Noodnics, Oi!

When last we left our intrepid Lone Wolf, he was deciding whether or not to follow a well-heeled rat-creature into the tunnels. Being the brave types (ha!), we dove in after it. Let’s hope there’s cheese.

We do indeed have the Kai Discipline of Animal Kinship! At the end of the adventure, our experience communicating with rats will land us a prestigious job in the Kingdom of Disney, which is nice. Meanwhile:

I think “They stare at you open-mouthed, their furry little arms hanging loosely by their sides” is now my favorite sentence from this series. I plan on incorporating it into my everyday conversations whenever possible. “How was the wedding?” “It was great — everyone stared ope-mouthed at the bride, their furry little arms hanging loosely by their sides.”

I’d consider our diversion definitely worthwhile, however. Yes, we lost all our carefully hoarded and ill-gained coins, but 25 gold apiece for two meals is a bargain when you consider we avoided a side order of Death by Helghast.

I think Durenor is where we were going, if I can recall that far back. Nonetheless, we’ve been assaulted by undead, poisoned by priests in disguise, beaten and robbed by robbers posing as fishermen, and otherwise had our good-hearted nature imposed upon by most of the blackguards in this crap-hole of a kingdom. Are we sure these aren’t just bad guys in disguise? Or that the kingdom of Durenor is even still on our side? Do we even remember what we’re doing here or are we staggering insensate out of the tunnel like the degenerate gambler we are after a weekend-long bender in Vegas, neither knowing nor caring that we’re about to upchuck on the neighbor’s lawn?

I report, you decide!

14 Responses to Noodnics, Oi!

  1. Hm. Seems I was pretty close in my prediction last week about the Noodnics stealing all our stuff- they did steal all our gold.

    Well, if we attack, they’ll end up being on our side and we’ll get in big trouble. If we don’t attack, they’ll end up being in disguise and they’ll attack and kill us.
    So I say hands up.

  2. borntobealoser

    Oh good, the Nude Nicks saved us from the inescapable death at the hands of a Helghast. Looks like we didn’t need that magic spear after all. As for the decision, I say hands up. We’ve proven that we’re not the bravest of warriors, so surrendering will help us stay in character.

  3. borntobealoser

    Oh good, the Nude Nicks saved us from the inescapable death at the hands of a Helghast. Looks like we didn’t need that magic spear after all. As for the decision, I say hands up. We’ve proven that we’re not the bravest of warriors, so surrendering will help us stay in character.

  4. borntobealoser

    Great, I’ve managed to post twice somehow.

  5. I say don’t attack. If they are bad and attack, we can valiantly RUN AWAY!!!!!!

    It’s worked in the past, right?

  6. 10 to 1 odds? Nuts to that! I’m not above surrendering and trying to talk my way out of this.

  7. Why do the noodnics have weird accents when they’re speaking their own language?

    Also, I just can’t let this pass without comment: the noodnics get over their shock and treat us as if we were one of them…and then a female offers us food. We’ve just been hit on by a giant rat, ladies and gentlemen. And we think she’s pretty.

  8. Is it just me, or is the way they’re speaking reminiscent of Jar Jar Binks’?

  9. @Trekkie: Or considering this is older, did Lucas steal this speach for Jar Jar? I think the other part of their introduction goes like this: “Youze notta mitaken younglin’. Weza relativaz of this Jar-Jar. Weza proud of famuz cousin. Weza big stinkin thieves too.” :)

  10. X-Stacy (7): I was actually thinking the same thing when I was reading it. I even went back to make sure we were still talking in their language at one point. And as for the “pretty rat girl” hitting on us, that was weird too. So, no, you’re not the only one baffled by this entry.

  11. Yeah, I’m thinking a huge public-spectacle barricade is not the bad guys’ style. What bothers me is we just trusted the Jar-Jarats, and intuition dictates taking the opposite tack. But logic–and our previous record–says surrender. As Corran Horn suggested, it’s never too late to turn tail and run like a ninny.

  12. @ Trekkie and Worf They’re like Ranats only cleaner.

  13. @Trekkie & Worf, I totally read it in Jar Jar’s voice too. And to everyone who laughed waaay earlier in the adventure when we showed off our mighty rat-speaking ability, that’s called foreshadowing folks! And are we really gonna eat food given to us by giant rat people?

  14. So, “animal empathy” leads to “pretty female Noodnik”. I’m starting to see that old Kai monastery as one of those weird English boarding schools, only way more open minded.

    Obviously, then, uniforms and knights are good. Let’s behave ourselves and not commit suicide yet.