UPDATED: This contest is now closed, and the winner is Hades! You can see the final panel here; thanks for the great entries, everyone. If you want to try again, Caption Contest 2 is now underway!
How would you like to show the world how smart and witty you are, be entitled to call yourself (in whatever minor way) a comic book writer, AND win your very own drawing, all at the same time? Thanks to the Miracle of Science, now you can!
Here's how it works.
Look at the following panel from an actual published comic book and write new dialog. Leave your entry (or entries) in the comments to this post, and next Tuesday I'll pick the best one. The winner will get a free black and white illustration from me -- nothing too fancy, nothing too involved, but the kind of thing you might find as a spot drawing in a gaming book, for instance.
Entries can be smart, snide, snarky, silly, or any other "s" adjective you can name. There should be dialog for each word or thought balloon, and you need to identify which character is saying what. For instance:
Priest: Ah, I see you've discovered the new "Automatic Penance Dispenser Mark 5!"
Armored-up Hero Guy: Why yes, Father John, and I now see how wrong it was of me to make fun of that OB/GYN yesterday, these stirrups are rough!
Priest: That's great, but by all that's holy please don't tell me what that silver rod in your hand is for ...
I look forward to seeing what you come up with! And please, write like it's for broadcast TV (only, you know, good) -- no blatant sexual stuff, no "Nine words you can't say on TV", no hate speech, etc.
(Image and characters ©1996, DC Comics, Inc., "Firebrand", issue 2.)
Salesman – “…so what do you think of the new and improved Super Seat 3000.”
Plumguy – “I don’t know, will it really build and tone even my super muscles in just minutes a day?”
Salesman – “Absolutely, and we have a 30 day in lair money back guarantee . The Fortress of Solitude has two.”
Top Caption: “No, STOP! Get out of the Time-Rowingmachine! I’m not your Father– I’m YOU!”
Middle Left Caption: “If you don’t believe me, note that I have your very own Transtemporal Belt-Buckle Communicator Unit, from which my voice now issues. Ah– I can see by the stunned– the very stunned– look on your face, that you begin to believe.”
Right Caption: “It was imperative that I say nothing before now, the very moment of your transtemporal relocation! You can stop the insanity now– SIT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!”
Professor Korrektpolitik (top left): Purpleman! Don’t use the Megatrainer! Don’t lift those weights!”
Purpleman (left caption): Why not, Prof? I have to keep myself ripped at least four times per day or I won’t be ready to defend the world. You know the Purple Ray is inoperative for another week. Why stop? WHY?”
Professor: Because Princess Pneumatika is behind the weights and she forgot her costume in the change room. This is a Comics Code mag…”
Black suited guy- Whoa! This isn’t Steak n’ Shake
Golden Armored guy- No! Now you have discovered my evil lair. You probably found out about my nefarious lot to take over the world right?
Black suited guy- …Can you tell me where Steak n’ Shake is?
(edited version)
Black suited guy- Whoa! This isn’t Steak n’ Shake
Golden Armored guy- No! Now you have discovered my evil lair. You probably found out about my nefarious plot to take over the world right?
Black suited guy- …Can you tell me where Steak n’ Shake is?
BLack Suited Guy: I thought Chuck Norris was supposed to be endorsing the Bowflex again?
Purple Hero: After that fiasco with Mike Huckabee, they decided a Super hero endorsing it would be more believable!
Black Suited Guy: I’m Ron Popeil and I endorse this message and this product!
Priest: Whoa! Where is my altar boy? I made a special call to the office to have him meet me here!
Hero: Wow! They misunderstood. They thought you asked for Altered Boy! Sorry, for the mix-up.
Priest: Weeeellll, since you’re here…
YAY YOU USED MY IDEA!!!
Priest: Woa look at those leg muscles, gow fast can you run???!!!
Captain Ponytail:Dude, I run so fast, I can even beat a Kenyan in a race!!!
Priest: IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suited Man: Hey, I’m next to get on. And do you have to wear the suit, too? I’m not too into purple…
Captain Exercise: You don’t have to, but I like how the vinyl keeps all my sweat in.
Suited Man: So that’s what the squeaking noise is…
Suit: Welcome to Morty Goldstein’s Cut-Rate Circumcision: If I miss, you’ll still have a ball! Ah, I see you’re testing out the Insan-o-Bris 9000!
Hero Guy: So I just sit here and let ‘er rip, so to speak, eh? What’s this lever do? *gouge, stab, slice, rend* Ay-yi-yi!
Suit: Ach, put some ice on it and it’ll be fine! The girls love it!
MIB (Man in Black): Yo! Wassup!
MIP (Man in Purple): Nothin’ Just working the quads… havin’ a Bud.
MIB: True. True.
MIB (Man in Black): Aha! You shall now be captured by my Amazing Metalmorphing Deathbot!
MIP (Man in Purple): Wha… you mean this is not a weight machine, but your cleverly disguised morphing mechanical henchman?!
MIB: Don’t pull his finger!
Salesman: WAIT! You’re not the trained professional to test that machinery! Whatever you do, don’t pull that lever!
Hero: Obviously, you don’t recognize me! I am Lupis Masterson, stuntman extraordinaire! Believe me, there hasn’t been a single thing that I haven’t been thrown from, burned by, turned over in, you name it, until THIS! *STRRRRRIP!!!* AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Salesman: Tsk, tsk. I told you so. NURSE!
Salesman: So… What do you think of Bowflex’s new product?
Super guy: Its great but one thing….How much does it cost?
Salesman: Well I can give it to you for half price if you take my wife along with you.
MAD SCIENTIST: “Wait! The nanobot enhancer isn’t ready yet. i still have to run through a testing phase.”
CYBORG: “Doc, what’s it matter? I can’t get any more screwed up. besides, I gotta do something. You’ve had me locked up down here for months. I’m going stir crazy. Let me outta here so i can go bust some heads.”
MAD SCIENTIST: “You’re not ready yet, bruce. Sure, physically everything’s fine, but ….
Well, let’s see how those tiny little mechanical bugs are doing in there, shall we?”
Black Suit Scientist — NO! my machine is not ready yet!!
Armored Guy — What’s this lever do? *Pulls*
*Chakunk*
Black Suit Scientist — It creates foreheads in the bottom right corner…..