I have uncovered the first hidden treasure in the Great Random Comic Book Pile — behold the insane awesomeness that is … Prince Chaos!

I’m tempted to love the mutton chops, or maybe the fur fringed, plummet-to-the-navel neckline, or even the strange hash marks all over the ruby red outfit. But I’m going to have to go with the tiny “Kilroy” type face peeking up from his crotch as my absolutely favorite bit of this ensemble. I like to think that in some future issue, this tiny man will get his own dialog, which, believe me, will rock.

The character is from issue number 13 of “E-Man”, by First Comics. The original run of the series was artist Joe Staton’s first big-time gig, and has a frenzied, crazy, “somebody’s high” vibe that’s hard to describe. For instance, the first few issues are narrated by a ghostly Albert Einstein. I am not making this up.

Staton later went on to work on Green Lantern during the years I was collecting it, and now that I have read E-Man I can see why they’d give him that assignment. GL’s crazy ring-inspired creations (giant irons swatting villains, enormous glowing jackhammers digging out a mine collapse, catcher’s mitts galore) are a lot like the various forms into which E-Man contorts his energy body. In just this one issue, for instance, he turns into a life-preserver with a duck head, a bouncing toaster, and a freeway overpass.

Again, I am not making this up.

In that kind of context, I suppose a mind-controlling, space-traveling, fur-clad, tiny-crotch-man-wearing lunatic actually seems pretty normal.

(Image and character © 1984, First Comics, Inc., E-Man, Volume 1, No. 13.)

I don’t know what Grodd’s been smoking there in Gorilla City, but he certainly doesn’t look like a mind-controlling, world-dominating super-intelligent ape to me in this picture:

But whatever it is, I bet he got it off of Angar the Screamer. That’s the kind of crossover I think any self-respecting love child can endorse. Peace, happiness, and evil; the sixties live again, my friends!

If I can take pride in one thing about this blog, it’s my documentation of the ability of comic book creators to find inspiration in the objects lying around their drawing tables, from Ramen to calculators. And also in showing how various characters are actually based on beer. And in my math skills, because that’s more than one thing, despite my opening sentence. I blame all the alcohol and Ramen on my desk.

Nonetheless, I think you’ll agree that “Captain Fear”:

is nothing more than the non-drunken brother of another, more famous Captain, who has been known to actually make people fearless in barrooms across this great nation:

Clones, twins, or just two guys who have the same tailor? I report, you decide!

(Captain Fear image and character ©1985, DC Comics, Inc. “Who’s Who” Volume 4. Captain Morgan image and character ©2007, Captain Morgan Rum Co.)

Just like a drummer can create a wide range of sounds by hitting different varieties of the same instrument with a stick, super-heroes can do the same by pounding on different parts of an enemy’s body with varying limbs. For instance, if you snap a demon’s spine with your hand, you get “Fwak-tchh”, but doing it with your foot gives you “Fruntsh”:

Making beautiful music like this isn’t as simple as it seems from the outside; you’ve got to know the acoustic properties of a whole slew of enemies’ body parts, and how they interact with your own arsenal of weapons. I’m pretty sure the characters in “Battle Tide II” (Deathstrike Headsmasher and Crushnuts Bootiewhooper, or something like that) had to take, like, at least a semester of music appreciation before they were allowed into Battle, much less Battle II.

(Images ©1993, Marvel Comics UK Ltd., “Battle Tide II”)

I like a villain who starts out cold and refreshing, and finishes smooth. A villain who looks great as-is, but even better with a slice of lime. A villain you can kick back on the beach watching the sun go down with while swaying in a hammock. A villain like Dos Equis (”That’s DOCTOR Double X to you, pal!”):

My favorite part of this beer-themed villain is that the actual Double X is an invisible energy being given life when the original Single X went nutso. Invisible friends? Check. Maniacal leer? Check. Insanity? Check. Yeah, this guy is definitely based on beer. Other super powers? Powerful projectile vomiting, devastatingly inappropriate remarks to nubile coeds, and the ability to crash on anyone’s couch at a moment’s notice.

(Character and image ©1985, DC Comics, Inc., from “Who’s Who” volume VI.)