Don’t MAKE me get all meta on your stuffed butt

When last we left our stuffed bunny, we had decided to pick up a tire iron and, I quote, “get medieval on their asses”. Meaning we wanted to walk into a mob of zombies attacking the police station and start hitting them. On purpose.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get zombie guts out of velveteen fur?!

Regardless, the die is cast and here are the results:


Can you imagine one of the original Choose Your Own Adventure authors doing this? You know, the ones where turning left results in instant death while turning right wins it for you?

I say we take this unexpected gift of archival wisdom and run, baby! But of course, ultimately it’s up to you. If the Samuel L. Jackson-fueled testosterone fury of the coming “Avengers” movie has us ready to take on these mf’ing zombies on this mf’ing street, then regrip that tire iron and wade forth.

Cast that die, ladies and gents!

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 44 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

18 Responses to Don’t MAKE me get all meta on your stuffed butt

  1. I would say we get the h*ll out of there, but that option is not available… Did I miss something?

  2. Well, geeze. I guess we’re going for the disguise plan. Though I am curious to see how the zombies will rip us apart if we go the other way.

  3. And why exactly can’t we disguise ourselves AND carry the tire iron in case the disguise does not work? I agree with Dionne Jinn; we should have a flee option.

  4. Black Griffin

    personally I think our stuffed bunny is safe, because Zombies eat flesh and there is no flesh used in Stuffing. plus I like the mental image of a stuffed bunny going all William Wallace on a buncha zombies

  5. I think we passed up our “flee” option a couple of installments ago, when we could have run from the police station but instead decided to try and gain entrance. We’re more or less committed now, is how I read it.

    Black Griffin: personally I think our stuffed bunny is safe, because Zombies eat flesh and there is no flesh used in Stuffing.

    Innocence is so cute! And tasty. Nothing makes brains more delectable than a good bout of naivety.

  6. Jeff Hebert:
    I think we passed up our “flee” option a couple of installments ago, when we could have run from the police station but instead decided to try and gain entrance. We’re more or less committed now, is how I read it.

    Crap… Oh, well… If we get ourselves killed here, there is always that new thing you mentioned in one of the earlier posts…

  7. Now now, there’s an excellent chance we can get out of this one way or another! And by “excellent” I mean on average less than 5%. But that’s not nothing!

  8. I think it’s a trick. Matt’s trying to use reverse psychology on us or something, and it’s not gonna work. So I voted for the tire iron again…

  9. Gero:
    I think it’s a trick.Matt’s trying to use reverse psychology on us or something, and it’s not gonna work.So I voted for the tire iron again…

    Now that you mention it, he IS suspiciously kind and funny. Never trust kind people, that’s what my dear old dad used to say. Actually he would say “Grrmffl”, mostly when he was face-down in the oatmeal after a long night of drinking.

    But it’s a good point, maybe this whole “author who is generous with his time and words and also writes hilarious books” is a front for a hollow-eyed brain-eating zombie lich of evil, trying to lure us into becoming the main attraction at his Feast of the Undead.

    Mostly I just wanted to say “brain-eating zombie lich”.

  10. Thanks, Jeff… I just choked on my tea…

  11. I’m still fairly keen on going the Shaun of the Dead disguise route, but I do like the idea of a stuffed bunny going medieval on the zombie hordes with a tyre iron so we can get to the police station, where we’ll probably find an undead sergeant sitting behind the desk.

  12. Let’s get medieval on their asses!

  13. Really? We got called out our decision making skills two weeks in a row? Actually I knew that would happen, because I read ahead, but you know what, I’m not going to this week. I’m standing by my previous decision, which was to get into zombie disguise and fake our way into the police station.
    Also, I’d like to point out that my decision making skills are not being questioned here, given that the community has on all but one occasion voted against my advice. And while I never promised salvation or safety (actually, I even said I’d kill us off if it was epic or funny), if we listened to me, we would be somewhere else rather than having the book ask us, “Are you sure you really know what you’re doing here?”
    Now, let’s zombie-suit up, make like Michael Jackson, and get our Thriller on!*

    (* Not an actual guarantee that there will be any synchronized zombie dancing in any future entries if you listen to me. But it would be cool if there was, right?)

  14. Jeff Hebert:
    I think we passed up our “flee” option a couple of installments ago, when we could have run from the police station but instead decided to try and gain entrance. We’re more or less committed now, is how I read it.

    Innocence is so cute! And tasty. Nothing makes brains more delectable than a good bout of naivety.

    Any stuffed toy bunny that´s attacking a couple dozen zombies all by itself doesn´t HAVE any brains for the zombies to eat… so we should be perfectly safe.

  15. Personally, I think the correct action is “sprint past the zombies and into the police station, without slowing down enough to engage in melee combat.” But that doesn’t appear to be an option. Such is the problem with choose-your-own stories.

    Ah, well. I can see reverse psychology as well as the next guy. I say, let’s get smashy.

  16. Myro:
    Really?We got called out our decision making skills two weeks in a row?Actually I knew that would happen, because I read ahead, but you know what, I’m not going to this week.I’m standing by my previous decision, which was to get into zombie disguise and fake our way into the police station.
    Also, I’d like to point out that my decision making skills are not being questioned here, given that the community has on all but one occasion voted against my advice.And while I never promised salvation or safety (actually, I even said I’d kill us off if it was epic or funny), if we listened to me, we would be somewhere else rather than having the book ask us, “Are you sure you really know what you’re doing here?”
    Now, let’s zombie-suit up, make like Michael Jackson, and get our Thriller on!*

    (* Not an actual guarantee that there will be any synchronized zombie dancing in any future entries if you listen to me.But it would be cool if there was, right?)

    You have convinced me to change my vote. Mostly because I want to get my thriller on.

  17. spidercow2012

    Stuffed Plush Admiral Akbar says “It’s a trap!” If the author has gone this far out of his way to question our judgment, clearly the response is to ignore his wontedly tongue-in-cheek and seemingly well-meaning advice and wade in with both pink paws a-flailin’.