Thor, God of the G-String

Keeping with Dan’s suggestion that we take a look at the worst-dressed moments in this history of the Avengers in the movie, I bring you Thor, God of the G-String!

First, let this serve as a warning to all you budding artists out there that you should never base your drawings on your action figures.

Second, if you can tear your eyes away from that Ken-like monstrosity of a crotch and the giant balloon legs, think about how this outfit works. A normal plunging neckline (for instance, like Luke Cage’s) covers all but the middle of your chest because presumably you want lots of protection from the elements and enemy bullets while still letting the chicks gaze with wonder at your pecs.

To that, Thor says “Nay nay”! Because apparently Thor heard about these things called “G-Strings” and wanted to try them out, only to be thwarted by his articulated nether regions. So he went all atomic wedgie and yanked that sucker over his head.

It’s like a negative-space shirt, covering what ought to be open and opening what ought to be covered. I bet that’s what the giant floating heads behind him are screaming so violently about. “THOR! I CAN SEE YOUR NIPPLES! AND WHY IS YOUR CROTCH THAT? SERIOUSLY BROTHER, YOU SHOULD SEE SOMEONE. LIKE, NOW. AND WHERE IS MY BODY?! I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING, YAAAAAAH!”

24 Responses to Thor, God of the G-String

  1. I’m confused. How could the artist draw the faces in the background so well, yet completely arse up the main character?

  2. Why are Thor’s leggings filled with water balloons?

  3. Those aren’t Water Balloons! Asgardians really ARE shaped like that! It’s Kirby who got it wrong… just ask the Artist who came up with this Masterpiece! :D

  4. Corran Horn

    “To thatt, Thor says ‘nay nay’!” reminded me of a John Pinette joke.

    I say “nay nay” to lot’s of things, like ups. I don’t do ups, like sit ups, push ups, pull ups. I do downs, like sit down, lay down, give me some food and I’ll woof it down.

    John Pinette is one of my favorite comedians. And my entire family says “nay nay” now.

  5. Actually, I can’t see his nipples. Which is a little worrying because I’m not sure if he has actually been drawn with any.
    Also, anyone else notice the rather Liefeldian giant-metal-gauntlets-and-tiny-hands combo?

  6. Thread Hijack
    Hey Trekkie,
    You have won dblade’s Not Quite Random Finalist Consolation Prize for coming in second (as noted in the Contest 90 Winner’s thread). Choose an art asset and I shall create!
    Daryl
    Back to your regularly scheduled Thread

  7. And Thor looks thilly! Now I have to root for Loki.

  8. There are so many things that sucked about this costume, I’m amazed it was ever published. Aside from the stupidity of the chest strap, there’s also the knee blades on the boots, and you can’t really see it here, but the helmet looks more a skull cap with wings. And of course since it was the 90’s, shoulder pads. Sadly, the two costumes after this weren’t much better. I don’t know which one Jeff is going with next, so I don’t want to spoil the supprise. I actually didn’t sent in the Liefeld costume, because it’s almost too easy to mock.

  9. Thread Hijack to reply to the Thread Hijack:
    Thanks for letting me know, I didn’t see your post on the contest winners thread (since I hadn’t looked).
    So, would you be able to do a Captain Scarlet-style tunic like the one in this photo: http://www.davidsissonmodels.co.uk/scarlet/cap4.jpg (with or without the shoulder things, I don’t mind.)?
    Hijack Over

  10. Trekkie:
    Thread Hijack to reply to the Thread Hijack:
    Thanks for letting me know, I didn’t see your post on the contest winners thread (since I hadn’t looked).
    So, would you be able to do a Captain Scarlet-style tunic like the one in this photo: http://www.davidsissonmodels.co.uk/scarlet/cap4.jpg (with or without the shoulder things, I don’t mind.)?
    Hijack Over

    Consider it Chosen!

