Weekend Open Critique #H4

The Weekend Open Critique is now open. A request was made to have Open Critique on the weekend for the people that work during the week. This will also allow me to doing the contest judging on Sundays so I can get them ready to post on Mondays. So enlighten us with the wonders of your art and we will make you wonder with our enlighten critique. Say what you may, but say it in a nice way.

About Hammerknight

I may not be the best with grammar and spelling but I try. And I don't mind having my mistakes pointed out.

23 Responses to Weekend Open Critique #H4

  1. Two original characters. The sith woman, Darth Genevere was originally supposed to be the main enemy in a RPG, but the game was put on hold and never finished because of lectures, essays and over-all studying we had to do. However, I liked the character and came up with a bit of a background for her, which included her jedi lover, Retto…
    http://www.shoutwiki.com/w/images/fi.swfanon/b/ba/RettoVS.Genevere.png

  2. Dionne Jinn:
    http://www.shoutwiki.com/w/images/fi.swfanon/b/ba/RettoVS.Genevere.png

    Overall great pic. Are they fighting or training? Retto’s left hand is a bit off. His eyes are staring off into space. Maybe have him squinting? He is getting blasted in the face.

    Some zypping along his body and face to reflect the blue lightning? I like how Genevere’s eyes are covered. As if she uses the Force for her senses. Either she is confident in her abilities or she is blind!

  3. Thanks Atomic. Yes, they are fighting and yes, Genevere is blind and uses the Force to guide her. Third fact: I’m terribly bad at zypping (which is why I usually don’t even try it) but I gave it a go.

    http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/365/6/e/retto_versus_genevere_by_dionnejinn-d5pogjs.png

  4. For what it’s worth, I’d move a little the lightning. As it is, the lightning does a little mustache to Retto, that’s quite distracting.

  5. I did a color revision of my “Dryder” character all ready to go last week, but photobucket refused to work right. So here it is: http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm156/Tuldabar/Heros/TravisDryder.png

    I really like it. One thing I did notice though: the right arm is a little wonky, and I know the legs look a bit bare without the black second color (which for that set is just the claws which didn’t look right anyway).

    Since this is a Gargolye (original character, don’t worry) I’ve been wondering what I could add to the face (specifically the brow section); he looks a little too human as he is.

    Thoughts anyone?

  6. Oooooooookay, what’s up with that warning message?

  7. Nick Hentschel

    Okay, folks, here’s a new one. And in the spirit of Dionne Jinn’s post, it’s a character!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/huskybike/8327442848/

    Her name is Jena, and if you can believe it from such a sweet young thing, she’s a Mandalorian bounty hunter!
    The central concept is this: she’s really a pretty nice person, who doesn’t think of herself as a warrior. She just happens to be Mandalorian, and to have received a certain degree of military training and experience…… which she is suddenly FORCED to use. And since she was pulled into action unexpectedly (and if she can help it, anonymously), she’s had to improvise a few things.

    Her whole costume is basically heavily upgraded stormtrooper/biker scout gear (including a speeder bike that’s not pictured here; any ideas?), which she got quickly and started customizing. She repainted it in gray camo and threw a cloak over it for weather-protection and disguise.

    Also shown are a stun baton she might use, and an *attempt* at the Mandalorian skull logo, to be placed somewhere. Ideas are welcome.

    The places where I could use help are many:
    a) I added the cloak because I couldn’t figure out how to add kamas (the heavy skirts that the clone troopers wore), and to reduce work at the shoulders. if you have an idea for how to make them, or if you think the cloak is better, speak up.
    b) Her cloak has shiulder armor because some cloaks are made like that: they have a shaped shoulder/neck piece that helps hold it on. However, I’m still open to suggestions (maybe ditch the camo there?)
    c) I have 4 models of helmet posed around her, which I haven’t decided between. I think the one at bottom-left is most practical, but the one at top-right goes with the scout armor.
    d) I’m working towards having her hold the rifle in her hands, hence the odd pose.
    e) Her outfit is consciously NOT designed to show off her female form, just so you know: the less her targets know about her, the better.

    Thanks!

  8. Arioch:
    For what it’s worth, I’d move a little the lightning. As it is, the lightning does a little mustache to Retto, that’s quite distracting.

    Oh… my… god… LOL. I hadn’t even noticed that. Oopsie…

  9. Nick Hentschel

    Tuldabar:
    Oooooooookay, what’s up with that warning message?

    I’m getting that, too: it showed up in my post, and Dionne Jinn’s, and the post editor won’t come up to let me deal with it.

  10. Nick Hentschel: I’m getting that, too: it showed up in my post, and Dionne Jinn’s, and the post editor won’t come up to let me deal with it.

    Don’t worry. It goes away on its own.

  11. Nick Hentschel

    Dionne Jinn: Don’t worry. It goes away on its own.

