his power is magical and not gifted to him from the helmet n old mean grean can heal faster then wolvie ive seen in 1 comic book him recover from being incinerated to the bones in 3 panels and have a whole blasted through him in 1 so thors ligntning is out plus hulk has and can pick up his hammer

  10. John says:

    Y’gotta do it by slipping behind the Hulk’s superior physical strength. You just can’t go head-to-head with him without significant collateral damage. (Thor, I’m lookin’ at you.) Can J’onn J’onzz control minds with his telepathy? If Prof. X were on this list, he’d be my man. Just perform a little telepathic/telekinetic surgery on Banner’s brain (lobotomize him, essentially) and you’re done. Makes me wonder why they’ve never done that before.

  11. Bael says:

    Batman has done it once before, though he couldn’t repeat it. Green Lantern could be good, but he feels it when his constructs are hit, so it comes down to Hulk’s rage vs. willpower. I don’t really know much about Hellboy, Mister Miracle, or Wonder Woman. Thor is a good candidate. Iron Man usually comes off second best against the Hulk, including the last time, in the World War Hulk thing. Wolverine’s record against the Hulk is about even, though he lost the most recent round. Juggernaut has beat the Hulk in the past, and probably would again. For my money, on this list, I’d go with the Martian Manhunter. He’s as powerful as Superman, who has consistently won against the Hulk. And telepaths have consistently failed against the Hulk.

  12. Collex says:

    Well, if Thor doesn’t work, I’m going to call the japenese so they can lend us Sangoku. Even the Hulk could not resist this totaly ridiculous discharge of “energy”.

  13. Jester says:

    I’m going with Thor. I know the Hulk gets stronger and stronger the more frustrated he gets, but Thor’s a god. The dude is a god. Thats gotta count for something. And besides, how many super-charged magic thunder-hammers to the head can a person (even a hulk-person) without being knocked slightly unconsious. We’d need someone who could take out the Hulk in as few hits as possible (as to not give him the chance to bulk up too much).

    However, to combat my own opinion, I do remember a scene in some animated Avengers movie (don’t remember the movie, but I remember the scene) in which the Hulk tries to pick up Thor’s hammer (which only Thor is supposed to be strong/powerful/godly/blonde enough to do so), realises he can’t and gets frustrated to the point were he becomes strong enough to pick up and chuck it.

  14. DJ says:

    Thor was MADE to defeat Hulk so he would be my second choice probably.

  15. God Of Plague says:

    I vote the god of thunder Thor.

    Man Hunter would be my second choice.

    As for boom tubing him to apocalypse if Darkseid found a wayto make the hulk cooperate, and I am fairly sure darkseid would be more than a macth for the hulk… well then he just got the ultimate WMD.

  16. God Of Plague says:

    Wait if it’s The Adam West Batman no doubt he has a can of Hulk Repellant = instant Ownage!

  17. johnathon says:

    i would of got superman but it was not on there and i dont thank any of them people can put the hulk down and if they did than the hulk triped or something.