Someone page S.I. stat, we've got a swimsuit emergency!

You will hardly ever hear anyone say that the scaly underwear look beats whatever else you might drag out of the closet. But in this case, it applies:

Apparently there are strippers in Atlantis, because it looks like Aqualad mugged them to steal their boots and gloves. The choker isn’t helping that impression any, either. But I want to get past the idea that the future ruler of the seven seas might possibly be a secret cross-dressing mugger and ask Aquaman how he and his wife’s blonde and red hair, respectively, resulted in a child with a black Afro.

No, wait, that’s not at all what I wanted to ask. The real issue here is not “Which of the Royal Atlantean Guardsmen has kinky dark hair” but “How in the name of Poseidon does that shirt stay up with no armpits?” Does he Super-Glue the part that’s over the deltoids? Did he command two starfish to reside there permanently, desperately holding onto the spandex with all five legs?

Regardless, I’m pretty sure the fish’s cut-off dialog in this panel reads “Verily that outfit is about ten kinds of Wrong!”

On the other hand, I bet that metal belt is handy for holding the one dollar bills that routinely get shoved in his face.

(Image and character ©DC Comics and via The Vault of Buncheness.)

13 Responses to Someone page S.I. stat, we've got a swimsuit emergency!

  1. We’ve talked before about how sometimes a costume works great, but you take those elements and mix them up and it’s garbage. Case in point, this costume was great…on Ms. Marvel.

  2. My problem with this monstrosity is his belt is cockeyedit looks very uncomfortable. Also I think his hair makes him look like a young Bob Dylan! I also would like to point out that I need to apply to the Alantian Gym so I can build up MY pecks that huge!

  3. As an inquiry, those extra bulges under the armpit–does anyone know whether those muscles exist?

  4. Jeff, it’s obvious how he keeps those shoulder pieces in place. Double-sided duct tape, same as the models use. I’m sure one of Aqualad’s Atlantean stripper friends clued him in on this.

  5. Huh. So Atlantis has Gay Pride Week, too?

  6. With kind regards to Herr D, I think the real issue about the musculature is this – isn’t human(esque) muscular structure relatively symmetrical? There appear to be bits of extra muscle below the sternum, but only on the side with the upraised arm, which makes no sense.

    @Jeff:
    You want the real comparison? Look at this costume alongside Wonder Woman’s Silver Age outfit.

  7. One of his gloves is longer than the other. Why?

    Also, this costume looks incredibly silly. Maybe if they gave him Aquaman-style leggings instead of briefs and thigh boots, gave him shorter gloves and either sleeves or a more sensible shape of shirt it might work…

  8. Trekkie:
    One of his gloves is longer than the other. Why?

    Also, this costume looks incredibly silly. Maybe if they gave him Aquaman-style leggings instead of briefs and thigh boots, gave him shorter gloves and either sleeves or a more sensible shape of shirt it might work…

    I didn’t even notice the gloves being different lengths, well done!

    And I agree, if they did everything different on this costume, it would be a lot better ;-)

  9. Ok, 1) It’s Aqualad- so he is Aquatic, right? How many fish do you see that are RED, BLUE, AND YELLOW? Quick answer ZERO ZILCH NADA NONE

    And 2) It’s Aqualad- as in a Boy~ a future man There is nothing that even WHISPERS masculine in that outfit!

  10. There is nothing that whispers at all in that outfit. Talk about painted-on outfits! Look, I don’t need to see nipples on my superheroes, but the idea that every part of his chest is visible but that makes the costume not only impractical and hideous, but impossible. How does he gets those boots on anyway?

  11. Is he jumping out of the ocean or a cake?

  12. EnderX:

    You want the real comparison?Look at this costume alongside Wonder Woman’s Silver Age outfit.

    I thought that too, but with the blue gloves and long boots, it’s much more Ms. Marvel than Wonder Woman. The only real difference is the shade of blue. Plus WW has alot more details on her costume, where as Ms. Marvel really only has the yellow star.

  13. BTW, Jeff, Garth is NOT the child of Mera and Arthur Curry, just some random waif tacked onto Aquaman after Robin got popular. You’re thinking of “Aquababy,” not “Aqualad.”

    @ KEric: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pamelaviola/2885129950/