    Yes, it seems that it does! :-)

  12. Nick Hentschel: Yes, it seems that it does!

    I would hazard a guess that it is caused by some of the updates that have been going on today, but as it really doesn’t seem to cause any real harm and goes away after a while, it is a minor annoyance. At first I thought my first post was messing something, but then I saw the same error message displayed in other blog posts and conversations.

  13. Nick Hentschel

    Dionne Jinn: I would hazard a guess that it is caused by some of the updates that have been going on today, but as it really doesn’t seem to cause any real harm and goes away after a while, it is a minor annoyance. At first I thought my first post was messing something, but then I saw the same error message displayed in other blog posts and conversations.

    All right: let’s get back to critiquing each other, shall we? ;-)

  14. http://i891.photobucket.com/albums/ac111/Kicktar/Virus2_zps7dc48307.png
    Virus is a generic term that refers to 13 different people, called Virus n, where n is a number between 2 and 13. The leader is simply called Virus. they were trained as expert hackers and fighters to break through enemy lines and upload a virus to the enemy’s computer core.

  15. Nick Hentschel

    Virus is a generic term that refers to 13 different people, called Virus n, where n is a number between 2 and 13. The leader is simply called Virus. they were trained as expert hackers and fighters to break through enemy lines and upload a virus to the enemy’s computer core.

    Good use of coloring, and of lighting effects. You might use some darker shades along the outside of the body (darker purple, black, etc.) to make the chest & shoulders contrast more. Otherwise, it’s a fine start.

  16. If it’s still happening tomorrow or Tuesday, let me know and I’ll see what I can see. I would guess in that case it’s caused by the new version of the editor and I might have to either disable it pending an update or figure out some other workaround.

  17. Nick Hentschel

    In the meantime, would someone please start offering me some comments? I keep coming back, and no one says anything. In fact, I think that ALL of us could use some helpful advice from each other.

  18. I don’t usually critique, but I quite agree, Nick.

    @Nick Hentschel: Looks great overall. The mandalorian logo is actually pretty good, probably need to add something to mimic the dripping thing, or whatever that’s supposed to be. Speaking to your points:
    a) Not sure what kamas you’re talking about. The only kamas I know about are of the martial arts/lawn mowing sickel variety.
    b) It looks a bit like there’s no cloak there, so yeah, either ditch the camo, or maybe just change the color.
    c) I would choose the top right one unless you have her get her equipment from several places.
    d) Not much to say, here. Would certainly be a good idea if you can get the pose right.
    e) To further that goal, perhaps put her belt inside the belt as opposed to keeping her cloak close to her body.

  19. Nick Hentschel

    Kicktar:
    I don’t usually critique, but I quite agree, Nick.

    @Nick Hentschel: Looks great overall. The mandalorian logo is actually pretty good, probably need to add something to mimic the dripping thing, or whatever that’s supposed to be. Speaking to your points:
    a) Not sure what kamas you’re talking about. The only kamas I know about are of the martial arts/lawn mowing sickel variety.
    b) It looks a bit like there’s no cloak there, so yeah, either ditch the camo, or maybe just change the color.
    c) I would choose the top right one unless you have her get her equipment from several places.
    d) Not much to say, here. Would certainly be a good idea if you can get the pose right.
    e) To further that goal, perhaps put her belt inside the belt as opposed to keeping her cloak close to her body.

    Thanks. I’ll have another version along shortly. In order:

    a) The “kamas” I meant are described right here: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kama.
    The reference threw me too, when I first saw it on Wookieepedia, because I thought what you did. But apparently, it’s the kilt-like garment that the ARC troopers wore.

    b) I tried another design: no camo, different shape. You’ll see shortly……

    c) I *have* been considering that, and that she might be using some old stuff she had lying around for upgrades. (She did some mandatory military service, and may have some of it still.) But I see your point; that’s what was worrying me.

    d) The problem is, I can only mask the rifle to one hand, no both. The new version keeps the rifle strapped, and different weapons in each grip.

    e) I have a solution to that now, thanks to a shoulder strap. Will do.

    And without further ado, here’s the CURRENT image:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/huskybike/8327535455/

  20. Dionne Jinn:
    http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/365/6/e/retto_versus_genevere_by_dionnejinn-d5pogjs.png

    I understand. I am horrible at zypping. It does make a scene pop, though. And your revision does. That you also added glow from Genevere’s lightsaber is a great touch.

  21. Nick Hentschel:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/huskybike/8327535455/

    I like the shoulders and how they match to the neck. Solid overall. That her armor is “asexual” to hide her identity is a good twist. Main area of concern his her left arm band. It looks like it would stab her in the soft part of the elbow.

  22. Nick Hentschel

    The Atomic Punk: Main area of concern his her left arm band.It looks like it would stab her in the soft part of the elbow.

    That’s a perfectly valid criticism; no offense taken. To be honest, I’ve been having trouble with that spot, since that hand is in a “palm-out” position, and the Glove items aren’t built to be viewed from the underside. (Ideas are welcome, naturally.)