  11. You spoiled thor for me forever T-T

  12. I wasn’t aware Thor was moonlighting on Masters of the Universe as well. He certainly looks like a He-Man figure in this picture. I’m just going to go ahead and blame Skeletor for this.

  13. Yeah, I’m just going to pretend this is an ad for an action figure and not anything anyone’s supposed to take seriously…

  14. Reader Kate

    And what’s with that groovy teardrop pattern on his leggings? Even if he were wearing some kind of super-shiny fabric, it wouldn’t reflect the light in a paisley print.

  15. Patriot_Missile

    400th Gigantic Roid-Rage Issue indeed… This is sooo bad! I hate it when awful drawings get the super color paint job AND mass production publishing… As Beavis sayeth, “Ya can’t polish a turd.”

    No Sale, Marvel. Not even in the bargain bin.

  16. You know, the more I look at this picture, the more I think Loki and the demon head closest to Thor aren’t screaming, they’re laughing at Thor’s ridiculous get-up.

  17. Doornik1142:
    I’m confused. How could the artist draw the faces in the background so well, yet completely arse up the main character?

    I was thinking the same thing. The detail and anatomical correctness of the heads (Thor’s included) are amazing, but you can’t really admire them because that would require tearing your gaze away from what appears to be a minor He-Man villain with Thor’s head grafted on it…

  18. Lordgrimm01

    The demon head i think is Gargoyle (not Grey Gargoyle) and I prefer the more historically accurate design of Thor then this travesty.

    On unrelated note saw this on cracked.com and had to share: http://www.cracked.com/article_18681_who-actually-goes-to-comic-con-5Bchart5D.html?wa_user1=5&wa_user2=Celebrities&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended

  19. Gero: I was thinking the same thing.The detail and anatomical correctness of the heads (Thor’s included) are amazing, but you can’t really admire them because that would require tearing your gaze away from what appears to be a minor He-Man villain with Thor’s head grafted on it…

    And the real sad part, it’s not even the good He-Man. It looks like that second uber crappy one in the 90’s where He-Man and Skeletor were in space.

  20. I always thought the costume that he would wear everywhere except his own book during the Onslaught storyline was the wost. Well, he did wear it once in his book http://comicmegastore.com/images/thor/thor-comic-502.jpg

  21. Gabe Puratekuta

    Myro:
    You know, the more I look at this picture, the more I think Loki and the demon head closest to Thor aren’t screaming, they’re laughing at Thor’s ridiculous get-up.

    That’s a more plausible scenario

  22. Ploughed Jester

    Whether it’s screaming or laughing I can’t be sure but the middle head is glancing at Thor’s backside and saying, “Oh Myyyyy.”

  23. Trekkie:
    Thread Hijack to reply to the Thread Hijack:
    Thanks for letting me know, I didn’t see your post on the contest winners thread (since I hadn’t looked).
    So, would you be able to do a Captain Scarlet-style tunic like the one in this photo: http://www.davidsissonmodels.co.uk/scarlet/cap4.jpg (with or without the shoulder things, I don’t mind.)?
    Hijack Over

    Hijack in Progress

    Here is a working version of the top.
    http://forums.ugo.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=83006&d=1337289438

    And I might make those shoulder thingies as separate pieces you can add on.

    Hijack is off

  24. ProwlerKnight

    Immortal Chaos indeed, anybody caught wearing such a mundane outfit like that is sure to encite chaos wherever they go. Ballooning legs (no doubt swollen from the boots cutting off circulation as well as the the suffocation of his groin region), massive pop-eye arms, and a exposed pecks and ribs, this outfit just screams pain (I know why the faces are screaming, cause just sitting as far as i am now from the picture i just wanna scream in pain, so i can imagine how it must feel not only being right next to the man, but also seeing the damage from behind)

    In the words of Robert downey jr (who was quoting shakespeare, but you get the point) I say to thor: “Doth mother know you weareth her underwear?”