Stardust falling

From the pages of the truly awful “Fantastic Comics” number 6 (published in 1940, I grant you, when apparently anatomy had not yet been invented), we find the sartorial splendor of the stellar sorcerer himself, Stardust!

From the splash panel, you might just think he’s a gray-leotard-wearing buy with a bad belt, but take a closer look:

Apparently, after stopping the interstellar profiteers, he raided their wives’ panty drawers. Or maybe it’s a loincloth, perhaps the one owned in secret by Bozo the Clown. Either way, I’m having a hard time understanding how you leave the house in the morning thinking “This polka-dot number looks good!”

You know what would make a polka dot apron/loin cloth/pair of women’s panties look even better, though? That’s right, leggings with toes sewn in!

I have several theories on how such a person might come to be dressed this way. First, he could be so alien his fashion sense is beyond human understanding. Second, he could be color blind. Third, like all too many geeks, he could simply be utterly oblivious to what it means to dress normally.

However, given this panel:

No genius-level galactic geek, whether human or alien, is going to misspell “Scientist”. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Therefore we’re going with “Color blind” and calling this one done, Mister Super Wizard!

23 Responses to Stardust falling

  1. Danny Beaty

    That costume is horrible!

    @Jeff: Is Stardust the super wizard in the public domain? Stardust screams for a make-over!

  2. @Jeff: You’ve done it! Finally someone has come up with a reasonable explanation of why Liefeld’s illustrations are so bad. He came from the 40’s in a time warp! They hadn’t “invented” anatomy yet! lol :P

  3. Reader Kate

    Do you suppose that Stardust is actually a Tarzan knockoff recolored? It would explain the toes on his tights.

  4. Maybe the costume is liquid latex or something of the sort. He takes a dip, and it covers everything below the neck skin tight. That explains the toes. It would also explain why he had to throw on the clown panties to hid what else it covers skin tight.

  5. Stardust is indeed in the public domain, so go for it if you like, Danny!

    ReaderKate, the art on these is so bad I honestly can’t tell whether the midriff area is loose like a Tarzan loincloth or tight like pants. And I hate to think that anything having to do with Tarzan would have been this dreadful for them to use as source.

    Worf, note in that last panel how the artist has cleverly turned his feet into ant-like shadow masses. I bet Liefeld wishes he’d thought of that! Think of all the giant foreground domes hiding feet he could’ve left off.

  6. Jeff, I think you’ve missed a prime opportunity on that last panel to explain it all.

    “Sceintists (sic) of the Earth, you must combat this menace with new chemicals.”

    Dude’s high as a kite. Only someone on massive psychedelics is going to think any part of his costume is a good idea. And it might help, in universe, explain why Stardust can’t pronounce “scientists” correctly.

    Likewise, it’s highly probable that the creator of this comic is self-medicating as well. Again, bad costume, can’t spell.

    Well, just a thought anyway.

  7. Me, Myself & I

    Little peanut head hear looks like he took a running jump off of Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump here in Alberta. All his body parts must have been broken or dislocated to be positioned as they are. (Well at least I know Myro will get the reference to Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump :))

  8. Me, Myself & I

    Looks like I need an editor as well. Wrong “hear / here” listed (7) above. Oh well.

  9. Yeah, MMI (7), I’ve been out there once.

  10. Danny Beaty

    Both versions use a magic powerstaff that allows Stardust to teleport at will. The staff can shoot powerblasts as well as be used as a fighting staff. He can also survive in any alien atmosphere (as wall as ours) and speak any language in the universe.

  11. The Name Stardust + That Costume = One serious LSD Trip!

  12. The proportions are a lot like a tenth or eleventh century medieval painting. Very odd shapes and positions. The muscles are equally weird.

    Wondering if he’s the mascot for an anti-drug campaign. One look at him and you’ll swear off whatever you might be on at the time!

  13. Actually I was just looking at these panels again and I just realized something… The descendents of this artist are the people who did the Aeon Flux cartoon. If you do a Google image search for aeon flux and ignore Charlize Theron, you’ll see what I’m talking about (in case some of you have never seen the Aeon Flux cartoon).

  14. William A. Peterson

    Jeff. you just simply don’t understand! In THE FUTURE, this really IS going to be good fashion sense, and the things we primitives wear now are going to be as obsolete as the Toga and the Loincloth!
    {That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it…} :D

  15. MMI (7), I’ve got a sweatshirt from Head-Smashed-In when I visited on vacation. Good times.

  16. spidercow2010

    Look, just because we benighted 21st Century types have never heard of a SCEINTIST is no reason to mock the Super Wizard. He’s taken the trouble to gather both of Earth’s foremost sceintists to sceint up some new chemicals to combat the feet-melting orange menace, and what thanks does he get?
    While I’m at it, I’d like to see anybody make a go of it as an interstellar profiteer; the overhead must be, um, astronomical.

    p.s Thanks, Jeff, for my induction into the Hall of Fame. Wow. And despite all my gambling and steroid abuse, too.

  17. GtaMythMaster43

    Still better then Rob’s art.

  18. @GtaMythMaster43(18): Well, that’s not saying much as just about any 5 year old child has got THAT covered….. :P

  19. Is there a database of Public domain characters?

    Redesigning them could be a future heromachine contest…

    For now, I think I’ll have a go at Stardust too

  20. His tiny head is scaring me!!!

  21. Rob Liefeld stole that guy’s feet!