Desktop Avengers, Assemble!

Joining the illustrious ranks of villains like “Calendar Man” and “The Calculator” inspired by objects lying around the creator’s home office as his deadline loomed is Mr. A. G. Bell, aka “Phone Ranger”:

He started out as a bit of a joke, but soon became an actual, “No, really, take this seriously” character. In a real comic book, that was actually published and sold to people. For money.

Let’s set aside the fact that he looks like the unholy love child of Tony Stark and his vintage phone collection. Let’s ignore his uncanny resemblance to that weird guy down the hall who keeps getting his head stuck in various things. Let’s even pretend that he’s not wearing a phone as a collar.

No, instead let’s open ourselves to the target-rich environment for combat quips opened up by this utterly ridiculous outfit:

  • “You’re really pushing my buttons, Phone Ranger!”
  • “This line is disconnected — permanently!”
  • “I’ve got my fist on line one for you, Phone Ranger!”
  • “Please wait while I connect your chin with my fist!”
  • “You should love your phone, but don’t, you know, love your phone …”
  • “That outfit is off the hook!”

I thank Myro for bringing this guy to my attention, and look forward to more combat quips and commentary about just how insane this costume is. Also, if Marvel could somehow get Calendar Man, The Calculator, Whiteout, and Phone Ranger together in an actual comic book titled “Desktop Avengers Assemble”, I could die a happy man.

(Character & image © Marvel Comics.)

36 Responses to Desktop Avengers, Assemble!

  1. This could be a character contest – a character with an office-supply theme.

  2. TheNate, FTW! Excellent suggestion.

    Phone Ranger is bogglin’ my mind, man. Bogglin’ my mind!

  3. I kept trying to work a “Tonto and the Phone Ranger” joke in, but I couldn’t manage it.

  4. Getting the Desktop Avengers together is gonna be tough: Calendar Man and The Calculator are both DC Comics villains. Still, I love the Phone Ranger one-liners.

  5. You have to admit, if anything is publisher-crossover-event-worthy, Desktop Avengers would be it!

  6. Me, Myself & I

    Wow, just . . . wow. I wonder how often the receiver has to fall off his shoulders before he rips it off in fruistration.

    What were this dude’s powers?

  7. Can Edward Sissorhands join?

  8. Compounding my publisher confusion is the fact that Phone Ranger was actually a hero, not a villain. Jeff Fail.

    His powers are apparently that he can “connect with any telecommunications system in existence” (from WikiPedia.

  9. I definitely vote yes on Edward Scissorhands. What other characters would you all nominate to be in the Desktop Avengers?

  10. Phone Ranger rides off into the sunset

    Grateful Citizen: But—who was that masked man?

    Sheriff: You didn’t know? That’s the Phone Ranger!

    Cue end music.

  11. Jeff (8): Heroes and villains have teamed up before. I don’t think that a little thing like affiliation with Good or Evil should stand in the way of the awesomeness that is Desktop Avengers!

  12. Watson Bradshaw

    this guy just seems to have to many hang ups. ZING!

    I heard he just got outsourced to the Avengers India. ZANG!

    His nemesis is Cold Sales Calls at Dinner Time Man. ZONG!

    He can only fight crime for ten minutes a day in between his teenager daughters calls. BAMF!

  13. General Ordiz would have to be included in the Desktop Avengers. Or at least, someone would need to take his chest-mounted reel-fed tape recorder and microphone.

    http://www.heromachine.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/bad-generalortiz.jpg

    Also, I hear this guy is great to bring along to karaoke.

  14. Good ones, Watson!

    And Myro, General Ordiz would be perfect, good call.

  15. I don’t think he would be a very effective hero. He would show up at the villan’s hideout, burst in and exclaim ” I’ve got you now,(insert villan name here)” And said villan would turn and reply, “I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number.” Adventure over!

  16. Oh! And maybe the Clock King as well. It’s a borderline call; not all clocks are of the “sit on the desk” variety.

    http://www.heromachine.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/bad-clockking.jpg

  17. Watson Bradshaw

    In the movie Mystery Men there was a character called Pencil-Head that may work out for the Desktop Avengers

    http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y142/Nut_Meg_caps/Doug%20Jones/mysterymen2.jpg

  18. Maybe Airmale and Stampy should join the club since they are oriented toward office stuff as well.

  19. Thank you, Watson. :D

  20. He’s got a land line phone on his head–with a cord and a handset–really? They couldn’t even make it a cordless or a cell phone?

  21. Here’s his modern day offspring. I give you: Cellphone Girl!

    http://0.tqn.com/d/realitytv/1/0/X/t/CellPhoneGirl.jpg

  22. He’ll drop a call right on YOUR CANDY ASS!!!!!
    Thank you The Rock….

  23. @The Nate (1) agreed, or maybe to expand it – characters based on a single theme – not unlike stilt-man, camera-face, I think batman had a pencil themed villian

  24. Sketch of the Day/week/month/etc. Jeff’s version of the Desktop Avengers!

  25. Rubberband Man from Static Shock

  26. For the cross-publisher Desktop Avengers:
    Phone Ranger
    Calendar Man
    Typeface
    Spellcheck
    Eraser
    Calculator
    Post-it

    with assists by Policy Pam and Miss Army Knife.

    Honest to God, I haven’t made any of this up. Though I am tempted to use Heromachine to make a leader for this motley band: General Requisition!

  27. Time-Travelling Villain From Cell-Phone Future: “Time to put this phone out of range!”

    __

    Would all the characters in this video fit? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3k5oY9AHHM

    __

    You totally have to have this guy for the Deskset Avengers…

    Mighty Mouse!

  28. This is the main character is that bad weird al yankovic song ‘phony calls’ right?

  29. I could just see some villain like the joker taking the phone off the hook and using the curly telephone chord to repeatedly whip the dude with it while he is tied up.

  30. Hey if he ever gets to the point where he needs back-up at least you know he can dial 911 on his chest! Also i think chairface chipindale from the tick should join the desktop rangers.

  31. Dr. Shrinker

    Someone should explain to him that “The President’s Analyst” was not a documentary.

  32. spidercow2010

    “Time for the Phone Ranger to Get Busy!”

  33. “Please deposit 25 cents for the next 10 minutes of crime fighting!”

  34. Call 1-900-IMA-TOOL and you can listen to the adventures of the PHONE RANGER and his Font-American sidekick TYPO. “File PAPER a-waaayyy!”

  35. One of my friends said her superhero alter-ego is “Typo Girl – Able to fix typos and bad stories at a moment’s notice, be it online, in a book, or otherwise!” I don’t know if we’re allowing unpublished heroes in the Desktop Avengers, but if we are, the team surely needs a Typo Girl.

  36. logosgal, I think we can work her in if she changes her name to white out lass.